


Angel Is A Centerfold

by LyricalKris



Category: Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-04
Updated: 2015-02-09
Packaged: 2018-02-11 17:46:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 45,370
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2077332
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LyricalKris/pseuds/LyricalKris
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Madonna-whore complex. The idea that women's sexual expression is limited to being virginal or being degraded. Or lady in the streets and a freak in the sheets? Pffft. Where's the fun in that?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Personal note: Just a friendly reminder that my original fiction is available on Amazon. Links are in my profile. Thanks so much to the people who let me know they've bought it. If you like it (okay, okay, even if you didn't), do me a favor and review it on Amazon or Goodreads.**

** Love you all! **

A/N: So Moflo sent me a story idea. Angel in the Centerfold. Sounds like fun, eh? Obviously I thought so. So this is for her. I hope you enjoy it!

Disclaimer: And I'm STILL not SM. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It couldn’t be her. It just couldn’t be.

 

Edward Cullen blinked at his laptop screen, staring at the photo on the screen. He rubbed his eyes and tried to shake the idea that had settled into his head. The girl in the photo looked like Bella Swan and yet it didn’t.

 

It couldn’t be her. It was a girl, a woman, who bore a strong resemblance, but it couldn’t be her. It had been over a decade since he’d seen Bella Swan, after all. She was probably married with a kid, her backside pleasingly plump with leftover baby weight. Or maybe she was a business woman in crisp power suits. Or, more likely, she was what she’d always been--a pretty girl in simple jeans and shirts, her brown hair falling straight and long down her back.

 

Not this.

 

Edward had been seventeen and living in the tiny town of Forks when he met Bella. With a solid decade of distance, he could admit he had an instant crush on her. Several of the other boys did, but it was different for him, he thought. It was a legitimate crush if there was such a thing.

 

In a town as small as Forks, new people were a commodity. He knew from experience having moved there only three years before. His family moved frequently for his mother’s job, but each new place was a different experience.

 

In Forks, where everyone knew everyone else, everyone was curious about Bella. The boldest of the girls offered friendship and the bolder boys asked her out. They weren’t really interested in her. That much was obvious. Edward overheard the boys talking behind her back, wondering how far she would go and if this big city girl--she was from Phoenix after all--had more experience than the long list of country bumpkins they’d been with. The girls gossiped because they knew her mother had left her father--Forks’s chief-of-police--when she was just a baby and if her mother had raised her, what was Bella capable of?

 

Being the new kid at Forks High was like throwing a food pellet into a koi pond. The other fish fell all over themselves trying to get at her.

 

Edward’s curiosity-turned-crush was different from that. For one thing, it didn’t exist at first. Maybe it was that he wondered what the other kids had said when it was him, his elder brother, Emmett, and his sister, Alice, walking down the halls the first week they were there. Not all of the speculation about Bella was bad or lewd, of course, but, self-conscious little twerp that he was back then, he could imagine what their first impression of him had been. The idea left him with a foul taste in his mouth, and so conversations about Bella had instantaneously annoyed him on her behalf.

 

But, as Forks was indeed a know-everyone kind of town, she was in his sphere and on his radar. He couldn’t help but get to know her a little bit. She was his lab partner in Biology, and they passed in the hall several times a day. As the days turned into weeks, his curiosity was piqued.

 

She was just different. Not in the way some people are unique from anyone and everyone else. It was more personal than that. For Edward, there were all the other kids, and then there was her. She stood out for him. The novelty of her wore off and she was assimilated into the everyday crowd of Forks High, but for Edward, she only became a brighter star in his sky.

 

Even a decade later, Edward didn’t understand why he thought it was so adorable that, most days, she wore an oversized, man’s jacket. The way she drowned in it was cute, and it stoked his curiosity. Why a man’s jacket? Whose? And why did she only rarely take it off?

 

One day, in Biology, she got his attention and pointed surreptitiously to a girl at the table near them. Despite the cold-as-always weather, she was wearing a skirt as short as dress-code regulations allowed. “You see how her skin is kind of mottled red?” she whispered.

 

Her breath, warm on his ear, made him shiver. He nodded.

 

“What’s happening is, her blood is moving closer to the surface, trying to protect her because her body thinks she’s freezing.” She looked at him, her eyebrow arched. “Why would you want to be so cold all the time?”

 

They were never friends--not really. They were friendly with each other whenever their circles had to collide, but they were never in the same circle.

 

“You could ask her out, you know,” his sister said more than once when she caught him glancing across the cafeteria at her.

 

But back then, Edward wasn’t the most confident of people. Maybe it was the glasses and the nasty case of acne. Maybe it was all the moving around that had him so unsure of himself and his ability to even talk to a girl he actually liked. Maybe it was because he felt different than his peers.

 

Then again, that was part of the reason he was curious about Bella.

 

He’d noticed, for instance, that when the conversation turned to sex--and with high school kids, sex was never far from their minds--her cheeks got as red hot as his usually did, and she looked not disgusted but at least shy.

 

How did all these other kids talk about sex so boldly? Why were they so aware of their sexuality? Was Edward wrong because he had no experience and, more than that, he wasn’t so eager for experience?  Maybe eager wasn’t the right word. He’d thought about it. He wondered what it would be like, but it wasn’t as easy as the other kids made it seem. It wasn’t easy to talk about it, let alone do any of those things.

 

Somehow, when he looked at Bella and saw the way her bashfulness seemed to match his, he didn’t feel like as much of a freak.

 

When Alice pressed him, he shut her down. “What’s the point?” he’d asked. “We’re just going to be gone again.”

 

They moved to Alaska shortly before his senior year, and he’d never spoken to Bella again. When he thought about her he remembered her quiet prettiness, the small smile that tugged at one corner of her mouth or the other, the randomness of their interactions. Just like when they were in high school, she stuck out in his memories for no firm reason that he could pin down. She was the biggest crush of his childhood, and when he looked at girls--women, now--it often crossed his mind that there were so few like Bella. What was wrong with innocent and sweet?

 

But the more Edward looked at the picture on his computer, the more he realized he wasn’t seeing things.

 

The sweet, innocent teenage girl of his memories had grown up. She was there in front of him, laying down with her head tilted back, looking at the camera with big bedroom eyes and a smile that dared him to come closer. Every curve of her body was on display, her most intimate parts covered with naughty lingerie. White silky undies and a garter belt. Her hair was wild about her face. She was wearing makeup and she was wearing it well--dark around the eyes in that way that made women look deliciously wicked. Ruby red lips that begged to be kissed.

 

No.

 

Ruby red lips that he couldn’t help but imagine wrapped around his cock.

 

Edward slammed his laptop shut, his heart pounding erratically, and his dick gone hard in his pants. He squeezed his eyes shut and tried to banish the image from his head.

 

She had a tattoo along her side that disappeared into her panties, and he couldn’t stop thinking about it.

 

How? How had the girl in the over-sized men’s jacket, the girl who blushed at the mention of sex, the good girl in his head that stood in stark contrast to the over-sexualized vixens that pervaded society, become this?

  
The internet generation’s answer to girly magazines were the teasing photos on social media sites like tumblr. The post that had come across Edward’s dashboard was all Bella, the proverbial angel in the centerfold. 

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**A/N: Thank you to jfka06, barburella and songster.**

** So. What are we thinking? This fic will begin in earnest when Foolish Hearts is done… no more than two weeks, I expect. **

 

 


	2. Wine and Cheese

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I’m going to warn you up front not to assume and to remember we’re in Edward’s head and Edward’s head alone. :)

“Spit it out. What’s wrong?”

 

Edward looked over the table at his twin sister and raised an eyebrow. “What?”

 

Alice raised her eyebrow right back, and she was better at it. “You’re chewing your straw to death. Your oral fixation is always worse when something’s going on in your head. So spit it out.” She wrinkled her nose and rolled her eyes when he quite literally spit the straw out. “What’s wrong?” she asked again in exaggerated irritation.

 

He considered the question. He knew better than to think he could brush it off. When his sister caught a scent, it was impossible to shake her. More than that, it was unnatural to keep things from his twin, and this seemed like a big deal. Even in his head the words sounded ridiculous. He couldn’t tell her everything because it was ridiculous.

 

“You keep in touch with the people in Forks, don’t you?” he asked, aiming for a tone of nonchalance. He knew full well what the answer was. When Facebook got popular, Alice had wasted no time in finding the friends she’d collected from all their moves.

 

“A few. At least, I’m Facebook friends with them. I talk with Jessica Stanley every now and again, though. She’s getting married to Eric Yorkie, which is hilarious. She hated him in high school, remember?”

 

He didn’t, but it hardly mattered. Alice continued speaking without waiting for his answer. “Anyway, why do you ask?” She made her eyes wide and innocent as she took a sip of her drink, looking at him over the rim of her coffee cup. “Anyone in particular you were thinking about? As if I have to ask.”

 

“What does that mean?”

 

She straightened up, putting her cup down. “Come on, Edward. This isn’t rocket science. In all the places we’ve lived you never really got close to anyone, so I know you’re probably not thinking of old friends. You got along with Ben Cheney okay, but I bet you didn’t even remember his name.”

 

That was taking it a bit far. Edward indeed remembered Ben Cheney, but he said nothing because he hadn’t thought of the kid--the man, now--in years.

 

“You have to be thinking of… Oh, God. What was her name?” Alice snapped her fingers. “That girl you were mooney-eyed over. Becky? Betsy? I know. Becca!”

 

“Bella.”

 

The victorious grin on Alice’s face told him he’d been played. Of course she remembered the girl’s name. She had an uncanny memory. She was just looking for ammunition, and she’d doubtless found it in the defensive note in his voice. “Oh, right,” she said, her tone saccharine sweet. “Bella Swan. The chief of police’s kid. I sent her a friend request a while back, but she declined it.” Alice shrugged, indicating it wasn’t a big deal.

 

“I wasn’t in love with her.”

 

“Oh, please.”

 

“I didn’t--” Edward started, but then he stopped. He reminded himself it wasn’t mature to hit his sister before he went on. “Fine. Whatever.”

 

“So she was the one you were asking about then?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Why?”

 

Edward narrowed his eyes. “Who knows? I was reminiscing. Do I need a reason?”

 

“Since that was obviously not the real reason, yeah. You’re going to have to tell me at some point, but I’ll let it go for now.” Alice leaned forward on the table, her head cocked to the side in that way she had when she was collating data, as she called it. He always imagined there were strings of code running behind her eyes. “Let’s see. What do I know about Bella Swan? I know she left Forks after high school, but that’s no surprise.” She tapped her fingers on the table, but after another moment, she shook her head. “Nope. I got nothing. But don’t worry. I’ll get my people on it.”

 

Edward threw a balled up napkin at her. “You don’t have people, you loon.”

 

“Says you,” she said and stuck her tongue out at him.

~0~

A week later, Edward had almost forgotten he asked Alice about Bella. He hadn’t forgotten about Bella. In fact, he’d been back to her site more times than he wanted to admit.

 

He couldn’t get over it. He wasn’t going to get over it.

 

But he forgot he’d involved his sister, however little, in it until she dragged him out for dinner away from Los Angeles. She claimed she wanted to try a new restaurant she’d heard of. In Orange County.

 

They arrived only to find out that the restaurant wasn’t open. For reasons that, at the time, defied Edward’s imagination, Alice insisted on going in anyway. The door was open even though the space inside was in an obvious state of disarray--tarp strewn everywhere and chairs and tables stacked haphazardly. But his twin marched inside as though she owned the place.

 

There were two women hard at work. One, a statuesque blond, was behind the counter cleaning nooks and crannies. She was perhaps a few years older than he was and stunning to look at. She, however, was not the one who caught his eye.

 

The other woman was a brunette--a short one. She was perched at the top of a ladder, stretched up on her tip toes, working to paint the hideous, salmon colored walls with primer.

 

Edward had no idea what the hell he thought he was doing. More to the point, he didn’t think about what he was doing. He saw her on the ladder leaning too far over, stretching up while the thing teetered perilously, and he shouted, “Look out!”

 

What ensued was nothing short of complete chaos. The brunette, understandably startled by a man who was not supposed to be in her shop yelling at her, jolted. The movement threw her off balance. Her arms pinwheeled, sending primer everywhere, and she fell, paint cans and brushes raining down after her.

 

Edward raced forward, but he was brought up short by the blond woman pushing him back. “Buddy, what the hell?” she yelled, sparing a glare in his direction before she turned to the brunette. “Bella, are you okay? What’s broken?”

 

The damage couldn’t have been too bad as the brunette was sitting up, obviously conscious. Though Alice tried to hold him back--he was, after all, a strange man who had barged into their obviously closed restaurant shouting--Edward rushed over and dropped down to his knees in front of the brunette, intending to see if she was really all right.

 

She raised her head and the whole world slowed to a stop. Edward froze, the breath leaving his body as though he’d belly flopped into a pool filled with concrete.

 

There was something strangely macabre about the way the primer splashed over her--dripping from her hair, spreading from her cheek, dashed on her clothes like a blood spatter pattern, stark white instead of deep crimson. But that wasn’t what sent Edward’s world into a dizzying tailspin. It was the deep brown eyes that caught him. Bedroom eyes, he thought, though that didn’t make any sense given she was looking back at him in confusion. Her lips were fleshy peach and parted in an ‘o’ of surprise, but he saw ruby red turned up in a sexy smirk.

 

Bella, the blond woman had called her.

 

Edward was too disoriented to know how to react. There was increasing evidence the woman in front of him was Bella Swan. Bella’s was the face and body that had flashed through his mind approximately every seven seconds for the last few weeks. Ever since he’d seen her in…

 

Well, it was probably better not to think about it just then.

 

He knew he was staring but it took him a full minute to figure out she was staring right back.

 

She turned to blink at the blond, her expression and her voice dazed. “How hard did I hit my head?”

**~0~**

There was a cacophony of raised, confused voices but eventually everything was sorted out.

 

Alice spun the truth a bit for obvious reasons, explaining that she’d been having a conversation about vegan dining with Jessica when she happened to mention both that Bella was opening up a vegetarian/vegan restaurant and that she had moved to southern California right after high school.

 

“You remembered me?” Bella asked, still absently searching her head for bumps that didn’t exist--she’d fallen more on her arm and ass than anything.

 

“Sure,” Alice said. “Did you remember us?”

 

Edward may have been imagining things, but he thought he saw Bella glance at him. “I remember you,” she said, returning her gaze to some undetermined point at her paint-smeared knee.

 

By then the blond, Bella’s business partner, Tanya, had finished helping Bella stretch each of her limbs, testing to see that everything worked. She seemed fine--suffering from no more than bumps, bruises, and a sore arm. Both sincerely sorry and insatiably curious, Edward asked if he could take them all out for dinner. They agreed.

 

Bella went home to clean the paint off while Edward and Alice stayed behind to help Tanya clean up the mess.

 

Edward worked in silence. He couldn’t get his head to wrap around a thought. The duality of the Bella he’d found online--vixen temptress, all tattooed skin and perfect curves--and the woman he’d re-met just a half hour before. That Bella was more along the lines of what he’d imagined she’d be like--comfortable in faded jeans and a tatty shirt she wouldn’t mind getting ruined by paint.

 

It took him a while to recognized the anxiety that had his skin prickling. He was turned on, but it was a confused state of being. He didn’t want to be turned on, and he honestly wasn’t sure if he should feel guilty about it. There was also a sense that he couldn’t wait to see her again, mostly because he wanted to know what she would wear. It was one thing to come across her when she was painting, quite another to see what she looked like dressed in normal, casual clothes.

 

Get a grip, he thought in the direction of his lower extremity. The damn thing was annoyingly alert. It’s not like she’s going to show up in anything from that site.

 

Still, before he could help himself, he pictured her in Daisy Dukes, a jean vest, and nothing else. He closed his eyes, glad he was kneeling and facing away from his sister and Tanya. He was annoyed because she’d put those images in his head, and now he couldn’t stop thinking about what she was going to look like when she walked in the door.

 

And what she looked like underneath her clothes.

 

Footsteps approached and entered the open door of the restaurant. Edward counted to ten before he looked over. Bella was standing there. She looked…

 

Normal. Beautiful but normal.

 

She was wearing jeans--cut better and not as faded as the ones she’d had on before--and a nice shirt. Her hair was loose--free of paint but also not falling in silky waves of one of her photos. She had on some makeup, but only enough to accentuate her features. It was a natural look.

 

Edward couldn’t tell if he was disappointed.

 

Tanya went to her and held her arm out, clucking her tongue at the bruise that was spreading from her elbow to her wrist. “You’re sure it’s not broken.”

 

“Yeah.” Bella winced. “Moving it isn’t the most pleasant experience, but I’ll live.”

 

“I’m really sorry,” Edward said for the hundredth time.

 

She looked at him and smiled. “I told you. Don’t worry about it. Or, if you prefer, take us to The Twisted Vine, ply us with good wine, and you’ll be forgiven several times over.”

 

Edward smiled back. “Deal.”

 

After Bella and Tanya had locked up the restaurant, they made their way a few blocks over to Fullerton’s busy downtown. The Twisted Vine was a wine bar, and soon enough they were settled with wine and tapas. Soon they fell into the natural conversation of old acquaintances trying to find a common ground.

 

“The first day I was at school, Jessica had a whole list of kids who had moved to Forks since kindergarten,” Bella said. “I remember thinking it was funny because she talked about them like they were collector’s items or something.” She looked up at Edward and flashed him a grin. “You two and your brother made up half the list.”

 

“Who else?” Edward asked.

 

“Mike Newton came in middle school.” She turned to Tanya. “Handsy, horny bastard. I made the mistake of going to prom with him senior year. He was sweet for the most part. He kept trying to dance with his hands on my ass, but whatever. That was the style back then.”

 

“Back then?” Tanya scoffed. “Girl, next time I go clubbing, you’re coming with me. Obviously you haven’t gotten out much.”

 

Edward bit the inside of his cheek. Bella just scoffed before she continued her story.

 

“After the dance, he just assumed we were going to have sex because he thought that was what everyone did on senior prom. Like he thought ‘Will you go to prom with me?’ was code for ‘lets get it on’ and all the dresses and limos and bad fruit punch was a set up for lying to our parents.” She shook her head, rubbing her arms as though self-conscious. “He was persistent for a while there.”

 

Edward felt as though ice had been dumped down his back.

 

Was that it then? Survivors of sexual abuse sometimes had a warped sense of their own sexuality. They were often promiscuous and kinky, pushing their limits and their partners limits as a means of exerting control where it had been robbed before.

 

Was that what had happened to make Bella do what she did?

 

“Anyway,” Bella said, drawing Edward out of his dark thoughts. “That’s Mike Newton. Before Mike, there were two kids who moved to Forks in elementary school, but they had moved away again before any of us got there. Who knows what their names were.”

 

“Sounds like unless you were born there, you probably wanted to get the hell out,” Tanya said.

 

“We didn’t stick around, that’s for sure,” Alice said. “We were there halfway through freshman year and all of junior year. But then again, we didn’t leave because Forks sucks.”

 

“Though it does,” Edward said, and Bella snickered.

 

“Didn’t you go to Alaska?” Bella asked.

 

“We did.”

 

Tanya wrinkled her nose. “Alaska. That’s so random.”

 

“Random is a good description of our moving habits back then.” Edward tilted back the rest of his wine and signaled the waiter that he’d have another.

 

“Army brat?” Tanya asked.

 

Edward and Alice shook their heads in unison. “Mom manages the restoration of historic homes and buildings,” Edward said. “She does the research, consults historical experts, and oversees the work done.”

 

“That’s really cool, actually.” Bella rolled the edge of the glass along her lip in an absent way that nonetheless caught and held Edward’s attention. “What the hell was she doing in Forks?”

 

Edward chuckled. That had been his thought exactly when they first arrived in Forks. Did the town have any buildings worth saving? “You’d be surprised at how many of Forks’s buildings have historical value, but it was actually a building in Port Angeles she was working on that time. We got stuck in Forks because they had an opening in the hospital, so it was convenient for Dad since his hours were weird.”

 

“Well, I guess it was good for us it worked out that way,” Bella said. “We wouldn’t all be here now if you’d stayed in Port Angeles.”

 

Edward watched the timid smile that tugged at her lips as she looked first at Alice but then, lingeringly, at him. Warmth spread across his chest like spilled ink on paper. He held her gaze. “I guess that means it’s also a good thing you wanted to get out of Forks or we wouldn’t be here.”

 

Her smile turned back to the more confident one she’d been wearing all evening. “God yes. There wasn’t any way I was staying there past high school. I love my dad, and I’m glad I got to spend some time with him, but I’m just not a Washington person. The cold and the wet…” She shuddered. “I don’t like it.”

 

Tanya elbowed her, a wicked glint in her eyes. “If Bella’s all wet, she prefers to be hot.”

 

Bella’s cheeks, already pink from the wine, darkened. She darted a look from Edward to Alice and then down to the table as she downed the last of her second glass of wine. “You’re terrible, Tanya.”

 

Edward cleared his throat, unreasonably irritated at Tanya’s crude remark. He wasn’t a prude by any stretch of the imagination, but they were virtual strangers. “So does that mean you’ve always been a California girl?” he asked, getting them back on track.

 

“I lived in the area when I was little,” she said. “I guess I had good memories. It’s not as hot here as it is in Phoenix where I grew up, but it’s still warm and sunny.”

 

“Unlike Forks,” Alice said, and Bella nodded.

 

“Right. Unlike Forks and most of Washington. So I applied to colleges down here, and here I am.”

 

Edward straightened up, realizing only when the waiter came by with more wine that he’d been leaning across the table. He picked up his glass and tilted it, clinking it against hers. “Well, I’ll toast to that.”

**~0~**

The conversation had flowed naturally. Edward and Alice related how they’d followed their parents after high school from Alaska to Europe and spent two years as hired hands with their mother before she moved on to the next project in California. They’d gotten into rival schools-- USC for Edward and UCLA for Alice--and had stayed.

 

By that time, they’d all had more than enough wine to get to the point where everything any of them said was profoundly interesting or uproariously funny. Tanya and Alice had gotten enthralled in something that bored Edward to tears, so he offered to walk Bella home so they could talk.

 

They walked in amiable silence for a time, but then Bella gave a slight, wry laugh.

 

“What?” Edward asked.

 

“Oh, nothing,” she said too quickly.

 

“No. What is it?”

 

“Nothing. I was just thinking.”

 

“What were you thinking?”

 

“Nothing. It’s embarrassing. Just forget it.”

 

He looked at her, noticing she was looking anywhere but him. “You can’t make statements like that and expect me not to die of curiosity.”

 

She scoffed, rolling her eyes and her head to look over at him. “If you die of curiosity, don’t expect me to feel sorry for you. I will laugh in your corpse’s face, you dramatic ass.”

 

He smirked. “Just tell me.”

 

Something flickered in her eyes as she looked at him, and all at once he could see perfectly the shy, innocent girl who had sat beside him in Biology. “Fine.” She took a deep breath. “When we were in high school… I had a huge crush on you.”

 

Edward’s step faltered. He didn’t know what to say at first, and he was too busy fighting the ridiculous grin that threatened to pull his lips to either side of his cheeks.

 

Bella made a disgruntled noise. “I told you. It’s embarrassing. God, I’m a little drunk. Just forget it.”

 

He touched her arm lightly. “I can’t forget about it.”

 

“No?”

 

“No. I, uh…” Oh, for fuck’s sake. Edward knew he was blushing. Blushing, for fuck’s sake, as though he was that awkward, pimply-faced kid again. That kid would have had no clue what to do if a girl told him she had a crush on him. In fact, Edward of now really had no clue with to do with that information. Who would have wanted the the kid he’d been? “I had a crush on you too.”

 

She stopped short and he turned to face her. “Really?” she asked.

 

“Yeah. The huge kind,” he said with a grin, echoing her sentiment.

 

The air around them turned. They were standing so close together, too close to be almost perfect strangers. Both a little drunk, they swayed a bit, each of them pressing into each other’s intimate space, fingers grazing sides accidentally. For some reason, Edward’s heart was threatening to pound out of his chest.

 

Her tongue darted out to lick her lips.

 

“I wanted to ask you to prom,” he said suddenly, unaware he was going to make that confession until it was out there.

 

She was staring at his mouth. “I think three boys asked me out that year.”

 

Something in Edward’s gut curled at the idea. “Oh?”

 

“Kids fighting over the shiny toy,” she said, her eyes finally meeting his. “I would have said yes to you.”

 

“Oh.”

 

He wished he had known that. For a lot of reasons, he wished he’d known. He looked at her lips when her tongue darted out again.

 

She shifted her feet in a stumble. He put his hand out to steady her only to end up rocking himself. Then it was her hand on his arm, holding him until his balance was restored. He swallowed hard. “I should get you home.”

 

“Right,” she said and nodded.

  
They started walking again, and true to his word, Edward walked her home. He squeezed her hand at the door, told her he was sorry again, but he was glad they’d reconnected, and he left her house with her phone number.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Many thanks to barburella and songster.
> 
> SO!
> 
> What are we thinking, chaps?


	3. A Kink In The Plans

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I'm at work for ten hours on a Saturday. Rawrrrrrr. Oh well. Enjoy!

It was definitely her.

 

Edward had been conversing with Bella for a solid week and a half now on Facebook. He’d followed links posted on her Facebook page and found her across social media. Twitter, Tumblr, she had it all under Bella Swan.

 

Ramona Ryden also had Twitter and Tumblr...and Bella Swan’s face.

 

On one Google Chrome tab, Edward was talking with Bella about how, thanks to dancing Groot, he couldn’t get the Jackson Five song from the end of Guardians of the Galaxy out of his head. On another tab, Ramona Ryden had responded to another Tumblr user’s slut shaming post.

 

"See girls, this is having respect for your body," the original text claimed along with a picture of a young woman, conservatively and prettily dressed. That post was adorned by hashtags such as #THISisAnAppropriateSelfie and #DontHaveToPostNudeToGetLove

 

"So is this," Mona Ryden had returned, and posted a picture of Bella, her eyes bright, her arms spread wide, gloriously topless. Her hashtags included #NudeandComfortable #IfYoureNot #RespectMeAnyway.

 

The pictures had been posted five minutes ago, mid-conversation with Edward. There had been a few minutes between responses in their conversation--not unusual, but the timing was coincidental. Had she taken that picture in between speaking with him?

 

He couldn’t shake the image of her sitting at her computer in the same room the photo was taken in, dancing and at least half nude. It was fucking with his head. How was he supposed to concentrate on a talking tree when he was thinking of what she looked like, her hands cupping one breast, circling her thumb over a pert, pretty nipple. He pictured her at her desk, head tilted back, lips parted as she panted, and then she moaned.

 

Edward shook his head, swallowing a moan of his own. He glared at the ceiling, irritated, but he didn’t know who with. He hadn’t come up with those kinds of visions himself. There were plenty of videos that left little to his imagination.

 

Bella’s Facebook messenger flashed again, catching his attention. His throat tightened when he saw it was a YouTube link. Was she really…

 

He clicked and instantly felt foolish. It was a video from a woman who’d made her own dancing Groot out of a Dancing Flower toy. There might have been a joke in there about dancing wood, but there was nothing at all erotic about it at all.

 

“You’re an idiot, Cullen,” he muttered. Of course she wasn’t going to link him to one of her videos. They were talking about comic book movies for chrissakes. She wasn’t going to punctuate her enjoyment of PG13 movie with an x-rated masturbation video. Chris Pratt was an attractive sweetheart of a man, but still, he wasn’t spank bank material.

 

“Hey, Louie Loopy.”

 

Edward craned his head all the way back, surreptitiously hitting the right keys to close his browser. “Remind me again why you have a key to my place?” he asked as his sister came in his room. He hadn’t heard her come in, which he supposed was why she was calling him names.

 

Alice quirked an eyebrow. “Little brother, you don’t have to hide your porn from me. We shared a laptop in Europe, remember? I know the kinds of kinky shit you get into. Is it tentacle or preggo porn this time?”

 

“Anal figging,” he said without missing a beat. “What do you want, little sister?”

 

“You weren’t answering your phone, probably because it was on the kitchen counter.” She held the thing up with a dry look. As she did, it chimed with his Facebook notification.

 

Edward lunged for it, but Alice dodged neatly away. It only took her a few seconds to pull up his chat with Bella. Damn technology, allowing him to be logged into the same program from several different platforms at once. Alice danced around the room, playing keep away as she scrolled.

 

“Look at this.  You guys are such dorks. Dissecting comic book canon versus the film version of characters?” She laughed, finally letting him snatch the phone back. “So when’s the first date?”

 

“There’s no date.”

 

“What? Why?”

 

“I’m not interested.”

 

“Who are you trying to kid, buddy? I was actually there last Saturday, though seeing as you only had eyes for Bella, I’m not surprised you forgot. You couldn’t be more into her if you were actually inside her right there on the table.”

 

“You’re disgusting.”

 

“And you’re just about as red as a blood moon.” She put her hands on her hips. “What’s the real issue? You’re not usually gun-shy with girls. I know it can’t be that you don’t think she’s into you. She was staring at you just as hard, and you’re not an oblivious idiot.”

 

Edward thought about telling her, but it seemed so unchivalrous to air Bella’s dirty laundry. The fact Alice and her “people” hadn’t figured out Bella had her own soft-core porn website

told him that she didn’t want her friends to know. “It’s just not a good idea. Are you going to tell me what you’re doing here?”

 

His sister pinned her with a sharp look. “Jasper wants to know if you’re coming over. We’re going to start the second season of Orange is the New Black in twenty minutes.”

 

“Tonight? Are you insane? You know we don’t know when to stop once we’ve started. We’re going to end up watching the whole damn season tonight, and we’re going to be zombies at work tomorrow.”

 

“Blah. Blah. Blah. Why don’t you want to date Bella?”

 

“Why is this so important to you?”

 

“Because you’re acting weird.”

 

“Your face is weird.”

 

She crossed her arms and glared at him.

 

“FIne. I’ll order pizza, and I’ll be over in twenty minutes,” Edward said. He stood up and took her by the shoulders, guiding her out of his apartment.

 

She put up a minimal amount of resistance. “Tell me why you won’t ask Bella out.”

 

“I will bring the beer if you will get the hell out of my apartment and leave me alone for twenty minutes.”

 

“Well, if you wanted to punch the clown, you could just say so.”

 

He closed the door in her face. She pounded on it. “You know there’s no shame in fem-dom porn. I bet Bella would be okay with smacking your ass with a riding crop.”

 

Edward opened the door again. “Why the hell did you say that?”

 

Alice furrowed her eyebrows. “What?”

 

“Why would you say she would do that? The riding crop. Why would you say something like that?”

 

She gaped at him. “I was joking.”

 

“That’s a hell of a thing to joke about. You don’t know her. Not really.”

 

“Whoa.” She held her hands up. “What the hell is going on right now?”

 

“Goodbye, Alice.” He closed his door again.

 

She pounded on the door and shouted a few protests, but Edward ignored them. His sister knew him well. She only stayed long enough to make sure her displeasure was well noted. Then the pounding stopped.

 

By then, Edward had made it back to his room. He fell back on his bed with a grunt of frustration, his arm thrown over his eyes. He was going out of her mind. Alice had every right to be angry at him. They were twins. They didn’t keep secrets from each other. There’d been very few exceptions throughout their lives.

 

This girl and her dual identity was driving him crazy.

 

Edward reached blindly for his laptop and pulled it to him. Settling it on his tummy, he typed out a response to the message Bella had sent. He tapped the edge of his laptop, thinking.

 

Alice was right; he wasn’t gun-shy, and he was attracted to Bella. If she were any other girl… No, that wasn’t right. If she were his Bella, the girl he’d had such a big crush on in high school, nothing would have stopped him from charming her. He wasn’t the boy he’d been once. He was confident. If there was only Bella Swan to consider, the decision would have been a no-brainer.

 

But then there was Ramona Ryden.

 

Edward pulled up her website again and navigated to one of the more recent photosets. In it, Bella was done up in dominatrix gear--skintight black leather, garters, blood red lips and midnight dark eyeshadow. She held a riding crop and beckoned at the camera.

 

Someone’s been a bad, bad boy, the caption read.

 

Alice didn’t know how close to the truth she’d been.

 

Ramona Ryden looked at him with erotic wickedness in her gaze while Bella Swan went off on a diatribe about Marvel vs DC Comicbook movies and how DC had said a Wonder Woman movie would be a bad idea for various bullshit reasons. Edward smiled at the mini rant, charmed by her passion.

 

His conflicting thoughts about Bella and Ramona weren’t going to resolve themselves.

 

He tapped on the laptop again and moved his fingers over the keys. In the next second, he was typing out the one thing he’d wanted to say for a week and a half.

 

Can I take you to dinner? This weekend?

 

On the message screen, Bella’s name appeared followed by an ellipsis letting him know she was typing a message for an irritating five minutes--at least it felt like five minutes--before her message popped up.

 

Like a date?

 

He laughed, somehow pleased with the idea she’d obviously struggled to find those three simple words.

 

They were weighty words, and as he considered them, he remembered the electricity in the air when he walked her home. He remembered how she swayed, stumbling a little, getting closer to him.

 

He’d wanted to kiss her. Sweetly. Slowly.

 

He wanted to do filthy things to Ramona Ryden.

 

He wanted to know why Bella wanted to go on a date when Ramona was a skeleton in her closet, and he wanted to know what else was in there.

 

That was a lot of responsibility for three little words. It was just a date. There was no promise where it would go. And if nothing else, it was a means to an end. He’d be expected to ask questions, to pry in the name of polite conversation.

 

Yeah, a date. A decade too late?

 

Hah. Seventeen-year-old me was a sucky date, and not in the good way.

 

“Oh, really.” For some reason, Edward felt ever so slightly scandalized at the flirtation--how quickly Bella became Ramona.

 

Then again, a little flirtation never hurt anyone, right? And two could play at that game.

**~0~**

“We’re going to be dead at work tomorrow,” Jasper said, his head lolling on the back of the couch.

 

“I hate to say I told you so.”

 

“Don’t lie, little brother,” Alice said, getting up to stretch. “You love to say I told you so.”

 

“Yes, well. Anyone who says they don’t like being right is lying. Also, bite me, little sister.”

 

“Nah. You smell funny.” She stretched up onto her tip toes and let out a breath. “Anyway. I need a bio break before we move on to the next episode. Be right back.”

 

The room was silent for a few seconds, but then Jasper began to chuckle. He was staring up at the ceiling, and Edward leaned his head up to look too. Seeing nothing at all funny, he turned his head back toward his soon-to-be brother-in-law. “What?”

 

“So the implication earlier was the Big Boo chick lost her service dog because she let it go downtown on her.”

 

“Nothing gets past you, does it?” Edward drawled. The so called implication had been pretty blatant on the show. “That was gross. Funny but gross.”

 

“Yeah. It just reminded me of something. You remember when we were in college and you found that site? You know, with the girls and the animals?”

 

Edward groaned, curling in on himself and wrapping his arms over his ears. “Oh, God. Why the hell would you bring that up? That was traumatic as hell. Oh, man.”

 

Jasper cackled. “Yeah, exactly. You screamed when you saw it. You actually screamed.”

 

“Damn right I screamed. I wasn’t looking for that.” Edward shuddered. “Jesus. The first picture was a girl with a horse in her. Fuck, don’t make me remember that shit.” He rolled right off the couch and onto his knees, still holding his head in late-night, deliriously-tired melodrama. “Why? Why would you do this to me? I tried so hard to forget.”

 

Jasper was almost howling now. “I still don’t understand how it fit or how the thing didn’t crush her.” He gasped for breath. “How many people do you think die in the name of beast on woman porn?”

 

“What the hell is going on out here? Have you both lost your minds?”

 

Edward uncurled himself from the fetal ball to find his sister staring at them, her hands on her hips.

 

“Edward found horse on woman porn,” Jasper said around his laughter.

 

Alice’s eyes bulged. “Is that what you were looking at earlier?”

 

“What? No,” Edward said, still trying to catch his breath from his own laughing fit.

 

Jasper sat up straight on the couch, wiping tears from his eyes. “Wait. What were you doing earlier?”

 

“I knew he was looking at something filthy when I went to go get him,” Alice said. “But bestiality, Edward? That’s just sick.”

 

“It wasn’t beastiality. Christ.”

 

Alice’s features lit in victory. “So you were looking at porn.”

 

“No!”

 

Jasper whistled. “Look at him. He’s turning red.”

 

“He’s been doing that a lot tonight.”

 

“Yeah, it was something raunchy,” Jasper said. “Send me the link later. Unless it really was bestiality. Or poop porn. I don’t get poop porn either.”

 

“Do you really share porn?” Alice asked, looking between them.

 

“Eh.” Jasper gave a vague shrug. “Sometimes you find something really interesting.”

 

“That’s gross. You know there’s only one reason you’re looking at porn.”

 

“This is the modern age, sugar. If Edward gets his keyboard sticky, that doesn’t affect my enjoyment any. The link doesn’t get stuck together like pages of a porno mag.”

 

The humor had long since drained out of the situation at least as far as Edward was concerned. He and Alice both made a noise of protest at Jasper’s words. “Great. Thanks for that image, babe,” Alice said.

 

Edward didn’t say anything. He was too busy trying to choke down the urge to punch his best friend in the face. He didn’t like the idea anyone anywhere could forward nudie pictures of Bella to their buddies. The whole thing was really beginning to piss him off.

 

“So dude. The porn? What the hell was it? I’m trying to figure out what would make you blush.”

 

“Ah, Edward’s kind of a prude,” Alice said, waving a dismissive hand. “It was probably something tame.”

 

“I’m not a…” Edward closed his eyes and shook his head. “Whatever. There wasn’t any porn.”

 

“Sure there wasn’t,” Alice said.

 

Jasper patted his shoulder and leaned in. “Send me the really raunchy shit later,” he said in a stage whisper.

  
Edward crossed his arms. “I hate you both.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Many thanks to songster and barburella. Songster is an innocent flower. Barburella not so much. 
> 
> How about you guys?


	4. Serious Business

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Many thanks to all of you who voted for Snapshots for fic of the month. That’s an awesome feeling. Foolish Hearts is up for Fic of the Month August edition.

Over the rest of the week, they bantered via text over the logistics of their date. Edward was bemused when Bella offered to drive to LA.

 

**I asked to take you out to dinner. I should be the one driving to you.**

**Yeah, but I have a hankering for Electric Lotus. Do you know it?**

 

Edward raised an eyebrow. He loved Electric Lotus and told her so.

 

**It’s settled then. Last time I was there, I ran into Vince Vaughn. Literally. I barrelled into him. He’s a solid wall of man.**

**I’m expected to top Vince Vaughn?**

**Well, it’d be rude to try to top Vince Vaughn when you’re on a date with me, but I’d understand. It is Vince Vaughn.**

 

It took him a minute to understand what she meant by topping.

 

**Vince Vaughn doesn’t make the list of the list of people I’d like to top on a date with you.**

**~0~**

A couple days later, while Edward was waiting for Bella to arrive, he found himself curious again about what she would wear. It was a date, after all. Women got dolled up for dates all the time. What would that mean for a girl like Bella? Ramona had a number of clothes that might have passed as date clothes.

 

Edward’s hands flexed into fists as he imagined the way other men would look at her if she wore even the most modest of outfits he’d seen in her repertoire from that site of hers. He had no claim on her, and he knew that. Still, he could easily imagine the kinds of things those men would want to do to her. All night long, he’d be hearing their thoughts as easily as if they’d spoken out loud.

 

This was how idiots ended up in fist fights.

 

By the time he heard a knock on his door, Edward thought he might have made a mistake. Opening the door, however, proved otherwise.

 

It was her eyes he saw first. He remembered the thick eyeliner of the dominatrix in one of her videos. The makeup she wore now was a far cry from that. Her eyelashes were thick, her makeup light and natural, drawing attention to her natural beauty. Her eyes held a glint of excitement, and her cheeks pinked when he looked at her a moment longer than was necessary.

 

“Hi,” she said, the one word sounding almost shy.

 

“Hi.” His eyes flicked briefly over her and back up. He smiled.

 

The dress she was wearing was blue and perfect. It was flirty--a good date dress--and Edward was suddenly smug. Every man in the room would be jealous when he walked in with her on his arm.

 

Realizing belatedly he was staring, he looked up. An apology died on his lips when he caught her similarly staring at him. They caught each other in the act, and Edward felt the heat of his cheeks that matched the pink tint on hers.

 

That blush, the upward tick of her mouth as she smiled sheepishly, her eyes bright on his, and that dress that hugged her in just the right way… He wanted to kiss her. He wanted to kiss her very badly. She had a power over him that made his thoughts thick and his impulses seem more important than they would normally be.

 

He had the feeling she wouldn’t rebuff him if he tried to kiss her then. Would it be because she felt this same pull or because of her other proclivities?

 

With some effort, he shook off the question and cleared his throat. “Do you mind if we walk? It’s only a couple of blocks.”

 

“I noticed. I wouldn’t mind the walk.”

 

He locked the door of the apartment and fell into step beside her.

 

As they passed the bottom story, the door on the last apartment opened, and, much to Edward’s dismay, his sister popped her head out. “Hey, Bella.”

 

Bella stopped and quirked an eyebrow. “Hey, Alice.”

 

“Text me if you need me to call and rescue you. I’m great at getting people out of bad dates.”

 

“I can and will actually kill you, little sister,” Edward said, glaring daggers at his twin.

 

Alice smiled sweetly. “Look, if you’re as charming a date as you say you are, you have no need to worry, little brother.”

 

Edward flipped her the bird and took Bella’s hand, drawing her down the street.

 

“Why do you call her little sister if she calls you little brother?” Bella asked when they were a safe distance away.

 

He rolled his eyes but smiled. “Alice was born at 11:52 on June 19th, and I was born at 12:07 on June 20th. She doesn’t like to let me forget that. But she was also a full pound smaller than me and has been smaller ever since.”

 

“So little brother and literally little sister.”

 

“Exactly.”

 

They chatted easily as they walked, their fingers brushing every so often, and Edward had to fight the impulse to take her hand.

 

This woman was confusing the hell out of him. He prided himself on playing a long game. He’d had a few one night stands, and he didn’t really enjoy them. Sex was great, but sex with someone he knew was better. He was a take-it-slow kind of guy when he was really interested. And he was really interested in Bella.

 

The problem was he wanted to do too many things at once. He wanted to woo her in that old fashioned way that made his sister roll her eyes. He wanted to recoil because, hello? Anyone and everyone could see her nude body for a reasonable price. There wasn’t a point in getting through the getting-to-know-you, wooing stage when there was no way it could work out. And that raised the interesting question, what the heck was he doing there in the first place.

 

Then there was the fact he was one of the people who knew what she looked like without her clothes on, and it was impossible to forget it when she was there beside him. He’d watched her spread her legs for the camera just this morning, how could he not think about her spreading her legs for him, looking at him specifically with those eyes that promised he could have the time of his life?

 

So, yeah, what to do first? Or at all. It wasn’t fair that he was dating her, knowing that she was just as interested in him as he was in her, but also knowing that it couldn’t go anywhere. He wasn’t a fan of wasting anyone’s time, his or hers. Then again, it irked him more than a little that she hadn’t told him anything up front, letting him date her despite her proclivities. On that principle alone he should have called off this date.

 

But then again, he did want to know her story. If she was doing what she was doing for any reason he could help with…

 

“There’s something very important we have to get settled before we get there,” Bella said, her tone grave.

 

Edward stood up straighter, wondering if she was going to tell him after all.

 

Instead, Bella looped her arm through his, tugging him close so she could speak in undertones. “Do you share plates? You know, family style dining, because I like to graze. You wouldn’t deny a girl a chance at good food, would you?”

 

She said the words in a suggestive tone, batting her eyelashes, making him think dirty thoughts even though her words were innocent. He got the distinct impression he was playing with fire. But then her eyes glinted with humor, and her lips turned up in an impish smile, as though she couldn’t quite hold the the illusion of the temptress.

 

He chuckled. “Family style is the only way to do Indian food.” He quirked an eyebrow and leaned closer to her, studiously ignoring that he could feel the heat of her skin. He whispered so near her ear she shivered. “But I’m not a vegan or a vegetarian. I like meat.”

 

She shivered again, the look in her eyes momentarily dazed, but then she tilted her head, pitching her voice low again. “I’m a big fan of meat.”

 

Suddenly it wasn’t food Edward was hungry for. But he shook that off and gave her a look. “You own a vegan restaurant.”

 

With that, the conversation swung from suggestive back to a more normal, safe-for-public fare. They got to the restaurant, and Edward put on his most charming grin for the hostess. He slipped her a discreet tip, and they ended up in a cozy booth in the corner.

 

“I own a vegan and vegetarian restaurant because it’s good business sense,” Bella said when they’d settled down. “The point of opening a restaurant isn’t to feed your own face. The idea is to make money. Tanya and I were hanging around downtown Fullerton and overheard a few college kids bitching about how unhealthy everything is, and you can’t go out if you want to eat healthy, and this and that animal cruelty.”

 

“Ah, college-age idealism,” he said.

 

She nodded. “Exactly. Not that it’s a bad thing, but the college crowd is good at pet causes, and they were right. The closest vegan and vegetarian place is in Orange. I like it. I like meat too, but you know, Mead’s Green Door Cafe has an artichoke and gouda sandwich that is… I had it four days in a row once.”

 

They paused to order very much not vegan food--spicy everything--and then Edward decided it was time for some careful prodding.

 

“So. You’re just now opening up a restaurant. What have you been doing up until then?”

 

Bella quirked an eyebrow at him. “You mean how have I been making a living?” He nodded and she shrugged. “I have a business degree, because that’s the safe degree, right? You can always get a job as long as you know something about business. Yeah.” She huffed. “The office environment wasn’t for me. Too constricting.”

 

Edward leaned forward, sensing a clue. “Business hours tend to get in the way of doing anything fun.”

 

“Well, that’s part of it. But you do what you have to do. That’s where I met Tanya. We were working at a company that sold real estate websites. It was terrible. We hit it off because we have the same affliction. The desire to be your own boss disease.”

 

“You have a problem with authority?” That would definitely fit.

 

They both leaned back when the food came. He was momentarily distracted by the little noise of contentment and ecstasy Bella made when she dragged a piece of naan through the masala sauce. “God, I have dreams about this stuff.”

 

She sighed and looked up at him again. “Anyway. My dad is a cop. I think it’s prerequisite for kids with cop parents to have issues with authority.” She grinned at him. “But no. That’s not really it. It’s not that I have a problem. I just prefer not to be under anyone’s thumb.

 

“I think people naturally fall into this rut where they believe all the rules they’ve set up are necessary. Like being late, for instance. People go insane over tardiness. Depending on where you work, you’re talking about someone going berserk because you’re ten minutes late.”

 

“Well, they pay you to work from a certain time to a certain time.”

 

She cocked her head. “Do they? Because if I were running a business, what I’d be paying for is the quantity and quality of the work. And I get it. If you have to be the one opening up the business for customers at a certain time or a rep who works the phones, that’s one thing. Ten minutes in that regard is imperative. But think about it. I have never seen a person work any shift from beginning to end with no break in between. I’m not talking about legally mandated breaks. I’m talking about the five minutes you take to look at your phone, the ten minute conversation in the hallway, the twenty minutes you spend surfing the Internet. If you tell me you don’t do it, I’m going to laugh in your face and call you a liar.

 

"But people get stuck on minutes. I've seen employees who work their asses off get in trouble and get fired over minutes, for no other reason than someone somewhere got obsessed with a rule that makes no rational sense."

 

Edward frowned. "But there have to be some rules."

 

"Sure. But my point is, rules are black and white. Real life is every color under the sun. What's the point of being so stubborn about rules?"

 

They lapsed into silence, both looking at their food while Edward considered her words. It was a convenient thought, to not believe in rules. It was an excuse if ever he heard one.

 

“Edward?”

 

Concentrating on fishing a particularly evasive piece of chicken out of the masala, Edward only hummed. “Hmm?”

 

“When someone makes a purchase on my website, I can actually see the credit card information. Including the name."

 

Edward froze, the chicken halfway to his mouth. He breathed in and out before he looked up.  She was looking back at him, her expression steady. "That’s what you really wanted to know, right? Why I do that instead of working a ‘real’ job? You could have just asked."

 

He swallowed hard around the knot of  embarrassment and annoyance. "Don't you think it was your responsibility to tell me?"

 

She cocked her head. "I'm the one who brought it up."

 

"I mean before. When I asked you out. You should have told me then."

 

Her eyes narrowed. "You think I should open with that? 'Yeah I'll go on a date with you, but you should know I sell videos of myself naked?’"

 

"I think that's fair, yeah."

 

"Uh huh. So you were totally going to tell me you purchase memberships to soft-core porn sites?"

 

This took him aback. "That's not the same thing."

 

"No? So you can look at and buy nudie pictures. That’s no big deal. But I can’t be the one posing in them? That’s something that requires full, up front disclosure before the first date?” She stabbed her fork in the air in his direction. “You had no intentions of telling me you’ve seen me naked.”

 

“Well, if you didn’t want people to see you naked--”

 

“I never said I didn’t. I think it’s pretty obvious that of the two of us, only one of us has a problem with me being naked.”

 

He made an exasperated noise and pushed his paneer around his plate. “Okay. In general, I don’t have a problem with nudity. It’s just…” He put down his fork and made an effort to gentle his tone. “I don’t understand. You’re better than that.”

 

She arched an eyebrow, looking, if anything, even more pissed. “Better than what?”

 

“Than having so little respect for yourself that you would sell your body when you have another option.”

 

Bella took a deep breath, obviously trying to calm herself before she continued. “This is my favorite thing. People love to talk about having respect for your body, but you ever notice how it’s their definition of respect? We all have a body. We’re all nude under our clothes. Just because someone put it into your head that we should be ashamed of our natural state of being doesn’t mean there’s any rationality behind that.”

 

“But--”  Edward shut his mouth just as quickly as he’d opened it, realizing abruptly he had no good answer. He was sure there was one--people shouldn’t just go around naked after all--but he couldn’t find it. “You’re a feminist, aren’t you?” he asked, switching tactics. “You post a lot of feminist articles and things like that on your Facebook.”

 

She looked wary, as though she already knew where this was going. “Yes, I’m a feminist.”

 

“So how do you rationalize the two ideologies? I’ve heard the feminist rants against porn.”

 

She huffed, looking amused. “Again, I’d like to point out that you want me to rationalize the idea that I sell it even though you have no problem with the fact you buy it. You’re a feminist too, or at least I’ve seen the articles you post.”

 

Bella continued before he could speak to that. “Yes, porn is just another tool put in place to reinforce the idea women are objects. Yes, porn often reinforces unhealthy ideas. It only adds to the misinformation about consent, BDSM, and the standards of what people should be able to do in bed. The list goes on. The porn industry is just one more tool of female oppression, and many women are coerced and taken advantage of as part of that industry.”

 

“Yet you’ll be a part of it?”

 

“Here’s a challenge for you. Name an industry in which women aren’t oppressed. Any industry. I’ll wait.” She popped a samosa in her mouth and chewed, watching him.

 

Edward’s cheek twitched. “You know I can’t. You want me to agree every industry is male dominated? I do. You know I do. But the porn industry has the added effect of being degrading.”

 

“Yes, and yet even men like you, who can sit here and have an intellectual discussion about it has still bought porn.”

 

Edward opened his mouth but he quickly shut it again. She had proof he’d bought porn. What was he going to say? Usually he didn’t bother to buy it seeing as so much of it was available free on the internet but he’d bought the membership to her site because it was hers? Yeah, that didn’t sound creepy at all.

 

“There’s the way we wish the world worked and there’s reality,” Bella said. “Sex is a part of life, and therefore, porn will always be a part of life. I walk down the street, and guys don’t see me. They see a nice ass, nice legs, passable tits. That’s reality, and there are a whole bunch of men taking advantage of women in order to profit on that fact of life.

 

“But me? I’m in control of that reality. Like it or not, this--” She gestured at herself. “--is an in-demand commodity. I used that fact to my advantage, and even if you think it’s degrading to show off my body, can you at least acknowledge the business sense it took to put together a business?”

 

“You sound so proud,” he said, and winced. He hadn’t meant to say that out loud. He just found the idea so incongruous to his thoughts. He could understand porn and nude pictures as a means to an ends of making money but to actually take pride in the business?

 

“Damn right I’m proud, and why shouldn’t I be? I’m the one who packages all my media for consumption. I’m the one who came up with the advertising scheme. I’m the one who makes my website profitable and successful.”

 

“If you’re so proud of what you’re doing, why aren’t you more open about it?” he asked, not quite able to take the accusatory note out of his tone. “If Jessica had known you did this, I guarantee my sister would have known.”

 

“Because, again, I deal with reality. There’s a difference between the way things ought to be and the way things are. Jessica isn’t going to understand what I do, and I don’t care enough about her friendship to have this conversation with her.”

 

“But you’ll talk to me about it?”

 

Bella blew out a long breath and spooned some of the paneer onto her naan. “I knew the day after we met again that you were one of my customers.” Her lips quirked. “I always check. But even though you knew, you didn’t talk to me like I was scum on your shoes. And the fact you aren’t afraid to label yourself a feminist is pretty hot.”

 

When she looked up, he saw her fierce expression had turned to one more uncertain, almost shy. “Look, I really like you. I’m not seventeen anymore. I take chances, and I live with the consequences. If you can’t get past the idea I have no problem taking my clothes off for profit, fine. I understand that. It wouldn’t be the first time. We can be Facebook friends.

 

“But if it matters, you should know up front I draw my personal boundaries at having sex with other people for money. I don’t have a problem with it, but that’s my own line.” She took a deep breath and sat up straight, her shy look turning into a more confident smile. “If you decide it’s something you can work with, I’ll tell you one thing.” She leaned across the table, dropping her voice again to that flirtatious tone. “There are all kinds of benefits to dating someone who isn’t ashamed of her sexuality. Think about it.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Many thanks to barburella and songster, both of whom called me out for Bella’s rant-preachyness. They also said there was too much Kris bleeding into the characters.
> 
> Wait a minute. Does this mean they think I rant/preach all the time?!?!?!
> 
> HUMPH.
> 
> Also thanks to dizzygrl28 for back up beta.
> 
> Personal note: I’m currently writing an original fiction with a deaf person as a tertiary character. If anyone out there is familiar with deaf culture and willing to be a prereader (which is a thankless job, as Barburella and songster can tell you ;) ), I’d much appreciate it. I want to be as respectful as possible to the culture.


	5. Balls and Strokes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Shorty chapter is short, but I lost my stride with this fic for a moment. Hopefully we’re back on track now.

As Edward expected, his sister showed up before noon the next day to find out what had happened on his date. She was already half convinced he and Bella were destined. He had to admit it would have made a good story. Mutual high school crushes meet again. It was sister-assisted destiny, and she was probably already planning the wedding.

 

He tilted his head back, though Alice was just a blur. In his current position, sitting upside-down on his couch, his glasses were resting on his forehead. Still, he could see well enough to know she had her hands on her hips.

 

“What did you do?” Alice asked.

 

“What makes you think I did anything?”

 

“It obviously didn’t go well.”

 

Edward sighed. “No, it went surprisingly well.” Surprising, because it should have been awkward as hell after Bella called him out about his hypocrisy. But Bella had changed the subject and, after he’d had a chance to catch up, they’d slipped into much easier conversation.

 

“So what’s the problem, little brother?”

 

He told her.

 

Alice opened her mouth. Closed it. Opened it. “Oh.” She walked over to the couch and settled next to him, also upside down.

 

That was how Jasper found them a few minutes later. He came in and looked at them, hands on his hips. “Sugar, I can understand if your brother needs help rerouting his blood to his big head, but what are you doing?”

 

“Bella has a soft core porn website,” Alice said.

 

“Of which she’s the star,” Edward added.

 

For three seconds, there was silence. “Huh,” Jasper said. His expression was far off.

 

“She wants to date Edward.”

 

“Uh huh.” Jasper moved to the recliner and sat, like them, upside down. “You didn’t say no outright, I take it. That’s interesting.”

 

Edward huffed. “I should have, but… I don’t know. I don’t know why I didn’t.”

 

“So it’s not a deal breaker.”

 

“It should be. I thought it was.” Edward righted himself on the couch and rubbed at his temple, dizzy.

 

“This is stupid,” Alice said, getting her feet on the ground. “I’m sitting here trying to decide if this makes me feel differently about her. I like Bella. I liked her when we were kids, and I’ve liked talking to her since we found her again. Yet I’m sitting here, trying to decide if this changes how I feel about her like I found out she sold drugs to kids. Why is this so bad? She’s not doing anything wrong. She’s not even doing anything illegal. What the heck?”

 

“Friendship is one thing. I don’t have a problem being her friend.” Edward tilted his head back and forth, stretching his neck. “I mean, as a friend, I would worry about her safety. And why she’s doing this, but it’s different. I’m not the kind of guy who can share.”

 

“What exactly do you think you’re sharing?” Jasper asked.

 

Edward fixed him with a look. “Come on. Would you be comfortable if anyone with a credit card could see Alice’s bare ass whenever they wanted?”

 

Jasper grinned at him. “Hell, Edward, we gave it away for free.”

 

“What?”

 

Alice chuckled and shrugged at her boyfriend. “Give him nightmares.”

 

“When we went to France last year, Alice and I spent a bit of time at the nude beach. I didn’t feel like I was sharing her then.” Jasper raised an eyebrow. “You said softcore, right? No penetration?”

 

“Nobody else is involved. It’s just her in the pictures.”

 

Jasper hummed and leaned forward, his elbows on his knees. “Okay, let’s play with this. There’s nothing concrete about the idea that what Bella is doing is wrong. It’s a cultural thing, pure and simple. America is a lot more prudish than other countries and for no good reason. I mean, we’re not better off for it.

 

“My dad travelled a lot for work. He would tell me about how, in other countries, you didn’t have to go to the premium channels to see nudity. Yet those countries have lower rates of teen pregnancy, STI’s, all that good stuff.”

 

He waved his hand. “Anyway. It’s worth thinking about at least. If we’d been born in another country, we wouldn’t be having this conversation at all.”

 

“That’s another thought,” Alice said. “If Bella was an actress, like in movies or on HBO, she’d probably have sex scenes. Or hell, she’d definitely have kissing scenes. WIth other people, presumably. Would you feel differently if she was a movie actress?”

 

Edward frowned. Inherently, acting as a profession didn’t set off any alarm bells in his head. “I wouldn’t like her kissing someone else even for art,” he hedged.

 

He couldn’t pinpoint why nudity in the context of porn bothered him much more than the idea of Bella being an actress, pretending at loving relationships for an audience’s entertainment with a person who wasn’t him. What she was doing now should have bothered him less seeing as she was alone in her videos and photos now.

 

“You’re not going to like everything about her or everything she does,” Alice said. “That’s a given.”

 

Edward narrowed his eyes. “There are people going online right now specifically to masturbate to her nude body. You think I should be okay with that?”

 

Jasper snorted. “You know as well as I do it doesn’t take a naked body to provide, err… material. You remember that little barista at the coffee shop when we were in school.” He whistled. “Damn that ass.”

 

Alice crossed her arms. “Oh, really. Do tell me about this barista.”

 

Her boyfriend smirked. “Honey, you know yours is the only ass for me.”

 

She let him sweat another second before she smiled and looked back at Edward. “And you think my fantasies were limited to the guys I dated? Let’s put aside the fact I can picture them naked any time I want--so technically you’re never going to have a girlfriend who someone doesn’t know what she looks like naked, doing...things. But beyond that, I can tell you, while you were ogling baristas, I had a graphic imaginary sex life with my hot German professor. Damn.”

 

“Ew. A Professor?” Jasper made a face. “Don’t make me want to punch an old guy in the face. It’s unsettling.”

 

“He was thirty-two, first of all, and secondly, let’s tone down the jealous urges, bucko.”

 

Jasper saluted her.

 

“It’s...Maybe it’s the money thing,” Edward said. “She sells her body. That seems so cheap.”

 

“As opposed to the things the rest of us do for money?” Jasper snorted. “The shit we put up with from customers and superiors and pain-in-the-ass coworkers all with a smile on our face. Theoretically speaking, modesty is the least of what we’ve sacrificed in the name of a little green. Most of us, anyway.”

 

“So you’re saying I’m overreacting? There’s no reason I should have a problem with this?”

 

“Hell, I don’t know,” Jasper said. He took Alice by the arm and pulled her down with him on the recliner, studying her features for a minute. “Thing is--we do live in this culture. We have whatever ideas we have in our heads. I wouldn’t like it. It wouldn’t be an easy thing to deal with.”

 

“You only need to know if you’re interested enough in her to try,” Alice said. “That’s all dating is. Trying people out to see if they fit.” She nuzzled the side of Jasper’s head.

 

Jasper turned his head to press a soft kiss to her temple, but then he chuckled.

 

“What?” Edward asked.

 

“Just… this was every boy’s fantasy, wasn’t it? When we first stumbled on porn, glorious porn. Every boy had that fantasy to fuck the centerfold girl. You can do it.”

 

“Crass asshole.”

 

“Oh, give me a break. Don’t try to tell me you haven’t thought about it.”

 

Edward had thought about it. That was half the problem. He’d been thinking about Bella and sex in some form or fashion since he was a teenager. He’d imagined how she’d blush when he touched her.

 

It was jarring--and yet so titillating--to think of her in the role of the wild cat. Edward had more than one fantasy about her pushing him back on the bed--the couch, the backseat of the car--and straddling him.

 

He leaned forward, rubbing at his eyes.

 

“Twin, if it’s going to give you this much angst, you have to go for it,” Alice said.

 

Edward stared. “What the hell kind of sense does that make?”

 

“She’s under your skin. You walk away now, without knowing what you’re missing, you’re going to wonder for the rest of your life. And you’re not good at that.”

~0~

He tried to forget her. There was no reason she should be so important. She was a high school friend whom he’d recently reconnected with. That was all.

 

Why couldn’t he just tell himself it was a bad idea and be done with it?

 

It was the weekend, and Edward was well aware of the traffic conditions on the way to Orange County. He’d looked. For once, traffic would have cooperated. He could be there in thirty minutes. He could surprise her.

 

Instead, he turned on the TV and flipped channels. There was a Firefly marathon on that caught his interest. Space cowboys and government plots were a good distraction until he remembered Inara.

 

Inara who was a prostitute in a culture where that position was valued and respected. In the Firefly universe, for a companion to choose you as a client was a high honor, and an asshole who forgot himself would be blacklisted. Edward had seen the series before, but he hadn’t given much thought to Inara’s profession other than to feel sorry for Mal for being in love with her, and that was a vaguely misogynistic idea now that he was overthinking things. He’d never thought to express sympathy the for the female characters who fell for players.

 

So this was how it was going to be. Every song on the radio, every TV show, every movie was going to remind him of her.

 

“Point to you, Swan,” he muttered, digging out his phone. He sent a text.

 

**Do you like mini-golf?**

 

He felt like an idiot the second he sent the text. Mini-golf? Why would a girl like that like mini-golf? But it was one of his go-to dates.

 

Edward was about to send a retraction when he got a text back.

 

_**The one sport in the world I can play? Cullen, be careful what you’re starting. I can and will kick your ass at mini-golf.** _

__

His cheek twitched as he tried to imagine competitive Bella, fierce in battle with loop-de-loops and swinging pendulums. He wondered if she would bounce up and down if she got a hole-in-one. The woman was a mystery to him, equal parts adorable and vixen.

 

An adorable vixen.

 

Alice was right. He wasn’t committing to her. And apparently he was interested enough to try and figure out his mixed feelings about how she made her money. That as all he needed to know for now.

 

**Remember you said that when I’m kicking your ass. Are you free tomorrow?**

_**Is this a friends thing or is this a date?** _

 

Edward snorted. She was direct, and it charmed him.

 

**A date.**

_**Are you busy tonight? Gotta admit when I mini-golf, the words balls and stroke tend to come up in conversation.** _

__

Edward banged his head on the back of the couch, laughing at himself and how amused he was. Shaking his head, he tapped out a response.

 

**I’m sorry. Are you a twelve-year-old boy?**

_**Fifteen strokes to get it in the hole. Come on.** _

__

He was busy thinking up a good comeback when his phone chimed again.

 

_**Don’t judge me just because sports are sexually suggestive.** _

__

Reading between the lines, he wondered if his apparent silence had made her self-conscious. Maybe she wasn’t as blasé and confident about everything as she appeared.

 

The idea she was just a little flustered about him did wonders for his ego.

 

**I’m only going to judge you if it takes fifteen strokes to get it in the hole.**

_**Please. That was my prediction for you.** _

__

**I’ll be there in forty minutes, Swan. Be ready.**

_**Are you going to impress me with your ball and stroke skills?** _

__

Again, Edward had to laugh, but he couldn’t deny the twinge of discomfort that curled in the pit of his belly.

 

The rub of it was, if Bella had been any other girl, he’d have just chalked her words up to normal flirting. But then again, on a second date, he wouldn’t have known as much about Bella as he did. Whenever she was suggestive, it was Ramona Ryder he pictured not Bella Swan. The image stoked something hot in the pit of his belly, but at the same time…

 

Edward sighed. He didn’t know. He didn’t know what the heck he was doing.

 

**Forty minutes. Then we’ll talk about my ball and stroke skills.**

It only took him a few minutes to get ready--better jeans, contacts rather than glasses. Before he left, curiosity drove him to refresh his tumblr feed. Sure enough, Ramona had posted. It was a selfie pic of her, head cocked, smiling at the camera with bright eyes and a secretive smile.

 

I just feel pretty today, the caption read.

 

He smiled and thought maybe her feeling pretty was connected with him asking her on another date. It didn’t have to be. It was a fact, after all. She was pretty. More than merely pretty, she was beautiful.

 

Refreshing the post, his eyes strayed to the like and reblog count.

 

She was beautiful, and he wasn’t the only one who thought it.

  
“Here goes nothing,” he muttered, fishing his keys out of his pocket and heading out the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: My thanks to Barburella and songster for their loveliness.
> 
> How we doing, pretties? I missed you.


	6. I'll Double Your Entendre

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll Double Your Entendre

At that point, Edward didn’t know what he expected and, as per usual, he didn’t know what he wanted. Women often dressed sexy for dates, and he appreciated the hell out of a well dressed woman. But then again, it was just mini golf. He didn’t want to, but he thought he’d wonder what she was trying to prove.

 

“Overthinking it,” he murmured to himself as he got out of his car. It seemed to be a trend with his interactions with Bella.

 

As usual, Bella never did what he expected. She answered the door and she looked… She was a mess. Her hair was up in a bun that was coming undone in every direction. She was wearing a Darth Vader apron that was stained liberally. Actually, most everything about her was liberally stained, including her cheeks. “I know, I know,” she said. “I don’t like being the late girl, but I have a good excuse.”

 

She grabbed his hand and pulled him inside. Too shocked to do anything else, he let her lead him.

 

Her kitchen was a bigger mess than she was, but she took a clean spoon and dipped it into a bowl on the counter. “Are you allergic to anything?”

 

“No.”

 

“Then taste this.” She held the spoon, covered in a rich-looking chocolate frosting, up to him, her free hand cupped beneath to catch any drops.

 

Bemused now, he dipped his head to catch the chocolate on his tongue, his eyes on her until the taste registered. “Mmm.” He licked his lips, lapping up as much of the flavor as he could. “That’s really good.”

 

Her grin could have lit the whole city. “Vegan chocolate frosting. Non-dairy dark chocolate and full fat coconut milk.”

 

“That’s vegan?”

 

“Course. You can’t have a vegan eatery without a few desserts, so I’m trying a few things. We’re going to have the cookies and bars--the stuff people can take with them.” She looked up, and she seemed as startled as he felt to find they were so close together. She shouldn’t have been surprised. She’d stepped toward him, but he had leaned down toward her.

 

Bella cleared her throat, blinking. “But, I, uh...But I want to add a bit of decadence.”

 

He smiled and reached past her to dip his finger in her batter. Her eyes darkened as he put the finger to his lips, licking it off. “I’d say this is a good start.”

 

Her tongue darted out, and he would swear he could read her mind. She wanted to lick the frosting right off his tongue. Or maybe that was his wishful thinking because what he really wanted was to share the taste directly from his lips to hers.

 

She took a step back and turned away from him, putting down her spoon to pick up a forkful of something else. “Try this.”

 

SInce he’d been too busy looking at her, he had no idea what he was eating until it was melting on his tongue. He moaned. It was… Well, he didn’t want to call it a hooker moan, but it was an apt description. “Jesus Christ, that’s good.”

 

She laughed. It was such a pretty sound, Edward couldn’t feel too embarrassed about the noise he’d made. He chewed, savoring both the rich flavor and Bella’s smile. She was proud, and she damn well should have been. “Vegan chocolate pie with a strawberry compote,” she said.

 

“Mmhmm.” He let his eyes drift to her cheek. “So what’s this one?”

 

Her brows crinkled. “What?”

 

He touched the dollop of something colorful on her cheek and watched as she flushed red. He chuckled, cupping her cheek as he tried to wipe the smudge away. He laughed when it only got worse with his efforts. “Oh, man.” He hid a smile behind his hand.

 

She narrowed her eyes at him and grabbed up a clean spatula to look at herself. She gasped. “Holy crap. I’m a Picasso painting.”

 

“It’s a good look on you.” He winked.

 

Her smile curled up on one side. “Uh huh.” She picked up her frosting spoon again.

 

He rolled his eyes affectionately and didn’t resist when she dotted frosting around his face in a design that suited her. “There,” she said, smugly satisfied with her work.

 

“Very nice, Swan, but I’m not sure this is golf-course appropriate.”

 

“I need five minutes,” she said, untying her apron.

 

He swiped at his face. “Apparently, so do I.”

**~0~**

“I want the blue ball.”

 

Edward pressed his lips together. For some reason, it struck him as funny that any adult person would care what color ball they got, but the attendant just nodded, looking bored. He turned to Edward. “Do you have a preference, sir?”

 

Still trying to stifle his laughter, Edward shook his head. “No, I’m fine with whatever ball you want to give me.”

 

“I bet you do,” he heard Bella murmur under her breath.

 

He leaned closer to her. “I heard that.”

 

The attendant handed over their putters, and Edward took them. When he and Bella turned away, he didn’t hand over her putter right away but instead poked at her with the hilt. “Hey, hey, hey. That’s unsportsmanlike conduct,” she said, grabbing at the thing.

 

He held her by the shoulder an arm’s length away from him, teasing. “First thing’s first. I need to know the competitive edge you get from a blue ball.”

 

“Well, I’m a woman, so I’d say I have a pretty big competitive edge with blue balls.”

 

He grinned. She’d called it. She really couldn’t help herself. He hefted her putter and leaned in closer to her. “As a gentleman, I think it’s fair to share my competitive edge. See, being male, I have a pretty big advantage with a stick.” He held the putter out to her. “Keep it below the waist,” he said, pointing to the wooden board of rules they were passing.

 

“Not that big of an advantage, slick.”

 

“How do you know?” He stopped himself just before he put his foot in his mouth. How do you know? You haven’t seen my junk. He wouldn’t have meant it judgmentally, but it wasn’t something he could laugh about.

 

Luckily, she didn’t seem to notice his near gaff. “I’m just saying. Don’t discount my skill with a stick.”

 

Edward pressed his tongue to the roof of his mouth. This woman was going to drive him crazy before the night was out, he could already tell.

 

He cleared his throat and gestured at the courses. “So, which path?”

 

She tilted her head, giving him a look. “Come on. You know what I’m going to say.”

 

“Well, I know you like it hard, Bella.” He winked at her, enjoying seeing the fluster on her face. “But there are two hard courses, so which way do you want it?”

 

“Four is my lucky number.”

 

“Four it is. You’re going to need all the luck you can get. Don’t expect me to go easy on you.”

 

She raised an eyebrow. “It’s like you said. I like it hard.”

 

It was a strange line he was walking. Right or wrong, he couldn’t pretend what he knew about her didn’t bother him. As a result, there was an offended voice in the back of his head. He didn’t want to think about her being good at handling a stick.

 

Most of him, though, wanted that bitchy little voice to shut the hell up. He’d been on enough dates to know how rare it was for conversation to be this easy between them. And why should he have a problem with her double entendres when he was returning her barb for barb?

 

It was natural to overthink things in the early stages of dating but not like this. He was driving himself crazy, and what was the point of that when he was having fun? It was a second date. He should have been gauging the likelihood he would get a good-night kiss, not obsessing over the possible truth behind Bella’s lewd jokes.

 

“Oh, no.” He was so distracted trying to curb his thoughts, he’d missed the bank on the third hole. As a result, his ball headed over the bridge lopsided and veered off into the water with a plunk. “Damn.”

 

Bella emitted a sound that drove the irritation--minigolf or not, he was a competitive person--right out of his head. “What the heck was that?”

 

She looked at him perplexed. “What? Why are you asking me? You’re the one who can’t handle your ball.”

 

“That’s not what I’m talking about. You cackled.”

 

“I did not.”

 

“You did. That was a full on wicked witch cackle. That’s the only thing you could call it.” He would also call it adorable, but he wasn’t one to mince words.

 

Bella pressed her lips together, her face going red not only with a blush but with the effort of not laughing again. It didn’t work. She cracked up and cackled.

 

“See?” Edward said, poking her in the side. “There it is again. You’re a wicked witch.”

 

“Uh huh. Is that your excuse? Are you going to try to tell me I sent your ball off course with my voodoo skills?”

 

He fixed her with a gimlet eye. “I wouldn’t put it past you.”

 

“Go get your hands wet, sunshine. People are going to catch up with us soon.”

 

That was how Edward found himself on his belly, cringing as he reached into the water to retrieve his ball. He happened to glance over his shoulder before he straightened up and caught Bella ogling him. “Having fun up there?”

 

She waggled her eyebrows. “It’s not a bad view.”

 

He pretended he wasn’t pleased by her remark, and she tisked. “Well, if you don't want to get stared at, don’t wear jeans that tight.” She winked and offered him a hand to help him up. He took it with the hand that was all wet, of course.

 

She didn’t let him go immediately when he was on his feet. “Try it again, bucko. Remember, the ball goes in the hole over there.” She pointed and stepped closer to him pushing onto the balls of her feet so she could speak near his ear. “And because I’m feeling benevolent today, I’m not even going to count your strokes.”

 

The girl did make it difficult for him to use his big head. Edward took a deep breath as she stepped away from him. “Maybe you should count my strokes. This is the only the third hole. You’re going to rue the day.”

 

“Bring it.”

 

Not everything out of their mouths was dirty. As they played, they talked about their family, Forks, school, and what they’d been doing--besides the obvious--since high school.

 

On the eighth hole, he got his payback. Or rather, he should have, but Bella’s mess-up proved to be a bit more violent. It was an up the ramp, through the opening and closing door of the castle type of hole. Bella hit the ball too hard, and as a result, it had ricocheted off the closing door. She squeaked, jumping out of the way. The ball whized past them, hit a rock, shot up and hit Edward so hard in the arm, he cried out.

 

“Gah. Edward. Oh, man. I’m sorry.”

 

“Jesus H.” Edward’s eyes watered, and he blinked sporadically because he didn’t want to cry. He chuckled, and hung his head, shaking it as he kept his free hand gripped over his wounded arm. “Bella, if you were that pissed, you should have told me.”

 

“That was crazy. I’m really sorry.”

 

She looked so bereft, he laughed again and tapped her chin to get her to look up. “Somehow, I think I’m going to survive. I won’t be beat by your pathetic attempts to disqualify me, witch.”

 

That brought her grin back. She caught his hand and pulled him forward. “Here. I’ll kiss it better.”

 

Bella didn’t kiss his arm. Oh, no. Instead, she kissed him right on the lips. It was a quick smack, all sweetness and surprise, like they were grade school kids. She kissed him, and he stood there, wide-eyed while she ran away to look for her ball. He blinked, stuck on stupid, watching her. She was blushing. Even her neck and the tips of her ears were red.

 

Her kiss had been innocent--a tease that he could easily brush off as not serious if he wanted.

 

But he wanted serious.

 

As she stood, triumphant with ball in hand, he was right behind her. She jumped, startled at his nearness, but before she could say anything, he took her wrist and spun her toward him. He ducked his head and kissed her. Properly. Without the slightest bit of childish innocence. He slid his fingers through her hair, cupping the back of her neck to bring her closer. He closed his eyes, catching her yelp of surprise and the little whimper that came after.

 

Her hands were strong and firm at his back, and her lips responded to his, matching his fervor kiss for kiss.

 

This wasn’t a normal second date kind of kiss. The intensity of it made him woozy, and when they broke to breathe, Edward was hanging onto her as much to keep himself upright as to hold her close.

 

They blinked at each other as though stunned.

 

“Do you mind if we play through?”

 

Edward and Bella jumped apart, disentangling from each other’s arms. Edward rubbed the back of his neck, trying to remember how the English language worked. “Yeah. Sure. Go ahead. Sorry,” he said.

 

Bella was sitting on the bench at the head of the hole. He couldn’t read her expression. She was still flushed, her eyes unfocused, but she turned toward him as he sat beside her.

 

There was a strange energy between them. Everything had changed, and it had happened too quickly. When Bella raised her eyes to his her smile was too small. It was genuine but tempered around the edges with a new vulnerability. The dial of their relationship had flipped from interested and casual to something beyond that, and that change brought with it a whole new set of rules.

 

He had the power to hurt her now, and they both knew it.

 

Edward brushed the back of his knuckles down her cheek. Right then, she looked more than ever like the teenage girl he’d kept in his thoughts for years. He tried again to make the angel of his memories and raunchy Ramona coalesce into the woman he’d been getting to know over these last few weeks. He sighed because the last thing he ever wanted to do was be careless with any woman.

 

“Come on,” he said after another minute without a firm answer coming to him. The couple who’d played through their game had moved on to another hole. “I’m still going to kick your ass, wounded or not. That’ll show you, witch.”

 

That seemed to break the tension in the air. Her smile was much wider as she got to her feet. “Bring it, Cullen.”

 

In another hole, they were back to joking and talking. Bella giggled with a witch’s cackle when they got to another bridge, and Edward’s ball once again veered off the bridge. Bella gasped and looked at him. “Oh, snap. Maybe I am a witch. Quick. Let’s find a broom. There’s something I want to try.”

 

Edward was able to retrieve his ball on his hands and knees this time, and Bella stood over him, still grinning. “You have to face it, Edward. Your ball just likes to be wet.”

 

He glanced over his shoulder and splashed her, making her hop around and sputter. “That got in my mouth. That’s disgusting. Do you know how many balls have been in there?”

 

The second to last hole was a simple one. The hole itself was protected by a hanging log, which Edward set to swinging wildly.

 

“I got this,” Bella said as she set up her shot. “I’m used to dodging sticks.”

 

He laughed, but she was right. She got her third hole-in-one and, as they were neck and neck, sealed her victory for the night. She did a little dance of triumph.

 

It took him five strokes to make it past the swinging log, but he couldn’t say he minded the teasing when she was still gleeful from her victory.

 

“So what do you think?” he asked as they stared at the last hole. “We could move on to another course.”

 

She gasped in mock horror. “What? And not pay for another game. That’s pretty morally reprehensible of you. Why do the good girls always want the bad boys?” She shook her head to herself.

 

“Oh, Isabella.” He took her hand and drew her closer to him so they were nose to nose. “We both know you’re not a good girl.”

 

Her breath caught.

 

Good god, he wanted to kiss her again. He wanted it so badly, he thought he was going to go out of his mind with the need. But if he started kissing her, he wasn’t going to want to stop. He sighed and took a cautious step backward, struggling to remember what he’d been about to say before he got too close. “Morally reprehensible my left foot. You’re hungry, aren’t you?”

 

She smiled again, her eyes sparkling with humor. She squeezed their still joined hands. “I’m wasting away before your eyes. What kind of a date is this that you would let a girl starve to death?”

 

“What can I say? I’m a horrible human being.” He took her ball from her and rolled them both up the ramp. “So. What do you feel like?”

 

“What’s wrong with here?”

 

He looked at her. “You want me to feed you arcade quality pizza and hot dogs?”

 

“Not hot dogs. I can’t take balls and weiners in one night. It’s too much even for my filthy mind.”

 

He lifted his free hand to cover his mouth. “A tee hee. Weiners and balls. Tee hee hee.”

 

“You know, it’s considered bad form to make fun of your date.”

 

“Ah, that’s what I’ve been doing wrong. No wonder I’m still single.”

 

They ended up back at the wine and tapas bar where they’d gone with Tanya and Alice. Edward couldn’t take his eyes off her. She was smart, funny, and beautiful. And when they walked out to the parking lot, hand in hand, the desire to kiss her hand turned into need.

 

He was beyond intrigued. He was beyond interested. He was falling. Fast. And even though he knew that meant he needed to think before he acted, she was irresistible when she was right in front of him.

 

Edward put a hand on her hip, facing her and took a step forward. She stepped backward but didn’t pull away. With another step, she was pressed back against his car. He put his other hand on the roof, leaning in, breathing in the sweet Moscato on her breath as she looked up at him. The vulnerability was still there but so was a reflection of the want he felt. She wasn’t stopping him. So he tilted his head and kissed her.

 

This third kiss was slow and serious. Unlike their second kiss, which had been a chaotic blast of heat, this was a simmer. Warmth spread from his lips through his body to the center of his being. A controlled burn, because if he let it loose he was just as likely to bend her over the hood and have her right there in the parking lot. And he did want that, but he also wanted this.

 

He shivered when she touched his shoulder and again as her fingers slid up into his hair. She made tiny sighs, and her hand at the small of his back pushed him closer. He could feel every movement of her body, pinned as she was between him and the car.

 

When their kisses had dwindled to small, sweet pecks, he pulled back, though just enough he could rest his forehead against hers. He ran his fingers over her lips, and she kissed them. It was intimate. Too intimate for second dates and too intimate for them not to be on the same page.

 

All things considered, he was glad he’d kissed her there in the parking lot. If he’d kissed her goodnight on her doorstep, she might have invited him in, and he would have said yes.

 

He'd gotten in over his head in the space of a few hours and he wasn't sure he minded.

"Come on." He tugged her up off the car so he could open the passenger door. "I'll take you home."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Thanks so much to barburella and to jessypt.
> 
> SO!
> 
> Thoughts?


	7. I'm Feeling

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for your patience. This Edward is hard to talk to. Tight lipped mofo!

“Hey!” Edward protested and leaped to his feet as his phone was yanked out of his hands.

 

Alice danced out of his reach in a game they’d perfected as children. “Little brother, when you can’t stop looking at your phone long enough to get three sentences in a row out of your mouth, you lose your phone privileges.”

 

“Look, I’m sorry I didn’t find your babbling about the Paris fashion show riveting. Give it.”

 

“Uh huh.” Alice was way too nimble for anyone’s good. How she kept darting out of reach while never taking her eyes off the phone was beyond him. “So it has nothing to do with you cyberstalking Bella’s tumblr page, right?”

 

Edward snatched back his phone, glaring at his sister. He’d have come up with some lie if she were anyone else, but she wasn’t. She was his twin, and she already knew he was full of shit. “If I have to share her with the world, I might as well reap the benefits of getting to know what she’s thinking.”

 

Alice stood there, hands on her hips, staring at him for three full seconds before she gave him a smack upside the back of his head.

 

“What the hell, Alice?”

 

She sat next to him. “That’s a stupid comment to make from the person who got home on Saturday night and updated his status to ‘I’m feeling sleepy.’ You think she isn’t cyberstalking you just as hard as you’re cyberstalking her? Was that the kind of crap you wanted her to post on her Facebook? Or were you looking for a video of her playing with herself, thinking about you?”

 

“Don’t be disgusting.”

 

Alice rolled her eyes. “You’re lucky I’ve been busy the last couple of days. I wanted to kick your ass when I saw that update. Sleep.” She scoffed. “What kind of bullshit was that?”

 

“It was late when I got home. I was tired.”

 

“You went out of your way to make a bullshit post after what must have been a good date. You posted that knowing she would see it. You’re playing with her, and that’s fucked up.”

 

“That wasn’t my intention.” He ran a hand through his hair, agitated.

 

Alice tilted his her head, studying him. Then she laughed. “Oh, man. You’re really fucked, aren’t you? That’s what your problem is. Usually you’re with a chick and you’re in control, but you’re out of your mind with Bella, aren’t you?”

 

“Gee, and this whole time I thought my problem was the girl I’m dating sells her body.”

 

“No, the problem you’re having is that the girlfriends you’ve had never hit you this hard. You never get this deep.”

 

Edward was already shaking his head. “That’s ridiculous. We’ve had two dates and have technically only known each other for a few weeks.”

 

“What does that have to do anything? Edward, I knew Jasper was the one for me the first night I met him.”

 

“Come off it. You two were friends for years before you got together.”

 

Alice gave him a cool look. “Yeah, we were. Imagine going through that. Every time you two idiots went out trolling the bars for babes...well, it didn’t feel good. But just because it took me a few years to admit it doesn’t mean I didn’t know from minute one.”

 

“That’s not the same. You had a feeling, and you still had years to get on the same page. Years after you knew him well.”

 

“Maybe, but that’s not the point. Maybe all this angst isn’t about her nudes. Maybe the nudes are an excuse. Love is scary, little brother.”

 

“I’m not in love with her.”

 

“Sure you’re not.”

 

“I’m--”

 

The sound of his phone chiming had him distracted instantly.

 

Busy tomorrow?

 

Edward was suddenly glad his sister couldn’t pick up the erratic beat of his heart. She did, however, cuddle up to him so she could see what he was staring at. She cackled. “Oh, good. Looks like she’s not going to wait for you to get your head out of your ass.”

 

Choosing to ignore his sister, Edward texted back.

 

Other than work? No.

 

“Are you sure you’re not too sleepy?” Alice asked, and she flicked his ear.

 

There’s a film I want to see at Sundance Sunset. Indie film. One night only. You want to be my date?

 

“Movie dates are code for canoodling in the back seat,” Alice said.

 

“See, this is what happens when you’re an uncultured swine. You don’t go to a Sundance movie to canoodle. It’s not some Michael Bay, pointless action flick like you and Jazz lgo to,” he teased.

 

“Maybe you shouldn’t get with Bella. I don’t know if I could stand hanging out with two pretentious assholes.”

**~0~**

Alice and Edward worked within a few blocks of each other and so carpooled to work on the days she couldn’t work from home. That day, before Edward got out of the car, Alice grabbed his arm.

 

“I’m not kidding. That ‘I’m feeling sleepy’ crap you pulled is devastating. You’re lucky Bella was strong enough to get over it and stupid enough to ask you out. You always say you don’t like games, little brother. Don’t play games with her. I get that what she does for a living is an issue. We all have issues. You don’t get to claim the moral high ground by default.”

 

As he made his way to the parking lot at the end of the day, Edward wondered if there was some truth to his sister’s claim. He wanted to dismiss the idea the status update was an asshole move. He’d been sleepy.

 

But the reason he was so damn exhausted was he’d spent the whole car ride back from Orange County driving himself insane. Maybe he posted that status update because he was sleepy, and maybe he was just a little bit bitter about the fact Bella had him tied up in knots. Part of him was irritated at the fact he had to think so hard around her. It was supposed to be easy, wasn’t it? You like someone. They like you and that was that.

 

Except that Alice was also right that the relationships he’d had never ran this deep. He liked the women he’d been with, and they’d liked him. In the end, that had never been enough.

 

Bella was already in her car waiting for him when he got outside. She didn’t see him at first, and he was able to watch her for a few seconds. She was rocking out to whatever she was listening to. His lips quirked as he fought a grin, but as usual, his enjoyment of her won out.

 

Maybe his life would be simpler if he didn’t like her, but he did. He really did.

 

He was probably smiling like a moron when he got in the car.

 

“Hey, stud.” She flashed him a grin as she turned down the volume. “How was work?”

 

“You know. Working with an injury is never fun. Even if most of my job includes a lot of typing.”

 

Bella’s brows furrowed in concern. “An injury? What’s wrong? Did you hurt yourself?”

 

“Typical abusive behavior, Swan. Pretending you had nothing to do with this.” He rolled up his sleeve, showing off the bruise from her golf ball. It was only beginning to fade.

 

“Oh, wow.” She winced in sympathy, skimming her fingers over the discolored skin. Her eyes found his. “I really got you, didn’t I?”

 

A shiver went down his spine at her touch. Her head was close enough to him he could have kissed her easily, but he had other ideas. He twisted his shoulder toward her. “Make it better?”

 

Amusement cut through the guilt in her eyes, and she smiled again. She held his gaze while she leaned forward to brush her lips over his skin. “Better?”

 

“Hmm, that’s not what you did before.”

 

There was a surprised kind of pleasure in her eyes, like he’d just answered a question she hadn’t asked. He had exactly one second to feel like an ass--Alice was right, his online indifference had to have hurt her--before she was kissing him.

 

It was a soft kiss and quick. He pressed back against her, raising his hand to cup her cheek briefly before she pulled away.

 

One question answered. They still weren’t trying to be just friends.

**~0~**

The movie didn’t start for an hour and a half.

 

“You want to get dinner?” Bella asked.

 

“Sure.”

 

“Know any place good around here?”

 

“I’m not too familiar with Sunset, actually.”

 

“Well, how about we walk until we find something that calls to us?”

Edward offered her his hand and smiled when she took it. “That sounds like a good plan to me.”

 

By the time they’d settled for a little bistro that didn’t have a long wait, Bella was regaling him with stories about the interviews she’d been conducting.

 

“Oh, they’re adorable. Some of the things they say. You know I’m not one for business suits or anything like that, but I had this one kid come straight from the beach. Flip flops, beach trunks, one of those tank top things that actually gets smaller in the back, and, and sunglasses he wore the whole time. Inside.”

 

Edward laughed. “How do you know he came from the beach though?”

 

“Oh, I could be stereotyping, I suppose, but the sand he left all over my store and my office is pretty damning evidence.”

 

“Well, there is that. So I guess he’s out then.”

 

Bella shrugged. “I don’t know.”

 

Edward raised an eyebrow.

 

“Obviously we’re going to have to have a talk about bringing the beach with him, but just because he’s a surfer dude doesn’t mean he can’t be a good employee.”

 

“I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised at that.”

 

She eyed him over her tea, but she didn’t comment. “I like his vibe.”

 

“Oh, well. As long as he has the right vibe.”

 

“I have my own vibes,” she said with a wink. “But don’t worry. If I do hire him, I’ll make sure to make some more steadfast choices too. There’s this other kid, James…”

**~0~**

The movie was bad.

 

Edward shifted in his seat, bored out of his mind. His distraction was dangerous. Being in the dark with Bella so close was dangerous in and of itself. Without the movie to divert his attention, he was beginning to fixate on the random ways he wanted to touch her.

 

She probably wouldn’t mind holding his hand. He pressed his tongue to the roof of his mouth, inwardly chiding himself for the juvenile trick that came to mind. If he left his hand palm up on the armrest beside him, she might take the initiative herself.

 

But then again, he wanted to do so much more than hold her hand. He suspected if she put her hand in his, he would work his fingers up the inside of her arm, or maybe he would put his hand on her knee.

 

Edward jolted when felt the press of a toe against his ankle. She’d kicked off her shoe so she could tease him. He glanced at her, seeing that while her eyes were on the screen, she was smirking.

 

There was nothing funny about the movie they were watching.

 

Smirking himself, he gave in to temptation. He put his hand on her knee, brushing his fingertips along the inside of her leg. He turned and pressed a kiss to her cheek. She sucked in a breath, but she didn’t stop him. She found his hand and began caressing his fingers. For something so simple, it was a surprisingly intimate.

 

He readjusted himself in his seat, turning his attention to pressing tiny kisses in a path from her cheek up to her ear. He grinned against her skin when she swallowed a small squeak. “Shhh,” he whispered in her ear. “Watch the movie.”

 

Bella huffed. “It’s a bad movie,” she whispered back.

 

He chuckled, letting his warm breath kiss her skin. “It is a bad movie.”

 

“Shh,” someone said.

 

Edward put two fingers to her chin and turned her head toward him. “Yeah. Shh,” he said, and he kissed her to keep both their mouths busy.

**~0~**

After the movie, they ducked into a bar. That was his second mistake. Drinking when he’d spent the last half of the movie getting progressively drunker on kissing Bella. He’d had half a mind to pull her back to her car, but no. That couldn’t be right.

 

Not yet.

 

But all the questions he had in his head mixed with alcohol and lust had him in a strange mood. Still, they had a good time at the bar, picking apart the movie and sharing kisses that lingered longer as time went on.

 

Eventually, though, they had to move on. They were almost back to her car, and Bella was talking again about how nervous she was for the restaurant to open, when the words slipped out.

 

“If your restaurant is successful, will you keep doing what you’re doing?”

 

Bella’s step faltered. Her hand slipped from his.

 

“I’m sorry,” Edward said, though he wasn’t sure that he was sorry for asking. He was sorry that the happy atmosphere around them had dissipated in an instant.

 

“No, I want you to be able to ask about it.” She stepped away a few paces, wringing her hands. “If this is going to work, we have to be able to talk.”

 

“But I didn’t want you to be upset.”

 

Bella shook her head. “You didn’t do anything, really.” She reached for his hand and played with the tips of his fingers. “I know this isn’t simple for you, but it’s not easy for me either. I can understand your discomfort, but I have limits.” She looked up at him. “Whenever you ask me something about my work, or I can see you’re thinking about it, I’m afraid you’re going to say something I can’t put up with.

 

“I’m realistic. I wish this wasn’t a problem for you the same way I’m sure you wish I’d never taken even a picture. I don’t know where you are with this.” She gestured between them. “But I’m at that annoying point where I want you to think everything about me is amazing. Obviously, you’re ashamed of what I do.”

 

“I never said that,” Edward said.

 

“Didn’t you?” Bella leaned against her car, wrapping her hands around her arms. “I get that you’re trying to figure out if you can accept this about me. And this part isn’t your fault. But this is the first time in years I’ve wished I was someone else. Someone with a normal job.”

 

“I’m not ashamed of you.” He took her hand again. “I don’t understand. I really don’t understand, but it’s not shame. I don’t think you should be ashamed.”

 

“What’s to understand? It was a business decision. That’s all.”

 

“Is it?” Edward raked a hand through his hair. “I just want to know how it started. Why would you even think of it in the first place? Did someone--” He bit his tongue, but it was too late.

 

Bella narrowed her eyes. “Did someone what?”

 

Edward shook his head. “Never mind. That’s--”

 

“You’re not one of those who think the only people who get into this kind of work have been hurt that way, are you?”

 

Edward swallowed hard, wishing his head was clearer than it was. “That day in the Twisted Vine, you said Mike Newton was a horny, handsy bastard.”

 

Bella gave a humorless laugh, pushing off the car. “You want to feel sorry for me?” she said, beginning to pace. “You don’t want to be ashamed of me, but you want to feel sorry for me? Because you can’t believe I would choose this?”

 

“That’s not what I meant.”

 

“I did choose this,” Bella said.

 

God, she was fabulous when she was furious. Her eyes sparked and her cheeks flushed, and he was just making a mess of this conversation. His eyes followed her back and forth trek toward and away from him.

 

“No, I’ve never been raped. I’ve never come close. Have guys touched me when I didn’t want them to or say creepy shit? Well, yeah, because yes, all women, but--”

 

He caught her hand as she passed and pulled her up against him. Her words cut off in a yelp as she collided with him, and he didn’t give her a chance to continue her tirade. He kissed her. Hard. He pinned her back against her car and snaked his hand down around the back of her leg. He tugged and she responded, wrapping one leg up around his waist.

 

“I’m sorry,” he said between kisses. He moved his lips down to her neck, tilting her head back so he could kiss her throat. “I’m not ashamed, and I don’t want you to be ashamed.”

 

Shame was still the wrong word, but he wasn’t going to come up with the right word today.

 

Bella sighed and cupped his cheeks, bringing his face back up. She kissed him, urging his mouth open. She tasted like the cherries she’d asked for with her Pepsi. Her hands running up and down his back sent such a thrill through him, his nipples hardened.

 

Among other things.

 

He pulled back.

 

Bella’s hands rested on his shoulders. She panted--they were both breathless--and licked her lips. Her eyes fluttered closed briefly and she took a deep breath. When she opened her eyes, they were calmer. She scratched her fingers through the tendrils of hair at the base of his neck.

 

“What I’m doing...there is a finite timeline with it.” Her lips quirked up at one side. “We’re not as young as we used to be, Cullen.”

 

She stroked his cheek. “I don’t know what I’ll do if the restaurant succeeds. I’ve seen enough Kitchen Nightmares to know it can take years for a restaurant to fail. But I won’t always be this. I know that.”

  
Edward moved his hand to her hip and pulled her toward him for another kiss. “Witch,” he whispered against her lips and kissed her again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Many thanks to songster and barburella.  
> How we doing, kids?


	8. All In

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Quick Tumblr lesson. On tumblr, you follow people, and whatever they post or reblog (posting other people’s stuff) shows up on your feed. And then you can reblog anything someone else posts.

“What the hell are you doing?”

 

Edward craned his head as he pushed his glasses back up his nose and grinned at Bella, who was looking down at him, hands on her hips while amusement lit up her features. “I’m sitting in my chair upside down,” he said.

 

“I can see that, but why?”

 

“I do this when I’m thinking.”

 

“What are you thinking about?”

 

He sighed, looking up at her pretty face. “You.”

 

Her cheeks tinged pink. She knelt down, taking his face between her hands and kissed him.

 

Spiderman kisses. Awesome. He brushed his thumb across the skin behind her ear.

 

Bella pulled back, drawing the back of her knuckles down her cheek as she looked on him, her expression adoring and contemplative. “You know what our problem is?”

 

“What’s that?” he asked.

 

“Things between us changed too quickly, didn’t they? I mean, I’m not the only one who thinks that, right?”

 

He stroked his fingers down her neck. “I think we’re on the same page there. That’s a problem.”

 

“No. The problem is things changed before we could get to the easy, casual sex.” She sighed with mock gravity. “That would have been fun. Now we have to be more careful, because it will mean something different.”

 

Edward cocked his head. “Do you do casual sex often?”

 

The expression on her face darkened, and she pulled away from him completely.

 

“Bella, I didn’t mean anything by that.” Edward righted himself and slid off his seat onto the floor and faced her. “It’s an honest question. I’m no monk, and I’m no stranger to casual sex. It gets a little boring, I think.”

 

She studied him for a moment, but then her defenses slipped. “Yeah, I can get behind that. There are only so many first times you can have before the novelty wears off. It’s nice to get to that point where someone knows you so well, they know exactly how to touch you.” She settled into a cross-legged position. “To answer your question, yeah, I’m a fan of casual sex, but personally, I can only have sex with people I like, casual or otherwise.”

 

Edward hummed, his eyes darting down to her lips. “Do you like me, Bella?”

 

Her lips twitched and she came to sit beside him, her back against the couch. She put her arm around his shoulders and caught his lips. She whimpered into his mouth as he brushed his fingers against her side, not quite tickling, not quite caressing.

 

She sighed, pulling back to kiss his chin. “Yes, Sally Field, I like you. I really like you. Don’t change the subject.”

 

Her fingers played with the hairs at the nape of his neck. Her expression turned serious as she looked at him. “So are you in or are you out?”

 

Blunt as ever. Edward ducked his head, inhaling the scent of her skin and her hair. “How often do people recognize you from your site?”

 

She laughed, cupping his face again. “I’ve been doing this for three years, and you’re the first one.”

 

His eyebrows shot up. “Really?”

 

“Do you know how many people have looked at my site? Total?”

 

“Tell me.”

 

“In three years, about fifteen thousand. Total. And not all of them were subscriptions. A lot browsed the sample section and left it at that. My tumblr account has another two thousand followers. I’m assuming at least some of those are part of my membership base. At least, my metrics support that theory. And of all my advertising posts, so to speak, not a single one of them can be considered Tumblr famous. I think the most popular one has been reblogged two hundred times. These numbers are worldwide. There are over three million people in Orange County alone.”

 

Edward wrapped an arm around her waist, bringing her tight against him. “So, some might say me finding you was fate.”

 

Bella raised an eyebrow. “What? You’re telling me I’m not more trouble than I’m worth?”

 

“Have you read Greek myths, Bella? Fate has always been an asshole.”

 

“Then I am more trouble than I’m worth. You know what happens to people in Greek myths. They get fucked.”

 

Edward lunged forward, delighting in Bella’s shriek as he tackled her and pinned her on her back. “Isn’t that what we’ve been talking about?” he asked, thrusting his hips against hers for emphasis. She gasped, writhing under him, her eyes dark. He held himself up on his arms and lowered his head so they were nose to nose. “I’m done talking.”

 

He closed that last inch that separated them, and felt the vibration of her groan on his lips. His kiss wasn’t gentle. He wanted to consume her. He wanted to fill her, body and mind, and she wasn’t resisting. Far from resisting, when his tongue demanded entrance, she parted her lips for him. When more of his weight settled on her, she spread her legs and wrapped them around him, her heels at his ass. She matched his kisses, and ran her fingers up his back under his shirt, digging her nails into his skin when he rutted against her.

 

Now that he had his hands on her, he wondered how he’d resisted. He could survive on the little moans she fed him, on the reactions he could draw from her body. She didn’t sound like this when she was performing. This wasn’t an act. These noises, the helpless way her hands scrambled at his back, were his.

 

There was entirely too much cloth separating him from her skin.

 

Edward rolled off her, and then pushed up onto his knees. As soon as she’d followed suit, he pulled her shirt up and off and had her bra off in the next heartbeat. Her nipples were hard and impossible to resist. He didn’t try. He ducked his head and took one nipple in his mouth, nipping lightly.

 

“Fuck,” she cried, tangling her fingers in his hair. “Christ on a tortilla.”

 

He lifted his head with a laugh. “You’re ridiculous,” he said, brushing his thumb over her other nipple, lest it find itself lacking for attention.

 

“You’re wearing too many clothes,” she countered, tugging at his shirt.

 

He let her go long enough to take his glasses and shirt off, then he wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her against him. This he liked. Her skin was soft beneath his fingertips. Her nipples poked at his chest. They kissed around whimpers of pleasure, each of them fumbling at the other’s pants.

 

Somehow, between kisses and caresses, they managed to get satisfactorily naked. Bella had no sooner kicked her panties off her foot when he grabbed her. He turned her around, pressing his chest to her back as he bent her over so she caught herself on her hands. He brushed her hair back over one shoulder and took her earlobe in his mouth even as his hand snaked around her, between her legs. “Oh, god,” she said, bucking back against him when he found her clit.

 

“Are you on something?” he asked, his voice a rumble at her ear.

 

“Yes.”

 

He moved his lips to her neck, and she threw head back with a moan as he scraped his teeth along her skin. “Do you trust me?” he asked, pressing his fingers between her slick folds for emphasis. He was clean. He knew that, but that didn’t mean she was comfortable without protection.

 

“Yes. Oh.” She panted, leaning on one hand so she could bring the other up to his cheek, cupping it there. “Do you trust me?”

 

Even in the heat of the moment, he could hear the heavy note behind those words. Just because it felt like he shared her with faceless men didn’t mean that was actually the case.

 

He kissed her cheek and then her lips with more care and sweetness than he had before. “Yes.”

 

She thrust against his hand, hot, and wet, and ready for him. “Edward,” she said on a breath.

 

He brought them both back up so they were kneeling upright. He used his knees to guide her legs apart and took his cock in his hand, teasing her entrance. He wrapped his free arm around her waist and ran the tip of his nose behind her ear. “Bella.” His voice was hoarse with desire and the need to be inside her, but there was something important he needed to tell her first. “I want you to be mine. Are you?”

 

She reached behind her to put her hands at his sides. “God, this is coercion, you know.”

 

He tightened his grip. “Are you?”

 

“Yes. Yes, yes.”

 

He entered her then with a one, two stroke. She cried out, digging her fingers into the flesh of his ass. Edward stifled what would have been an embarrassingly loud moan right at the space where her neck met her shoulder. Her heat enveloped him, just snug and fuck-perfect.

 

“Fuck-perfect isn’t a word,” Bella said.

 

Edward moved his hand to her breast and pinched her nipple between her fingers. She clenched around him as her body jolted. “Do you like that?” he asked against her ear, moving in her as he rolled her nipple.

 

“Oh, fuck.”

 

He gave her nipple another squeeze, drawing out another cry. “That’s not the answer to that question.”

 

“Yes. You bastard. Christ.” She tilted her head, giving him better access to her neck. He latched his mouth there, nibbling and sucking as his fingers sought out sensitive spots on her body. Her hips rolled in time with his thrusts.

 

She was very vocal.

 

"You have a filthy fucking mouth when I'm filling you, don't you?" he murmured near her ear. He took her hand and guided it between her legs. "You feel that? I love how you feel."

 

Her hand circled him where he was pumping into her. She tilted her head against his.  "It's good. So fucking good."

 

Knowing he wasn't going to last much longer, he moved his hand to her clit, matching the rhythm of their movements.

 

"Edward," she said around a whimper. She put her hand over his, and they stroked her together.

 

With a strangled cry, Bella pitched forward onto her hands, and then it was Edward who shouted. With her movement, he was buried so deep inside her, he almost lost himself right there. He gripped her waist hard, steadying them both as they adjusted.

 

"Shit. Oh, god. Oh, fuck." Apparently, this new position was touching all the right buttons. She slammed herself back against him. Only a second later, she screamed, and the sound of it, the feel of her walls gripping and convulsing, triggered his own release.

 

Bella slumped forward, her head in her arms, her ass still up in the air. Edward pulled out of her, shaky as he let himself fall to the floor on his back beside her. She crawled the couple paces to him and curled up against his side, her head on his chest. He wrapped an arm around her, wiping the sheen of sweat from her back as he tilted her head up for soft, slow kisses.

 

As the heat drained from them, the air was too cold on their damp skin. Bella's post coital trembling turned to shivering, and Edward pushed past the lethargy that had made his limbs boneless. He got to his feet and pulled her up into his arms.

 

"I can walk, you know," she said, her smirk tempered around the edges with the same tenderness he felt.

 

He quirked an eyebrow and set her back down, but just as quickly picked her back up again, throwing her over his shoulder this time. She yelped, giggling as she called his name. As he moved toward his bedroom, she peppered his ass with sharp, stinging smacks.

 

They were both laughing when he tossed her on his bed and quickly climbed over her. He attacked her without mercy, tickling her in retaliation for the spanks. He tickled her until she was writhing and howling with giggles, pleading between gasps for him to stop.

 

He did stop, holding himself up on one arm as he looked down at her flushed, beautiful face.

 

This didn't feel like their first time. How could it feel so much like she'd been a part of him forever?

 

He stroked her cheek with reverence and leaned in to kiss her. It was a languid kiss. He lay beside her, wrapping his comforter around them and in the feel of her under his fingertips.

 

An hour passed like that and neither of them spoke. They kissed, touched and stared at each other.

 

And then, Bella sighed. She closed her eyes, and when she opened them, he knew they had to talk. She took his hand and began to play with his fingers. "So that's it? All you needed to know after all that was that you're probably not going to run into any of my customers?"

 

He brushed his hand up and down her side, thinking through his answer. “I don’t like how I feel about what you do. It’s incongruent with my worldview. I’m not a conservative by a long shot, and I thought I was above the societal conception that there’s something shameful about sex.”

 

Bella pulled back a bit so she could look at him. An amused smile played at her lips. “That’s an awfully eloquent thing to say when we’re naked.”

He smirked and ran the tip of his finger down the bridge of her nose. “Well you are distracting as hell, but I’ve been practicing.” He sighed. “Rationally, I’m fine with it. Irrationally…I hate that other people are probably looking at you right now. I hate what they’re thinking about you, and what they’re doing while they think it.”

 

His voice had gone rough and he put his hand behind his head, trying to quell the urge to roll over onto her and into her again, claiming her. Owning her, and wasn’t that a disturbing thought?

 

He rolled his head to look at her. “I’ve watched a lot of porn, Bella.”

 

“Hey, me too.”

 

“And there’s the other problem I have with my own problem. It makes me, at best, a hypocrite.”

 

She nodded, her smile gentle but serious. “Yeah, it does.” She let that hang between them for a moment before she rescued him. “But that’s kind of the human condition, isn’t it? We’re a cultural mess of crap that doesn’t make very much sense and yet, it’s part of who we are.” She ran her fingers through his hair. “So, we’re doing this?”

 

He grinned. “I’m in, if you’re in.”

 

“Oh, baby. I’m all in.”

 

Then he did roll over her and into her, but not because he wanted to own her. He made love to her, soft, slow and lazy. Because he adored her. Because she was his and he was hers and this was theirs.

 

Right then, that was the only thing that mattered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: We’re not done by a long shot.  
> My thanks to barburella and myheroin01!   
> So? How are we feeling about things now?


	9. Now What

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: What SHOULD I be doing? Finishing the TWO papers I need to have done before tomorrow. TOMORROW. What did I do instead? I make awesome life decisions.

For the most part, Edward slept like the dead. When he woke, he did so slowly, reactivating one inch at a time--a twitch of a toe, a roll of his back, clearing his throat--leaving his mind to the last.

That morning he was thrown into wakefulness by a one-two sucker punch of sensation. The first thing that had his eyes flying open was the feel of someone drawing their finger down the sole of his foot where he was extremely ticklish. He started to lurch at the offender only to find his arms stayed firmly in their place above his head. He blinked, not quite comprehending what he was seeing.

It looked an awful lot like he was bound to his bed at the wrist by two very fuzzy very pink handcuffs. He was still staring at the damn things, trying to figure out if they really existed, when someone tickled his foot again. He tried to jerk his foot back only to discover it too was restrained, not by handcuffs but by…

“Holy fuck.”

A rather evil smile spread slow as molten lava up Bella’s cheeks. She was kneeling at the bottom of his bed, his foot in her hand, naked and glorious with her bedroom eyes and her hair wild around her. Edward groaned, trying to reach for her, remembering the damn fuzzy monstrosities belatedly. “Bella,” he said with a groan. “What are you doing?”

“You are a very smart man, Edward Cullen,” she said. She put his foot down, drawing the pad of a single finger over his toe.

Electricity shot from his heel right through the center of his being. Edward clenched his hands in fists. Bella just grinned wider. “I’m sure you can figure it out,” she said.

Her voice was low and raspy, the sultry sound of it sending shivers down his spine. She held his gaze, the look in her eyes downright wicked, as she bent down, pressing a kiss to his ankles. It was a gentle kiss. It might have been tender except for the way she looked at him--like she knew her touch set fire to the blood in his veins. She took her time, overlapping kisses as she began, ever so slowly, to kiss her way up his legs. Her hair tickled his skin.

It was an insanely effective means of foreplay. He was ready. Hell, two minutes in, and he was pretty sure he was going to embarrass himself. He was stuck in a vicious cycle. The look in her eyes would drive the breath from his body; the brush of her lips sent his every nerve ending into a state a frantic, heightened state; any thought that had managed to form went straight out of his head--he forgot his own name, let alone the fact he was bound and unable to touch her like he wanted.

“Bella,” the word was raw. He arched his back when she pressed the tip of her tongue to his knee. He moaned as she traced a slow, wet circle around his kneecap.

She rested her chin on his knee and smiled. “Yes, Edward?”

He ran his free foot up the back of her leg, nudging her ass as though he could push her up his body. “Tell me what you want,” he said, a little breathless.

She pushed onto her hands and knees and crawled over him. He could feel the heat of her body on his skin. He was coiled tight, tense with desire, waiting for the relief of her weight on top of him, but she didn’t let her flesh touch his. She ducked her head, hovering a fraction of an inch above his lips, but she didn’t kiss him. Instead, she tilted her head to the side so she could whisper near his ear. “I want you to beg.”

In the time it took his heart to start beating again, her glorious warmth was gone from him. He banged his head back against the pillow, swallowing a whimper as she resumed her licking.

His first impulse was to give in immediately. He would beg her. He wasn’t quite sure what for. God, he’d been imagining her lips wrapped around his cock, her silky hair draped over his thighs for weeks, but if she wanted wanted to ride him into the sunrise, well, he wasn’t going to argue with that either. But he did have some pride left, and he pressed his tongue to the roof of his mouth to keep from begging.

Or screaming. He bucked and gasped when she found a sensitive spot on his inner thigh. Begging or screaming...both were equally likely to happen at this point, but he’d be damned if he was going to give her the satisfaction so readily. She could--

“Jesus, god, Mary, and chocolate-covered Christ,” he blurted as she sucked lightly at a spot.

Bella raised her head, quirking an eyebrow. “Jesus and Christ are the same person, even if one of them is chocolate-covered.”

He laughed, but it was a strangled sound. “Untie me,” he said. His energy was all pent up, and he knew exactly how to spend it. The second he was free; he would pounce, and then they would see which one of them was begging.

Bella tilted her head and regarded him, resting her palm on his chest. “Hmmm. Nope. I don’t think I will.”

With that pronouncement, she drew her thumb over his taut nipple. He jumped, but she wasn’t done. No. She circled his areola with her thumb, and then let her circles fall in wider arcs downward.

“Bella,’ he said, his breath ragged.

“Yes?” Her voice was maddeningly calm. She traced a finger around his belly button, painfully close to where his cock rested against his stomach. Again he could feel the sensation of warmth and movement, but she drew back before she actually touched him.

“Oh, little girl. You’re going to rue the day.”

Her smile crawled up one side of her mouth. She said nothing at first, but she reached between his legs and rested the pads of each of her fingers directly on his balls. His whole body writhed, but she didn’t move. She didn’t bear down. She kept still, pinning him with her eyes. “Beg,” she said, and only then did she move her fingers. It was a tiny movement, just enough to give him a taste. It was good.

“Oh, fuck. More,” he said.

“What?” she asked, again flexing her fingers just a bit.

“God. Please. Please, more. I need…”

She cupped his balls, massaging. “Tell me what you need.”

“You. Please.”

Her grin was all teeth. “You’re so pretty when you beg.” She crawled over him again, this time letting their skin touch. He didn’t bother to stifle his moan when he could feel her slick folds against his cock. “You feel this?” she asked. “I’m so fucking wet for you.”

That did it. He was done. He raised legs, locking them around her. “Bella, I swear to God.”

His movement had thrown her off balance, and her whole weight was on him now. They were face to face, and could see the hectic flush of her cheek and that her eyes were dilated. She wanted him. He had no doubt about the fact she wanted him.

Straightening again, she took his cock in her hand. Still locked in his gaze, she lowered herself down on him, enveloping him in her heat.

The frustration of not being able to touch her, to run his hands up her body, to cup her breasts and roll her nipples between his fingers, added an intensity to what was happening here. Edward thought he had been out of his mind with lust before, but it was nothing compared to this. He rolled his hips to meet the rhythm she set, but otherwise, he could only devour her with look alone.

Abruptly, he understood what she’d been talking about on their first date. This was a woman aware of and comfortable with every aspect of her sexuality, and it was glorious. She shifted on him, and he could tell when she’d found that sweet spot. Her hands rested on his chest and she threw her head back with a cry. She moved so her feet were up by his armpits, balancing herself on her hands behind her. She rolled her hips in a kind of figure eight movement. The view alone, her pert tits bouncing, tantalizing and untouchable, would have been his undoing.

Then, he was the one babbling like an idiot. Nonsensical words. Oh. Yes. God, Bella, please.

They came together, and then she all but collapsed on top of him.

“Bella,” he said, still panting, blowing to try to get her hair out of his mouth.

She lifted her head, her hooded eyes finding his. “Hmm?”

“Fucking let me go.” He tugged at his bindings in emphasis.

She had the audacity to giggle. Giggle. Like a little school girl. Like she hadn’t just ridden him hard and good while he was tied up and helpless.

God, she was going to drive him out of his mind.

Her fingers trembled a bit, but she managed to hit the release on one then the other of the cuffs. The instant he was free, he wrapped his arms around her and rolled them so she was pinned beneath him. He grabbed her flailing wrists as she squeaked and pinned them on either side of her head. He looked down on her, still breathless. “That,” he began, his tone low and dangerous. She held her breath, biting her lip. “Was the motherfucking hottest thing I’ve ever seen.”

She giggled again. And she blushed.

Edward dipped his head and kissed until he couldn’t hold himself up anymore. Then, he rolled them onto their sides and tangled their legs together, not caring that they were both sticky and probably a little gross. He wasn’t in any mood to let her go anytime soon.

**~0~**

The next weekend, Edward went to Orange County to see Bella. She and Tanya were running trainings for their cooks and register staff. He went straight to the shop, and when he arrived, he lingered in the doorway.

Bella had chattered so much about what went into the design of the shop, Edward couldn't help but appreciate the small details she'd explained. He saw the eclectic photos hung about, uncommon perspectives on some of the world's most recognizable cities. They represented places Bella wanted to go but from the point of view of an insider. It was designed to invite the whimsical nature of adventure and yet the comfort of home.

When she was talking about it, he’d thought it was a somewhat odd concept,  but looking around, he could see how the design worked. It was a cozy place that gave him a feeling that he was in on a secret.

“Hey, buddy. We’re not open yet.”

Edward looked over to find a blond young man of college age coming toward him, already waving him off. Before he could say anything though, Bella appeared from the back room.

“James, he’s fine. He belongs to me.”

Edward snorted, but he raised his arms to draw her to him. “Own me, do you? Have you paid my mother’s asking price then?”

She looped her arms around his waist, looking up at him with a smirk. “Have to take you for a test run before I buy. Especially at the price she wants. I’m going to have to talk her down.”

“Good luck. My mother thinks I’m amazing.”

Bella hummed, tilting her head up. “I think you’re all right.”

He kissed her then, one hand cupping her cheek. It was a serious kind of kiss, lingering. The kind of kiss that had her melting boneless against him. Maybe she was joking, but her teasing was quickly becoming reality. If she didn’t own him now, body and soul, she would soon. But he could feel the inverse was true too. She was his. Neither one of them could fight it.

“Aww, would you look at that?”

Tanya’s voice brought Edward back, reminding him they had an audience. He broke the kiss, but he didn’t let go of Bella. She didn’t try to step away. She just angled her body so she could look at her friend and rested her head against Edward’s shoulder.

Said friend made a face. “Ah, there it is. I missed that face.”

“What face?” Edward asked, already amused.

“The face of a Bella who’s been getting it on the regular.” She wagged her finger at Bella. “Just remember we work before we play. You have to help me put these kids through their paces before you run off with pretty boy here.”

Bella shook her head but disentangled herself from Edward’s embrace. She pushed up on her tiptoes to kiss his nose. “Order something. You can be our first customer.”

“Such an honor.”

After he’d placed his order, patiently waiting for a stunning red-headed college kid named Victoria to ring him up, Edward sat back and waited for his girl to be finished.

He was amusing himself, watching James try to engage Victoria in conversation. Whatever he was saying, she just nodded occasionally, mostly concentrating on trying to perfect assembly of biodegradable to-go boxes. Once, though, she glanced up, offering James a patient smile.

“You are such a flirt,” he heard the young man say, and he had to stop himself from rolling his eyes.

He didn’t miss being a dumb college boy.

"Hey.  Thanks for waiting," Bella said, surprising him by straddling him right in his seat.

Edward got over his surprise quickly enough and wrapped his arms around her, catching her kiss.

“This is one of those rewarding moments in life,” Tanya said, sitting across the table from them.

Edward broke their kiss, looking over Bella's shoulder to fix Tanya with a mock-glare. "What are you talking about, Captain Cockblock?"

Bella, who hadn't bothered to turn around, stifled a laugh against his hair.  

"You better believe your cock is being blocked. We have to pass a health inspection." Tanya snickered. "Anyway, it's just that I have such a fond memory of the virginal Freshman she used to be. God, you should have seen the color she turned the first time I got my hands up her shirt."

Bella went rigid in his arms. Edward’s breath caught.

Tanya went on, oblivious. "Poor baby girl. She shook so bad that first time, and now look at her. You--"

Bella came back to herself all at once. "Tanya. Shut. Up," she said through clenched teeth. She made to turn around, but Edward grabbed her by the waist, keeping her facing forward.

He swallowed hard, still processing Tanya’s words. Bella finally looked at him, uncertainty and guilt written plainly on her features.  "What?" he said, because it was the only word he could get out.

"Oh, shit," Tanya said.

Bella bit her lip. "Um. Tanya and I were...together a long time ago."

Edward was only vaguely aware of one of the clerks, James he thought, saying, "Holy shit," in the background.

Tanya laughed,  the sound distinctly uncomfortable. "Look, Edward it's ancient history. You got nothing to--"

"I'll meet you at your place,” Edward said, getting up so quickly, Bella stumbled a few steps backward.

As he headed out the door, he heard Tanya yell at Bella, “Are you kidding me? You said you’d tell him.”

**~0~**

Edward was only alone in front of her place for a few minutes before Bella drove up. She wrapped her hands around her arms when she got out of her car, watching him as he got out of his. They stared at each other. She opened her mouth but closed it just as quickly and walked passed him in silence. He followed.

She huffed out a breath as she shut the front door. “Look, it really isn’t a big deal.”

Up to that point, Edward wasn’t sure how he felt. He’d been trying his hardest not to think, but with those words, he exploded. “It’s not a big deal? In whose universe is this not a big deal?”

Her eyes flashed. “Are you really pissed off that your girlfriend isn’t straight?”

He gaped at her. “Are you fucking kidding me? I don’t care if you’re bisexual. In fact, the reason this is a big deal is because I do respect that, and it makes her a threat.”

She had the decency to look sheepish, but her tone was still annoyed when she spoke. “There’s no threat.”

“Oh, give me a break, Bella. You live with your ex.”

“We were together for five minutes a million years ago when I was eighteen and didn’t know what the hell sex was all about, let alone what love was about. I haven’t touched her at all for almost eight years. We’re friends. That’s all.”

He crossed his arms, glaring at her. “Uh huh. And who did you say takes all your pictures for your site?”

She took a deep breath, as though preparing to answer, but she couldn’t. She pressed her lips together, and he figured it was because she knew there wasn’t a good argument. How would she like it, he wondered, if his ex-girlfriend took provocative photos of him every other week or so? The answer written on her face was she probably wouldn’t.

Bella’s shoulders slumped and she walked the few steps to sit down on the couch. “So what now?”

Some of his anger drained, and he sat on the couch next to her, leaving a cushion between them. “This was important, Bella. Why didn’t you tell me this?”

“After you made such a big deal last week about how you didn’t want to run into anyone who’s seen me naked?” She rubbed her hands over her knees in a restless gesture. “You just barely decided you could do this. I was going to tell you. It was just hard. It’s been a good week. A drama-free week.”

Edward didn’t like it, but he could understand that answer. He ran a hand over his eyes, thinking. “Will you tell me about your relationship?”

Bella raised her head. “Do you really--”

“No. I don’t really want to know.” He blew out a breath. “It’s a nice idea in theory to be friends with your ex, but I can’t say it’s enjoyable as your current. And I know this is one of those irrational things…”

Bella was already shaking her head. “It is, but this one is a lot more tangible. I get it. Obviously I get it or I would have told you right away. It really isn’t a big deal, but I wouldn’t like it in your shoes.”

She shifted so her back was against the arm of the couch and drew her legs up. “Do you remember me at all from high school?”

“Of course.”

“Then maybe you remember I was shy.”

At that, Edward’s lip turned up at one corner. He breathed out, taking a moment to miss the memory he’d held of her for so many years--innocent and beautiful. “Yeah, I remember that.”

She shrugged. “It’s like I said. I was a Freshman. Tanya was my roommate’s best friend’s roommate. Something like that. I had a crush. She knew it.” Another shrug. “She was good to me and patient. She made me feel like a goddess. Beautiful and powerful. It was the whole college self-discovery thing. I wouldn’t be as...confident as I am if it hadn’t been for her.”

Edward had to swallow down a knot in his throat. It was weird. If she’d told him that same story of Tanya, her friend, he would be nothing but appreciative that Bella had the woman in her life. Knowing she’d been her lover, though, brought too many images to his head.

“But we were never…I was never in love with her, Edward,” she said. “Not even close. I don’t even feel for her what I feel for you. I never did. It was an infatuation, and it was fleeting. We decided we were better as friends, and we have been. That’s all. She really isn’t a threat.”

Still he didn’t answer. He didn’t know what to say. No part of him wanted to walk away, but he also knew he didn’t like this newest development. At all.

After many long minutes of extremely uncomfortable silence, he grumbled, “I don’t know what to think. It would be one thing if you were friends with your ex, but you live with her. It would be one thing if you lived with her, but she sees you naked, in provocative poses, doing sexual things, all the time.”

Bella grimaced. “God, it sounds like crap when you say it like that. It’s business. It’s not sexy at all.”

“Semantics,” he said.

They were both quiet for another minute. “So what now?” she asked.

“I don’t know,” he said. “I really don’t know.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: SO! Uh. Um. Drama? Thanks to barburella and songster for this one.  
> Okay, I need to disappear in a cloud of homework and then I’m flying to Tampa. Sooo this will probably update in about two weeks. Ish. Maybe.


	10. Compromise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: So sorry for the wait. Let’s do it!

This was the conundrum.

In the hierarchy of hurtful things one person could do to another in a relationship, Bella’s lie of omission was low on the totem pole. How many dates was it before you were supposed to explain you’d slept with the person you lived with years ago? But they weren’t just dating. They were together, and that was another complication. They were moving too fast, so fast this whole thing felt like a much bigger betrayal than it was.

It shouldn’t have been so hard. He should cut his losses and get the hell out.

But what the hell kind of a bullshit thought was that? Only a child wished for a partner without baggage and complications. Yeah, so they hadn’t really had a honeymoon period. So what? All that happened in other relationships is they fell in love with idyllic versions of each other only to reveal their true selves one piece at a time. Bella had been very blunt and open with him about the biggest things he needed to know.

Edward rubbed a hand over his eyes, and then he growled, getting up. “I don’t want to think about it right now,” he said, extending a hand toward Bella.

She stared at it, obviously confused, but put her hand in his. He pulled her straight into a bruising kiss. Her cry of surprise vibrated against his lips, but she kissed him back, letting him walk her backward until he had her pinned up against the wall. She wound her arms around his neck, opening her mouth to him.

When he reached his hand between her legs and began to rub the heel of his palm against her, she pushed back with a startled yelp. Her face was flushed, her eyes wild and confused as she looked up at him. “I thought we were fighting.”

He pressed his body against hers, dominating and consuming her, both of his hands now propped on either side of her head. “You want me to fight with you right now?”

She shook her head, her eyes darting to his lips. “No,” she said, the word a whisper. “I want you.”

Edward could hear the painful uncertainty in her tone, and he wished he could comfort her, tell her that everything was going to be okay. But he was confused and pissed. All he really knew for certain was that he wanted her. He wanted her conversation, her talent, her ambition. He wanted her beauty, her kinks, and her inhibition. It should have been that fucking easy, but it wasn’t.

Taking her face between his hands, he kissed her, softer this time. “I want you too. Right now.”

He knew it wasn’t what she meant, and he could see the conflict on her face. Still, she nodded, pulling his head down to kiss her again.

Somehow, Edward managed to convince himself not to take her against the wall, though he wanted to do that too. He moved his kisses to the space just below her ear. “Is your roommate coming home any time soon?”

She gasped as he rained a trail of nips. “No. She said she’d give us as much space as we need.”

“Good.” With that, he pressed her against the wall again but only briefly. He kissed her lips, her neck, drawing out little squeaks and surprised squeals from her. He loved how noisy she was, the way he could always tell that she liked the way he touched her. He hooked his hands behind her knee and tugged. She got the idea and wrapped both her legs around his waist.

When he was sure his grip was firm, he walked with her down the hallway, stopping occasionally to pin her against the wall for another kiss. He was in no hurry. He wasn’t at all sure what he wanted, just that he wanted her. Every inch of her. He wanted to taste and touch her. He wanted to hear her sigh and scream his name.

He set about his work, moving slow enough to memorize every moment, but fast enough to outrun the bitter taste in the air. This was supposed to be their honeymoon period. It wasn’t supposed to be tinged with desperation as it was.

Kneeling on her bed, he set her down in the center, climbing over her, pressing her into the bedspread as he kissed her. Her heels dug into his back, her fingers tangling in his hair. Her kisses matched his in intensity. Edward was almost reluctant to pull away, but he had plans that required less clothes.

Sitting back on his haunches, he drew his hand up her leg, meeting her eyes as he unbuttoned her jeans. She was so beautiful, her cheeks flushed, and her eyes dark. She lifted her hips, letting him slide her jeans down.

Edward picked up her foot and pressed a kiss at her ankle. Then he licked a long line up her leg to her knee. Bella made the hottest little noise at the back of her throat. He kissed the back of her knee and then put his mouth over her, licking up the center of her panties. He blew hot hair against her skin, relishing the way he could make her squirm.

“Agh. Oh, hell. Edward.” Her fingers raked him, cutting into the skin of his shoulders. He straightened up again, his eyes on hers.

“Edward,” she said, sighing as he pulled her panties down her legs.

He realized then he was collecting the different ways she could say his name.

He lowered his head again and parted her lips to kiss her clit. She tugged on his hair. “Edward,” she said, begging.

He kissed his way up her body, lifting her up into a sitting position so he could take off her shirt and bra. “Edward,” she said, pleading now. Urgent.

He laid her back down, and she spread her legs to welcome him. He moved in her, fast and hard. “Edward. Edward. Edward,” she said in a climbing chant.

He reached between them, stroking her clit as she wrapped her legs tighter around him, urging him deeper. “Edward,” she said in a scream as her walls contracted around him.

For minutes, neither of them moved. He remained collapsed over her, limp inside her; somehow not ready yet to let this end. Her fingers shook as she smoothed his hair back.

“Edward?” Her voice was rough as gravel.

“Hm?”

For a few more seconds, she only panted. Then he heard her swallow hard. “Was that goodbye?”

Edward opened his eyes and rolled onto his side, propping himself up on one elbow and resting the other on her bare tummy. Her eyes were glassy and her lower lip trembled, but he could see she was trying very hard not to cry. “That’s not what I want,” he said, his heart breaking because he hated to see her so sad and unsure.

She sniffed. “But?”

He ran the tips of his fingers over her nose, her cheeks, her chin. He lingered at her lips, and she kissed him, still watching him with quiet anguish. “I don’t want to make an emotional decision,” he said.

She pressed her lips into a thin line, but he could see she was about to lose her battle over her tears. Sometimes, he forgot how vulnerable she could be. No one was self-assured all the time. “I’m sorry,” she said. “I know I should have told you.”

“Bella.” He lay on his back and brought her into the circle of his arms, hugging her tightly. She burrowed up against him, ducking her head into the crook of his shoulder. “It’s not about the lying. It’s just a lot, and I don’t know what to think.” He grimaced. “Again. I don’t want it to matter. I trust you, and I actually like Tanya.” He grunted. “Mostly. But it does matter, whether I want it to or not, it does.”

“Fucking feelings, right?” Bella said, raising her head and putting on a smile. “And semantics. Semantics will drive you nuts.”

Edward had to laugh. Then he sighed, brushing a thumb under her eyes to wipe away the tears that had gathered there. “That’s the thing about feelings. I have this feeling letting you go would be the biggest mistake of my life.”

“Then don’t let go.” She took his hands, twining their fingers together. “I know a good relationship takes compromise, and I want to. I just don’t know how.” She screwed up her face.

“What?” he asked.

“I don’t know if it would help.”

“But?”

Bella huffed. “Look, how about this. We’re doing a shoot here this Wednesday. I’ll leave the door open. If you think it might help, come see how we work. You’ll see it’s all business.”

He studied her, not sure how he felt about that. “I’ll think about it.”

**~0~**

“I’m sick of thinking about this.” Edward slumped forward on the table, his head in his arms. “I’m not trying to be melodramatic.”

His sister snickered. “Oh, little brother. You wouldn’t be you if you weren’t melodramatic.”

“Helpful, Alice.”

“How was the sex?”

“What?”

“You heard me.”

Edward narrowed his eyes at his sister.

Alice nodded and bent her head to the paper she’d been writing on. “Right. Stupid question. Sex with a porn star.”

“She’s not a… What are you doing, anyway?” Edward reached out and snatched the paper from under Alice’s pen. It was a pro/con. The pros and cons of staying with Bella. There were a lot of pros. Edward huffed. The only con was that she apparently had pisspoor taste in men. “I love you too, little sister.”

**~0~**

Edward didn’t know whether to feel more nervous or excited.

Wasn’t this supposed to be on every guy’s bucket list? To be on a porn shoot? Not only that, but he was pretty sure he could fuck the porn star afterward if he wanted. He didn’t care what Bella said about how businesslike it would be. She could be businesslike and hotter than hell.

The door was, as Bella promised, unlocked. Edward opened it as quietly as he could. He could hear Tanya talking. Something about the lights.

He found them in not in her bedroom but the living room. Bella’s desk had been moved to the center of the room, lit by large lights. Bella was perched on top of the desk, her hair pulled back into a severe bun. She was wearing a pantsuit with a tie. The jacket was open, and it was obvious she had nothing on underneath.

“Just hold tight. I’m going to move the right light again,” Tanya said.

Bella slumped and laid down, draped over the desk. “Dammit. You know those things are hotter than hell, right?”

Edward’s mouth had gone dry. The jacket had fallen to the side, giving him a great side-boob view. Oh, man. The nipple. That one perfect nipple pointing straight up, the jacket sliding off, revealing more.

“Not a bad eye, newbie,” a voice interrupted Edward’s lascivious thoughts.

Edward’s head snapped up, and he saw Tanya staring at his girlfriend thoughtfully. Despite himself, his blood boiled. Bella started to sit up, automatically pulling the jacket tighter around herself.

“No, wait,” Tanya said, reaching to pick up her camera again. “Let’s try a few poses like that.”

Bella’s eyes were on him, her gaze uncertain. Edward breathed in through his nose, horny and jealous and territorial all at once.

“Daylight’s burning, Bella. Or you are, anyway. We’re going to have to reapply your makeup soon. Come on, girl.”

Edward swallowed around the knot in his throat and made himself relax--count to ten and think about baseball. He leaned against the wall, indicating he wasn’t going to get in the way of their work.

Bella blew a breath out and then purposefully looked toward Tanya.

“Well, for fuck’s sake, Bella. Can we lose the pensive expression? That isn’t going to turn anyone on,” Tanya said.

Bella rolled her eyes, but when she focused again on the camera, she had her game face on. And what a gorgeous game face it was. Edward readjusted himself as he leaned against the wall. Her grin was predatory, her eyes beckoning. She was kicking ass and taking names, and damn, she looked hot doing it. She was pure Ramona.

Ramona only came out for seconds at a time. The sexiness was constantly interrupted. Tanya would reposition her, tell her the light was hitting her nipples funny. She would tell her an angle was wrong, or she would just have her move into a different position.

Watching her work, watching more and more of the pantsuit find it’s way off her, Edward wanted nothing more than to pin her against the nearest surface and bury his cock deep inside her. Tanya hardly noticed. She spent full minutes flipping through her pictures while Bella was right in front of her, nude and hot.

She wasn’t fazed.

“I think we’re good, Bella,” Tanya said. She held her camera in one hand while she groped with the other for the robe that was draped across a nearby chair. She tossed it at Bella without looking. “It’s a good shoot. I’ll let you know if we need to reshoot anything, but I doubt it. There’s plenty to work with here.”

Bella cleared her throat, her eyes darting between Tanya and Edward, that unsure look back on her face. “Good,” she said, pulling on her robe. “Thanks.”

When she stepped up to him, Edward couldn’t help himself. He pulled her to him and kissed her. Hard. It was a caveman move, and they all knew it. He heard Tanya’s soft snort. But dammit, he was the current boyfriend, Tanya was the ex-girlfriend, and his girlfriend was fucking hot.

Edward broke the kiss and looked at Bella. The last hour, he’d been dying to do one thing. Well, more than one thing, but one thing he could do in front of Tanya. He reached up and released her hair from its tight bun, watching it tumble down to her shoulders. She smiled, laughing at him a little bit.

“Sorry,” he said. “You, uh… That was good. I mean, you look good. It was...yeah. Good.”

Bella raised up on the balls of her feet to kiss him once more. “I’m going to wipe all this crap off,” she said, gesturing to her face.

He watched her go, realizing that he’d caught another glimpse of the shy girl he’d known in high school.

“Hey, stud.”

Edward grimaced and turned back to Tanya. He raised an eyebrow.

Tanya offered him a smile that was mostly apologetic with only a little smirk. “I wanted to tell you I was sorry. For last week.”

“You mean what you said?” Edward shrugged, crossing his arms. “Bella should have told me before you did.”

“Well, that much is true.” Tanya put her camera down and turned to face him. “But what I said was obnoxious. I didn’t mean anything by it. I forget you’re, uh…”

“I’m what?” Edward asked, irritation spiking.

“Hey, put the bitch brow away, ace. I know you’ve gone all territorial, and I get that, but try to hear me out.”

Edward gestured that she should get on with it.

“It’s a social circle thing,” Tanya said, her tone and expression completely serious. “You’ve got the norm, which is people like you. And the norm has these rules, which is why you’re struggling so much with Bella even though you and I both know you’re crazy about her. The norm puts a crazy amount of importance on sex.” She rolled her eyes. “The bullshit I’ve seen otherwise rational people pull around anyone who’s touched their significant other is insane, but I digress.

“The thing is, the group I run in is much more blase about sex. Seriously. It’s just sex. It’s fun. It gets the blood pumping. Yeah, it can mean a lot more when you have it with someone you love or even with someone you just care about, but it’s also just sex. It’s not a big deal to me. That’s the advantage of having to come to the conclusion that you don’t belong in the norm--you find your own norm. In our group, we know gender-fluid people, pansexual people, asexual people. Sex isn’t a big deal to us. I’ve slept with some of them, and everyone is cool with it. It’s what I’m used to. I’m used to being able to kid the people I hang out with about it. So when Bella said she told you and you were okay, I thought it was okay.”

Edward’s lip twitched, thoughts running through his head that he really didn’t want there.

Tanya laughed. “Relax. I see those wheels turning. Bella isn’t in the norm either, but she’s not as blase about sex as a lot of us. Not that she’s a nun, but you already knew that. With her, it just means she’s comfortable with our group of friends.” She gave him a playful punch to his shoulder. “She likes the serious sex. Specifically, she seriously likes having sex with you. No one has ever made her as happy as she was when you decided you could deal with the non-norm.”

“Well, thank you for the vote of confidence,” Edward said, not entirely exasperated.

“What’s going on here?” Bella asked, appearing from the hallway and looking between them.

Edward blew out a breath, releasing some of his frustration. “Tanya was just…”

“Being my charming self,” Tanya said. “Okay, kids. You have fun. I’m going to take my laptop over to Carmen’s for a while.”

When she was gone, the air between Edward and Bella grew heavy. They were both closed off, arms crossed, defensive.

Finally, Bella glared, making a small growling noise. “You know what, please don’t torture me. If you’re going to break up with me--”

“I don’t want to do that.”

“You keep saying that.”

“I mean it.”

“But?”

“God.” Edward rubbed the back of his neck. With a grunt, he reached out to take her hand. “Come here.”

She let him lead her to the couch and they sat down. He played with her fingers. “It’s just a lot,” he said when words escaped him.

“You’ve said that before.”

“Okay, look. I realize what I’m about to say is completely unfair. I know that, okay?”

“Fuck,” Bella said under her breath, but she didn’t interrupt him.

Edward exhaled in a gust. “Bella, I can’t handle all of it. The job. The fact she’s your photographer. The fact she’s your roommate, who you go home to every night? And you spend so much time with her at the restaurant. I can handle some of it but not all of it.”

“What are you saying?”

“I’m saying…” Edward had to swallow hard. This was so ridiculous. “If there’s any way you could drop one. Just one.”

“One? You mean my restaurant, my photographer, or my home?”

Edward closed his eyes. “I know it’s a lot to ask.”

“You think?” She drew her hands back and sat cross legged on the couch facing him. She was pissed, but she was something else too. Thoughtful, perhaps.

“I said I know it’s unfair. It is. It’s not fair. This is all tangled up and crazy. Too serious, too quick, remember? And I don’t know which way is up with you. I know it’s a crazy thing to ask for. I know that, but I want this to work. I--”

“I’ll do it.”

“I. What?”

Bella laughed, a slightly maniacal sound, and she buried her head in her hands for a brief moment. “I heard what Tanya said to you,” she said, raising her head again. “About how our social group isn’t part of the norm. The thing about that is, it was hard. Figuring out I wasn’t the norm. Figuring out that I'm bisexual, I mean. I thought I was an open-minded and accepting person, and I am. But it’s easy to say that. Being comfortable with it, and being comfortable that it’s a part of me--that was hard. It’s really fucking hard to figure yourself when you don’t have a set narrative like you straight people.”

“Damn straight people,” he muttered. “Makes me wish I’d had a gay moment in college.”

When she laughed this time, it was genuine, and the tension between them broke. Bella surprised him by flying at him. She straddled him, wrapping her arms around his neck, and he saw there were tears in her eyes, though they were just an excess of emotion. She wasn’t crying. “Getting used to a new reality fucking sucks. It’s crazy.” She blew out a breath. “So yeah, asking me to give up something as important as my home is kind of par for the course.”

She gestured around them. “It’s an apartment. People get new apartments all the time. It’s...not as big of a deal as other things. It would take some time to figure something out, but I’m willing to do it.”

Edward raised his eyebrows. “Really?”

“Yeah.” She lowered her head to kiss him. “I’m fucking crazy about you Cullen. I can work with this.”

“You are crazy,” he said. Then he laughed and pinned her beneath him on the couch, kissing her until their laughter turned to groans.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Many thanks to barburella, songster, and myonlyheroinn. I love you guys.  
> And I love YOU guys. I just got done with my first final. I should have a little more time soon. Thanks for your patience.


	11. Moving Day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Omg, we’re back. Thanks for your patience, kids!

It took Bella two months to get her ducks in a row, and by that time, Edward was beginning to wonder if he’d overreacted. He’d spent a lot of time with Tanya and Bella now. He knew there was nothing romantic between them, knew it both consciously and subconsciously now.  He knew it well enough that when he saw Tanya touch Bella, friendly touches, he didn’t think twice.

He still thought once about it though, and that’s what stopped him from calling the whole thing off. But because he knew she was making a huge sacrifice for him, Edward went out of his way to make the move easier.

To that end, Edward enlisted the help of his older brother. Emmett worked for an airline in Tennessee, and he could get last minute tickets at inexpensive rates. As a result, he didn’t think it was a big deal to hop on a plane to come see his siblings. It didn’t take much to get him to come help with the move, especially given that it meant he was finally going to meet his little brother’s new girlfriend.

“It’s not like you’ve never seen her before in your life,” Edward said as they drove to Orange County. “You lived in Forks too.”

“Pssshhh.” Emmett waved a hand at him. “I was already a grown up. I didn’t pay any attention to you high school kiddos. I remember Chief Swan because he had me arrested for underage drinking twice. You remember that?”

“Of course I remember that. I couldn’t believe you finally found something that made Dad lose his shit. The three of us pulled a lot of crap in our childhood, and he was cool as a cucumber but you--you almost broke him.”

“Ah, I did. I really did.” Emmett chuckled. “Hey, I got my act together.”

“At least they always had me and Alice.”

Emmett punched Edward’s arm. “And now look at you. Mom and Dad don’t have to go through with the grand gesture they had planned to let you know it’s okay if you’re gay.”

“Bella isn’t the only girlfriend I’ve had.”

“No, but she’s the first one that isn’t an obvious beard.”

“I’m already regretting asking you for help.”

“I know, right? It’s like you haven’t known me for twenty-seven years.”

~0~

“Please. When am I going to have this chance again? I’ve got all these burly men around.”

Emmett looked over his shoulder at Edward and then back at Bella. “You’re talking about me and Jasper, right? It must be difficult having this as a boyfriend.” He slung his arm over Edward’s shoulders. “See, bro. It’s a bad idea to let her know there are real men out there.”

“Hey, Buffy.” Bella tapped Emmett on the shoulders. “Try to concentrate. Less making fun of my boyfriend and more answering my question.” She stretched out on the couch, currently on the lawn outside her new apartment. She pointed toward the open door. “Come on, please?”

Edward crossed his arms and grinned at his brother. “I’ll let you real men handle this,” he said, picking up a box and carrying it inside the apartment as his brothers carried the couch--and Bella--in behind him.

Bella didn’t own all that much stuff. They were able to get her all moved in and relatively settled within the day.

“You guys are my favorites,” Bella said. “And my favorites get the good stuff.”

“Look at that. Pizza and wings,” Emmett said, vaulting the couch to sit down.

“And…”

“Cookie pizza. Score,” Jasper said, plopping down next to Emmett. “This almost makes moving worth it.”

“Really?” Alice asked.

“No.” Emmett, Jasper, and Edward said at the same time.

Bella grinned. “Well, anyway. Thanks, guys. Tanya and the others would have turned that into an all weekend debacle if they showed up at all.”

Edward looped an arm around Bella’s waist and drew Bella down onto his lap. “We’re just going to add that to the Edward is a better boyfriend than Tanya list.”

She twisted her head to look at him. “Who’s keeping track?”

“I am.”

“Ah.” She kissed the tip of his nose. “You want pepperoni, olives, and mushrooms, or canadian bacon, regular bacon, and pineapple?”

“Pepperoni.”

“Ah, see. That’s a point in Tanya’s column. Who doesn’t go for the bacon?”

“Are they always like this?” Emmett asked, looking at Jasper.

“They have two modes. They’re either cute as buttons or circling each other with machetes drawn.”

Bella pointed to herself. “Always cute as a button.”

“Who can argue with that?” Emmett nodded at Edward. “What are you doing with my kid brother, anyway?”

“Oh, Emmett.” Bella licked Edward’s cheek, wrapping her arms around his neck. “You don’t want to ask that question.”

“Man, don’t make me nauseous when there’s a pizza feast in front of me.” Emmett took a huge bite. “Anyway. Check this out.” He picked up the remote control to the TV. “I hooked up all your systems.”

“Obviously the most important part of any move,” Edward said, taking the plate that Bella offered him.

They settled down to inhaling their pizza. At some point, after Bella offered him a bite of her bacon pizza to prove how superior it was to the pepperoni, Edward caught his brother staring. He looked amused. Edward quirked his eyebrow in question, and his brother tilted his head in a mocking gesture. Edward belatedly realized it hadn’t been that long ago he’d teased his big brother and his wife Rosalie for being a disgustingly handsy couple, and here he was eating his dinner with his girlfriend in his lap.

Edward was distracted from that line of thought when Bella bent her head, nuzzling her nose at his neck. “Mmmm.”

The vibration of her hum sent a shiver down his spine. “What are you doing, baby?” he murmured so only she could hear.

“You smell amazing.”

He laughed. “Honey, we’ve been moving all your crap all day. I’m sweaty and disgusting.”

“Hey, eau de sweaty man does something for me. It’s primal or something.”

Edward shivered again. “Should I throw all these people out of your place?”

“This is so sad. Don’t change the channel, Emmett,” Alice said.

Reluctantly, Edward stopped himself from making out with his girlfriend. He looked with the rest of them over to the news report on the TV.

A young woman had been found, beaten, raped, and murdered a few days before. She had been identified as a twenty-year-old prostitute.

Emmett, who didn’t know how Bella paid her bills, huffed. “That’s sad, man, but not exactly unexpected, huh?”

Edward felt Bella stiffen in his arms.

“What do you mean?” Alice said, oblivious to the shift in the atmosphere.

“Just that they put themselves out there with all the crazy, you know?” Emmett shrugged, serving himself another wing. “It sucks, but it’s not a surprise.”

Edward rubbed Bella’s back, but she shrugged him off. “So what, it doesn’t matter?”

“Didn’t say that,” Emmett said, still cheerful. “I’m just saying, murder is inevitable, right?  No such thing as a perfect society.”

“Emmett,” Edward tried, but his brother wasn’t listening.

“So if murder, rape, all that is inevitable, pick a job where all that is less likely.”

Edward winced. He wasn’t even remotely surprised when Bella got up and walked out of the room. “Fuck,” he said under his breath when she was out of earshot.

Emmett blinked, confused. “Dude. Is she mad?”

“Yeah, just...don’t worry about it,” Edward said, pushing himself to his feet and heading after her.

Bella was storming around her room, unpacking boxes with much more ferocity than was necessary. Edward watched her for a minute, but she didn’t acknowledge his presence.

“You can’t be mad at him. He doesn’t know.”

It was the wrong thing to say. She turned to glare at him with a look so fierce, he shivered, chilled to the bone. “You think I’m angry because he doesn’t know not to speak his mind because of what I do?”

In hindsight, he could see clearly that it had been the wrong thing to say, and he could have kicked himself. “Bella, he’s like everyone else. He just hasn’t taken the time to think about what he’s saying. He doesn’t think about social injustices unless they’re biting him on the ass. He just doesn’t. He’s the culmination of our culture and our society, just like you and I are. We fight it. He doesn’t.”

“Oh, was that what you were doing, sitting there, not saying a word? That was you fighting it?”

Edward ran a hand over his eyes. “What do you want me to say to him? He’s not going to understand. He’s not going to get that he shouldn’t have said those things about that girl. The way he sees the world makes sense to him.”

“And what he said makes sense to you.”

“You know what? Yeah. Yes, it does.” Irritated, Edward picked a fight he knew damn well he shouldn’t. “You know what I think every time I hear a news story like that? I’m terrified next time it’ll be you. Every time.”

She stared at him. “You think he’s right? That I’m opening myself up to something like that?”

“Oh, give me a break, Bella. There’s the way the world should be and the way the world actually works.” He began to pace the room, running a hand through his hair. “The way the world should be is that all porn should be like yours--empowering. You’re strong and gorgeous and sexy. That should be celebrated, okay?

“But the way the world actually is, a lot of porn is degrading, and a lot of it isn’t only disrespectful toward women, it’s downright violent.”

“You think you’re telling me something I don’t know?”

“What I’m telling you is that I’m like any other person out there. I’ve seen a lot of that porn. A lot. And you know what? I fucking liked it.” He shook his head hard. Since he’d been with Bella, it had struck him often how ashamed he was, and right then, he needed her to understand. “The women I’ve been with...Fuck, Bella, you know I’d die before I treated a woman like that. I know the difference between fantasy and reality. But at the same time, I did...enjoy those fantasies. I got off on that shit. When the women were nameless bodies, I got off to it.” He took her by the arms, giving her a little shake. “Don’t you get it? To other guys, to the people who’ve seen you, you’re one of the nameless women.”

Her eyes searched his, as though she wasn’t sure at first how to react, but then they hardened. “So that’s what you think? You think if something happens to me, it’ll be because I was asking for it. So what? If you ran into the woman, the real live woman, who made the degrading porn, what would you do? Would you beat the shit out of them?”

“No. I wouldn’t,” he said, his voice as hard as her glare. “But you know damn well that a lot of guys out there would.”

“So one of those guys finds me and beats me and rapes me, that’s not because he’s an asshole. It’s because I chose to do this.”

“That’s not what I said.”

“That is what you’re saying.” She yanked out of his grip and moved away from him. “For fuck’s sake, Edward. You’re supposed to be a feminist. This is rape culture 101. You’ve reblogged shit like this. It shouldn’t matter if I’m running around naked, waving my tits in every guy’s face. I don’t deserve to be raped. That girl didn’t deserve to be raped and murdered. You’re not supposed to tell me it’s because of what either of us chose to do to make a living or what we were wearing or weren’t wearing. You’re supposed to say the motherfucker who did that was an asshole. Period. End of sentence.”

“Reblogging a fucking Tumblr post and living it are two different things.”

Bella pressed her lips into a thin line, and her eyes went glassy. All Edward’s irritation drained away, and his heart twisted. He felt low as a cockroach realizing he’d made her cry. He took a step toward her, but she twisted away.

“I think you should go home now. Thanks for your help.”

“Bella--”

“Please tell Emmett it was nice to meet him. If I don’t see him before he has to leave tomorrow, tell him to have a good flight.” She grabbed a small box off the dresser and disappeared into the bathroom, slamming the door behind her.

“Fuck.” Edward rubbed the back of his head, trying to figure out what to do.

After a minute, he headed back out to the living room. His siblings were studiously staring forward at the television, the room awkwardly silent. Emmett chanced a glance in his direction, and when he saw Edward was alone, he looked relieved. Contrite but relieved. “Dude, I didn’t mean to start anything.”

Edward grunted, but he sat down in the same chair he had been just twenty minutes before. “It’s a long story, Em.” He rubbed his hands together, still considering his options. “You think you guys can do me a favor? Go home.” His lips quirked downward. “I’m sure I’ll be right behind you.”

“Damn, man. What did-”

“Emmett, come on.” Jasper stood up and clapped Emmett on the shoulder. “I’ll fill you in on the way home.” He looked up for permission, and Edward nodded. He hadn’t had any intention of keeping it a secret from his brother longterm anyway.

In another few minutes, Jasper, Alice, and Emmett were gone. Edward picked up the pizza mess as he tried to figure out what he was going to say.

“I thought I asked you to leave.”

Edward turned around to find Bella staring at him. Her arms were crossed over her chest, her expression and voice much more tired than furious. He had to swallow down the lump in his throat. She looked, more than anything, vulnerable right then, and he wondered just how badly he’d wounded her.

“You did ask me to leave,” Edward said, taking a careful step toward her. “But I don’t think I will. This is your first night alone in your new apartment. I thought maybe you’d want some company.”

At that, her eyes sparked and narrowed. “Well, you think wrong. I don’t want your company right now.”

But despite her words, as he took another step and then a third toward her, she didn’t move. When he took her hand, she didn’t protest. Edward led her into the living room and tugged her down beside him on the couch. Angling his body toward her, he took both her hands in his.

“I’m sorry,” he said and kissed her fingertips. “It was a stupid thing to say, and I shouldn’t have said it. I know better than to say that shit out loud even if I do think it sometimes. You were right. It doesn’t matter. Nothing that girl did justifies her being hurt that way.” He squeezed her hands. “But honey, I’m half-right too.”

She made to pull away from him, but he held her fast. “Bella, listen. I love you.”

Her eyes went wide, and she stopped trying to tug her hands out of his grip. Edward swallowed hard and spoke again, his voice soft. “I love you, and I’m terrified for you. The world is what it is, and I want it to change. I want it to change as much as you do, but until it does, I can’t help being scared for you. I love you, and it makes me say things without thinking sometimes.”

She stared at him, her lips working, as though she wanted to say too many things. Finally, she chuffed and threw her arms around his neck, squeezing tightly. Edward, taken aback, wrapped his arms around her. He closed his eyes, just relieved to be holding her again.

“God damn you, Edward Cullen,” she muttered, her voice shaky. “You’re not supposed to say that for the first time in the middle of something like this.”

He laughed, rubbing her back. “I told you. It makes me say stupid things or at least, it makes me say the right things at stupid times.”

“And what you said before was still a stupid thing to say. Most rapes are committed by someone the victim knows. And most murders are too, so it doesn’t even make rational sense.”

He smiled and pulled back, taking her face in his hands. “I know that.” He sighed and kissed her, a soft kiss, testing the waters. “I do love you, Bella. I love you so much it makes me crazy sometimes.”

Her lips curved up though he could tell she tried to fight it. When he kissed her again, though, she melted into him, kissing him back. Then she kissed him once. Twice. She giggled and kissed him again. That kiss turned slow and serious. Her finger traced his hairline at the back of his neck.

After a blissful few minutes of this, she pulled back with a sigh and stroked his cheek, looking on him with adoring but heavy eyes. “I love you too. That’s why it hurts so much worse when you say things like that.”

He pressed her hand against his cheek and then brought it to his lips, kissing her palm. “I know. I shouldn’t have said. And I shouldn’t have let Emmett say it either.”

Bella grimaced. “Fuck, I made a bad impression on your brother, didn’t I?”

“With Emmett?” Edward traced his fingers along her spine, his eyes on her lips. “Don’t worry about that. We’ll go to LA tomorrow, and he won’t even mention it. Em’s great that way. Everything just rolls right off his back. Plus you got him pizza and wings. He’ll officially love you forever.”

“We’ll go to LA, huh?” Bella said, her eyes glinting with mischief. “Are you inviting yourself to stay the night, Edward Cullen?”

He hummed, letting his fingers skim down to her thigh. He kissed her cheek. “Well, we have this apartment to christen.” He ducked her head and sucked a little bit at her neck. “And I heard you had a thing for filthy, sweaty men.”

“Filthy, sweaty you.” She moved to straddle him in one smooth motion. “It’s a sickness,” she said, and, taking his face between her hands, she kissed him.

Edward reached between them as he kissed her back, working to get her out of her pants as quickly as possible. He did love her, this strong, passionate woman. Ups and downs, heavy moments and times like these, when he was about as giddy as a schoolboy, he loved her.

“Edward,” she said, between kisses. Her breath fell hot on his lips. “I love you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Many thanks to myonlyheroin, barburella (who will have you know that she is NOT a bacon slut), and songster.  
> SO. How you doing, kids?


	12. Happy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Hello, lovelies. Okay, so, Long Distance peeps… I’m ⅔ done with the chapter, but it takes concentration I don’t have right now. I have half a day off work tomorrow so I’m hoping to get ‘er done. Thanks for your patience.  
> Now onto THIS fic!

Edward stayed over the night before the opening of Bella and Tanya’s restaurant. Typically, he didn’t acknowledge four in the morning existed unless he hadn’t gone to bed yet, but he’d make an exception for his wanton witch.

Of course, he didn’t have to make it easy.

“Edward. You have to let me go.”

“Uh-uh,” Edward mumbled, burying his nose in her hair at the back of her head and tightening his arms around her. “Don’t wanna.”

She reached behind her, tickling his sides. Edward chortled but held on stubbornly. That ended predictably with them rolling and writhing until they were both hot and bothered. When that situation resolved itself some twenty minutes later, they lay in bed beside each other, panting and sticky.

Bella groaned. “Okay. Now I have to shower.”

“Hold on,” Edward said, stretching as he got to his feet. “I’ll come with you.”

“Uh, stud. Not that your prowess isn’t impressive, but I have a restaurant to open.”

He slung an arm around her waist and pulled her onto his lap. “I meant to get clean, not dirtier. We don’t have time to take separate showers.”

Bella twisted a bit to look at him. He had to laugh because she looked so shocked. “I told you I wanted to help,” he said.

“Well, yeah, but you can come later. There’s no need for you to be there so early.”

He kissed her cheek. “Oh, no. I’m coming with you. I want to be there.”

Her eyebrows shot up. “All day?”

“Yeah, of course.” He tightened his arms around her. “You’re going to be there all day, and I want to be there for you.”

She took his face between her hands, her eyes intense on his. She stroked her thumbs along his cheek bones and up under his eyes. She kissed him and kissed him again.

~0~

“Jesus Christ, Bella. Are you trying to kill me? You’re late.” Tanya put a towel in her hand. “Clean something. And you.” Tanya pointed her finger in Edward’s face. “I swear to God if I find you two in the supply closet…”

Edward held his hands up in a placating gesture. “Put me to work, Tanya.”

She glared at him for another second before she relented. “Can you please inventory the fridge? I know we did it three times yesterday, but--”

“I’m on it.”

He knew Tanya was just nervous. There had been a number of setbacks not the least of which was the majority of the staff abandoning them as opening day was pushed back. No one could blame them--if they couldn’t work, they couldn’t get paid. James was the only one who remained of the original staff.

Too bad, Edward had thought privately. James irritated the ever-loving fuck out of him. The man thought he was a stud when he really didn’t have much to offer. On top of that, he was woefully ignorant and tactless to boot.

“Hey, man,” James said when they were alone in the back, sorting dishes for the expected lunch time rush.

“Hey,” Edward said.

“So... your woman’s bi, huh?”

Edward’s defenses prickled, but he kept his tone steady when he answered. “Your boss is bi, yes.”

“Man.” James huffed and shook his head. “That’s not something I would put up with in my woman. That kind of crap.”

Edward stopped what he was doing to stare at the other man. “That kind of crap?”

“Bisexuals,” he said in a tone that suggested he thought they were bros. “It’s like...shit or get off the pot, right? Be gay or be straight. Shit or get off the pot, for fuck’s sake. It’s a dick move, if you ask me. They just want to have their cake and eat it too.”

Edward counted to ten and reminded himself why this kind of thinking was common. “She’s not gay and she’s not straight. She’s bi. It’s a normal part of the spectrum, and if you want to know the truth, it gets a lot more complicated than that.” He shrugged and got back to taking down stacks of dishes and setting them on James’s cart.

“Come on. You think she doesn’t cheat on you?”

“Why? Because she’s bi?”

“If she likes both and you’re not a woman…”

“Man. We don’t have time to unwind how fucked up your logic is.”

“You know what I think? I think a woman thinks she’s bi just hasn’t been fucked right. You do it right, she’s going to forget all about girls.”

Edward slammed his fist down on the counter, making the dishes rattle. “Hey. You are so far out of line right now I don’t know whether to punch you or fire you.”

James raised his hands, looking amused. “Didn’t mean to step on your toes. You think you’re satisfying your woman, more power to you.”

Edward clenched his jaw. “The woman you’re talking about is your boss, and this isn’t an appropriate conversation for the workplace. Now it’s a busy day, and I’m not going to leave Bella shorthanded because you’re a fucking idiot.” He took a deep breath. “I remember being your age and stupid, so you get one chance. I hear you talking like that about Bella or anyone else, it’s your ass, get it?”

“Hey, man. Whatever.” James took his cart of dishes and headed for the front.

~0~

Many, many hours later, the front door was locked, and the nighttime staff was finishing the clean up. When that was done, Tanya and Bella sent their staff home with profuse thanks and then turned to each other. They both squealed in that way only excited women could and hugged, both of them bouncing as though they were little children. When Tanya released her, Bella turned to Edward, and he swooped her up into his arms, spinning her around

“Proud of you, baby,” he said, setting her down and kissing her neck. He gathered her closer, tucking her against his side, but he looked at Tanya with a smile. “I’m proud of both of you. This place seems like a hit.”

“We got through the day with relatively few disasters,” Bella said.

“Relatively.” Tanya frowned.

“So you couldn’t make any smoothies that included bananas. It’s a minor detail,” Edward said, reaching over to clap Tanya on the shoulder. “No one cared that much.”

“Yeah, yeah.” She looked at Bella. “You tell him about Sunday?”

“Sunday?” Edward asked.

Bella looked up at him with sleepy eyes. “Tanya is insane. Instead of understanding that she’s going to want to sleep all day Sunday, when we’re closed, she wants to throw a private party.” She yawned. “Alice and Jasper are invited too.”

“Sounds like a good time. Can I bring meat?”

Bella smacked his chest, and he chuckled, leaning in to kiss her hair.

“Okay then. I’m going home. All alone. To my empty bed,” Tanya said, fetching her purse from the tiny office and handing Bella hers. “You two have fun.”

Edward drove to Bella’s place and they walked, hand in hand, to the door. Inside, he tugged her to him and kissed her like he’d wanted to all day. It was hard to be so close to her and not kiss her--not that she wouldn’t have welcomed it, but they’d both been so busy.

He hadn’t meant it to be such a thorough kiss, but the woman was addicting. Would he ever get enough of the little sighs she muffled against his lips? He loved the feel of her against him and the way her hands moved, sending shivers down his spine.

When he moved to kiss her chin and the side of her mouth, she looped her arms around his neck. “Edward?”

“Hmm?” he asked, sleepy and distracted by the taste of her skin.

“You’re not actually up for this, are you? We smell like tempeh and chickpeas. And I think my feet are actually going to fall off.”

He chuckled and ducked his head to skim his nose along her neck. “You smell delicious.” He straightened up and nipped at her lips. “No, of course I’m not up for this. I’m not built to stand on my feet all day. For god’s sake, woman. I have an office job for a reason.”

They both laughed. She tugged at his shirt, helping him take it off. “Yeah, it’s going to kick my ass for a while.”

He unbuttoned her jeans and helped her balance while she slipped them off. “You can’t keep at this pace forever.”

“I know. Tanya and I figure we’ll both come in until we’re sure things are running smoothly -- hopefully a week or so. Then she’ll take the morning shift, and I’ll take the evening or vice versa. We’ll overlap in the middle.” Bella scratched her fingers through his hair as he unbuttoned her shirt. “Then hopefully we’ll start to trust one of those college kids enough to make them a manager, and we’ll have a little breathing room.”

“Oh, the fresh-faced college kids.” Edward handed her pajamas over and stripped down to his boxers. “Amber seems competent. And Mary. Benjamin maybe too. But not James.”

“He has his strong points. As a potential leader, anyway.”

Edward grunted, pulling her down into bed with him. “Well, it’s too early to know, I suppose.”

Bella yawned, snuggling up against him. Just as quickly, she gasped and pulled back. “Edward. Don’t you work tomorrow?”

He’d taken the day off to be with her, but only the one. “Yeah.” He kissed the tip of her nose. “Don’t worry about me, Bella. I’m going to wake up at some ungodly time in the morning, and I’ll be out of the house before you wake up.”

Bella tsked, caressing his face. “You’re too good to me sometimes.” She kissed him. “You know what they say about karma, Cullen. It’ll come back to you..”

~0~

Edward usually left to go see Bella directly from work on Friday evenings, but that night, she asked him to bring a bag she’d left at his apartment. Edward jaunted up the stairs and stopped short when the door opened a crack before he touched it. He balled his fists at his side, but then he saw two familiar eyes peering out.

“Bella,” he said in relieved admonishment. Then, when he pushed the door all the way open, “Bella,” he said, his voice low and gravelly.

His girlfriend stood in his entryway in a pleated skirt, knee high socks, and mary-janes. Her hair was up in a ponytail, her face devoid of all but the simplest makeup. Such a pretty little schoolgirl, Edward stepped inside the doorway and slammed the door shut before anyone could see her and get the wrong idea.

For a few seconds, he could only gape at her. “I hope you’re not wearing that to the party,” he said when he could speak again. He winced. It wasn’t what he’d wanted to say.

Bella’s lip quirked. “The party that’s on Sunday, two days from today?” She stood on her tiptoes, looping her arms around his neck, and kissed him. “No. This is for you.”

“I require a costume?” He found the soft skin of her upper thigh and had to stop his eyes from rolling back in his head. “What if I don’t have a schoolgirl fetish?”

“Everyone has a schoolgirl fetish.” She hitched her left leg up at his waist and pulled him with her as she leaned back against the wall.

Edward pressed his body against hers, hiking up her skirt as he kissed her with gusto. “Oh, god.” He pulled back enough that he could look her in the eyes. “Are you not wearing any underwear?”

She waggled her eyebrows at him, grinning devilishly. “Turns out everyone also has a naughty schoolgirl fantasy.”

“Well, if I didn’t, I do now. Christ.” Edward attacked her neck, nipping and kissing until she squeaked with feel of it, her fingers pressing into his back. “Is this what you meant when you said it would come back to me?”

Bella hummed, running her hands up and down his sides and around to his ass. “I’ve been an inattentive girlfriend this week, and you’ve been good to me.” She pulled his head up so she could nuzzle his nose with hers. “I love you, and I like making you happy.”

“Ah, witch.” He took her face in his hands and kissed her more slowly then--hot, long kisses that drew out tiny whimpers. “I’m very, very happy.”

“Right now?” she asked.

“With you,” he answered, and then he tossed her over his shoulder and took her to his room. There, he laid her down on the bed and got inside her as quickly as he could manage. He fucked her with her legs in the air, her knee high socks and mary-janes still on.

~0~

“Good. You made it.”

Edward winked at Tanya as he ushered Bella through the door, his hand at the small of her back. “Wouldn’t miss this for the world.”

“Uh huh. In other words, Bella put an embargo on sex long enough to please me.” Tanya screwed her face up. “Wait. That wasn’t what I meant.”

Bella tilted her head. “Have you been drinking already?”

“Eh.” Tanya held up her thumb and forefinger, making the space between them slight.

“Oooooh. Is this the boyfriend I keep missing?”

Edward turned as a strange looking man with wild eyes and straggly blond hair stepped to Bella’s side. He pulled her into a tight hug and, upon releasing her, looked at her expectantly.

“Edward, this is Alistair. We’ve been friends since sophomore year of college. Alistair, this is my Edward.” Bella patted his chest in that affectionate, possessive way.

“Not an ex-boyfriend, right?” Edward asked, only half kidding as he shook the other man’s hand.

Alistair’s grin spread wide, and he shook Edward’s hand emphatically. “Not an ex-boyfriend. Don’t worry.” He winked. “You won’t have to make her move again or anything like that.”

Edward’s smile faltered, and Alistair raised his hand in a placating gesture. “Just teasing.” He gave Edward’s arm a guy-punch and grinned again. “It’s hard to be a vanilla in a neapolitan and chocolate chip cookie dough world.” He extended his hand, palm up, toward Edward. “How about a dance?”

The middle of the floor had been cleared of tables and chairs. Many of Bella and Tanya’s friends were, indeed, dancing. Edward raised his eyebrows, looking from Bella to Alistair and back. He wasn’t sure how he felt about the offer. He knew a lot of people here were gay or bisexual or otherwise not at the straight end of the spectrum.

Bella laughed and rubbed his back. “Don’t worry. Alistair is asexual. I promise he doesn’t want you.”

“Yeah, you think you’re out of your element, imagine being me.” Alistair started pointing randomly at the gathered guests. “Neapolitan, baseball crunch, pralines and cream.” He pointed at himself. “And I don’t even like dessert!” He reached out, taking Edward’s hand. “But I do know a pretty boy when I see one, and I like dancing.”

Amused, Edward let Alistair lead him out onto the dance floor.

When they were so hot Edward’s glasses fogged up, Alistair shook Edward’s hand again, thanked him for being a good sport and being such a good dancer, he made him look good, and sent him on his merry way. Edward found Bella at a booth with Alice and Jasper.

“Oh good,” he said as he plopped down in the seat beside Bella. “You made it.”

“So,” Alice said, leaning with her elbows on the table and her chin propped on her folded hands. “Discovering new and exciting things about your sexuality, little brother?”

Edward smirked at his sister and turned to plant a big smooch on his girlfriend’s cheek. “I’m Bella-sexual, thanks.”

“That’s pretty kinky, Cullen. Have you told your parents yet?” Bella tickled his side, her smile wide and happy. “This isn’t the kind of thing parents want for their precious baby boys.”

“Bella, Bella, Bella. My witch.” He grabbed her around the waist, pulling her even closer to him. “If they don’t love you immediately, just cast a spell on them like you did with me.”

Across from them, Jasper whistled. He leaned down to speak to Alice.  “Don’t look now, sugar, but I think your brother was replaced by an alien. The boy is gone.”

Edward just flashed a goofy grin at his friend and kissed Bella’s cheek again.

He was over the moon happy, and he couldn’t find it in him to give a fuck if he looked like the world’s biggest goofball.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: SO. That was a drama free chapter, eh?  
> Many thanks to Barburella and songster. And thanks to all of you! Have a fabulous weekend.


	13. The Other Shoe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Hi! So. Last chapter was chipper, non? Hmm? Yeah? *coughs*

Six months went by in a blur.

Under Tanya and Bella’s watchful eyes, the restaurant flourished. Like any business, old or new, they had their hiccups, but the two women were true partners. They managed everything from minor kitchen disasters to shipping errors to major staff drama with aplomb.

“The new girl quit today. She wouldn’t tell us why,” Bella said to Edward when he asked how her day had been.

Privately, Edward couldn’t help but think it had something to do with James. The way the kid looked at the girls sometimes gave Edward the creeps. But as he had no real basis for his opinion other than a strong dislike for the other man, Edward kept his mouth shut. There wasn’t any reason to put more on Bella’s plate.

“It’s a first job for a lot of them,” he said instead. “College kids just aren’t known for being dependable.”

“Some of them are. I don’t know what I’d do without Benjamin, Mary, and James. We’re going to promote one of them soon.”

Edward kept his mouth shut on the matter and kissed her to distract both of them.

In that six months, Edward and Bella’s relationship deepened and matured. They were getting to that comfortable place where they were a team despite the small distance that separated him. Bella was always with him on his most important days and he with her.

There were some really great days.

Bella met Edward’s parents when they came to visit the week before Alice and Jasper’s wedding. They remembered her father well, and they were very happy to see their loner son settled. Embarrassingly happy on his mother’s part.

“I swear she about chokes on satisfaction every time I touch you,” Edward muttered to Bella privately.

She snickered and, he noticed afterward, touched him as often as it was socially acceptable to do in front of someone’s mother.

They did have a minor spat that week when Bella noted Emmett’s wife Rosalie was cold with her. Suffice it to say that, while Emmett had understood and didn’t judge Bella for what she did, Rosalie was on the other side of the coin. She judged. Hard.

Bella was a little miffed that Edward didn’t say something to her, but quickly came to agree with his assessment that saying anything to Rosalie had about as much effect as punching a brick wall; it just wasn’t worth the bruised knuckles. Rosalie had a strong personality, and even in the short time she had known her, it was obvious the only person who could change her mind was her.

Edward didn’t confront her about her attitude. On the other hand, when Rosalie straight out told him Bella was bad news and she was considering telling his parents what she did for a living, he didn’t hesitate to stand up for his girlfriend.

“Tell me what you think is worse, Rose. I mean on a personal level. Bella, because she sells pictures of her body, or people like you who judged a complete stranger as being bad and unworthy of love. Personally, in a list of bad things we can do and people we can be, I’d rather be the nudist than the one so high on their horse, they would call other human beings worthless in so many words.

“As to your threat, go ahead and tell them. Neither Bella nor I are ashamed of what she does. Mom and Dad have actually bothered to get to know her. If they were shallow enough to let something like that overwrite the fact she’s an amazing person and she makes me happy…” He shrugged. “Well, I don’t think you know them as well as you think you do.”

By the end of that week, Bella and Rosalie had adopted an attitude of icy tolerance toward each other. Everyone else accepted Bella readily, including, much to Rosalie’s irritation, her and Emmett’s son. Henry, all of three years old, thought Bella was hilarious. He frequently climbed onto her lap to tell his latest story or show her his newest treasure.

Despite the minor tension, the week of Alice and Jasper’s wedding was a great one. Edward was surrounded constantly with all the people who mattered most to him. On the big day, he stood up for Jasper as best man. He watched his twin sister and best friend vow to make a life together. Then, after the ceremony, he spent the rest of the evening with the most beautiful woman in the room either at his side or in his arms.

It might have been Alice’s big day, but when Bella let him lead her out on the dance floor, she was the only person he saw. They swayed together, oblivious to anyone else until Emmett cut in when a faster song came on.

There were good times, but there were a few hard times too. As head over heels in love as they were, Edward and Bella fought sometimes. There were the typical spats that any couple were prone to, and then the not so typical.

Once, Edward signed on his Tumblr account only to see a preview of Bella’s newest photo set. For once, it stole his breath in a bad way. Seeing it was like having a fist driven into his stomach.

She was dressed, and undressed, as a witch.

It had only been a week or so before, when they were in bed together, that Edward was teasing her as usual that she was a witch. He threatened to get her a big black hat and something naughty to go with it.

Her eyes had sparked, and she’d kissed him. “Maybe someday.”

When he confronted her about it, she seemed genuinely mystified to find him so upset.

“The witch thing was ours. Mine specifically,” Edward said. “I know it’s a stupid little nickname, but it was special to me.”

She winced at the word was. “I love it when you call me that,” she said in a small voice.

“That’s why I don’t understand how you could do this. You know for a fact it’s hard on me, knowing other people get to see you naked, dressed all sexy for them and not me. But I deal with it, because I know the difference between what’s real and what just feels bad. This is personal. I don’t want to share personal things for strangers to jack off to.”

He watched her clenched jaw work as she thought what he was saying through. He could tell she wanted to argue, but she was considering her words carefully before she answered. “I didn’t think about it that way. I thought… Well, I didn’t really think it was different than if I dressed up like a witch on Halloween.”

“It’s not the same thing at all. Dressing sexy--I get that. Everyone does that, and if you wore a sexy witch's outfit on Halloween, that’s an homage to us. That’s cute. But this isn’t about us, or it shouldn’t be. You take this part of you and sell it. It makes something very personal cheaper.”

“No, I get it,” Bella said, her voice shaky now. “I really didn’t think about it like that. I thought you’d like it.”

He caught her around the waist, turning her to face him. “I would have, if it was just ours.”

“I’m sorry. I never wanted to hurt you like that.”

They hugged and kissed and made up. The nickname was lost, but that was a loss Edward could live with. The more important lesson was that they were getting better at navigating problems. They were both determined and willing to approach every hurdle together, hands firmly clasped.

By far the most difficult thing to deal with in their relationship was the distance. Especially with traffic, there were times Edward and Bella didn’t get to see each other for a week or more. Bella was busy with the restaurant, and Edward had his own job to think about. But even when they could be together on the weekend, it wasn’t enough. More than once, Edward fell asleep with his cell pressed to his ear, listening to Bella’s words begin to slur as she too succumbed to sleep.

The quiet of the night had never been lonely before, but now he was in love, and his bed was too empty.

“Uh oh.”

Edward watched the upside down image of his sister and Jasper as they walked into his apartment unannounced. Seeing him, Jasper sighed and stepped right back out. “I’ll get the libations. Edward, is this bad enough to warrant cookie dough and ice cream?”

In the meantime, Alice had come over and sat on the couch upside down beside him. “Tell me all about it, little brother. What crisis are we in today?”

“Christ, and you guys think I’m dramatic,” Edward muttered. “There’s no crisis.”

Jasper cautiously poked his head back in the door. “So no need for hard alcohol then?”

“Get your ass back in here.”

“Now he’s being bossy.” Jasper came in and shut the door behind him. “I don’t know about this guy, sugar. We might be better off leaving him to his own devices this evening.”

“Hush, you.” Alice kicked the side of Edward’s leg. “You. Speak.”

Edward barked.

“Smart ass,” Alice said, laughing anyway. “Come on. Spill.”

Edward folded his hands across his belly staring at nothing. “I’m looking for jobs in the OC.”

“Oh,” both Alice and Jasper said at the same time.

“I can’t not see her every night anymore.”

“But what about me?” Alice asked, the words tumbling out too quick for her to have thought them through.

Edward tilted his head to look at his sister. His twin. They were each others constant--the only home they knew. “I’ve actually been sitting here trying to figure out how I get to keep both of you,” he said with a small smile.

Alice slid forward onto her hands and head and then scrambled upright. Edward turned around a little more gracefully as these things went. They ended up in a big sibling tangle on the couch.

“If we pool our money, we can just relocate her restaurant here?” Alice asked in a shaky voice. She pulled back with a smile on her face. “It’s not like I didn’t see this coming. You pout like a little bitch when you’d rather be over there--which is always.” She sighed. “Have you told her?”

“Not yet.”

“Well get on that,” Jasper said, coming over to sit on the other side of Alice. He slung his arm around her. “I was wondering if the day would ever come that I didn’t have to share her with you.”

Edward’s cell phone rang then, and his smile widened as it always did when Bella called. “Speak of the devil.” He reached for it. “Hey, angel.”

“Devil or angel. Tell him to make up his mind,” Jasper whispered to Alice.

“The devil was an angel, sweetheart,” Alice whispered back.

Edward waved his hand frantically to get them to shut up. “Can you repeat that?” he said into the phone, hoping against hope that he had just heard Tanya wrong.

“Bella’s in the hospital,” Tanya repeated. She sounded small and scared and totally un-Tanya-like. “I don’t know much. They called me, but she was in Radiology when I got here.”

“Why did they call you?” Edward knew damn well it wasn’t the most important question, but his brain was short-circuiting in panic-mode. He raced around, trying to find his shoes and his keys.

“Like I said, I don’t know much. The doctors won’t talk to me. They probably won’t talk to you either but get here. She needs you.”

“I’m coming. Tell her I’m coming when you see her. Call me.”

As he got to the door, Jasper grabbed the keys from his hands. “I’m driving. Don’t argue. Let’s go.”

Edward did argue for as little good as it did him. Jasper refused to be swayed. They were flying down the 101 before Edward stopped bitching and started obsessively calling the hospital and Bella’s phone.

“Dammit. Why don’t I have Tanya’s phone number?” he asked when it was obvious Bella’s phone had been turned off.

From the backseat, Alice rubbed his shoulder. “You’re not supposed to have phones on at the hospital. Isn’t that a rule?”

“If it is, it’s a fucked up rule.” Edward punched the dashboard in frustration, willing the car to go faster even though Jasper was pushing ninety as it was. “Nothing makes sense. Why didn’t they call me?”

Finally, they arrived at the hospital. Edward got out before the car stopped moving and Alice followed him. Tanya got back out to the reception area before Edward could get himself thrown out of the place for yelling at the nurses.

“Come here. Come here.” Tanya took him by the hands, leading him away from the prying eyes all around them.

Edward wasn’t interesting in being led away. He took his hands back. “Where’s Bella?” The way Tanya looked at him then, Edward had to fight back a whimper. He was more afraid than he’d ever been in his life, and the look on her face pushed him into complete terror. He was sure his world was about to be obliterated. “Tell me.”

“She’s going to be fine, first of all.”

Edward exhaled in a gust, woozy with relief. She was alive then. That was the most important part. Anything else he could deal with. They would deal with it together. This time, it was him who squeezed Tanya’s hands. “What happened?”

Tanya took a deep breath. “This is as much as I know, okay? James was at her place.”

He heard Alice gasp. Every bone in Edward’s body went rigid. “What?” The word was low and dangerous, filled with dread and a fury only contained because he didn’t know where to aim it yet.

“I don’t know why, and I don’t know exactly what happened,” Tanya said. “He attacked her. I know that much. She’s beat up pretty badly.”

Dread went down Edward’s spine, and his heart twisted to the point of agony. “Oh god. Tanya. Did he…”

“He tried,” Tanya said quickly, putting him out of his misery. Her words were clipped, tight, and her eyes glinted with anger. “He got pretty far. Too far.” She grimaced and put a hand to her throat. “She has horrible bruises around her throat, and they thought she might have internal bleeding. There’s nothing broken that won’t heal, but they’re keeping her overnight for observation.”

At that, Edward’s legs did give out. He reached out blindly, barely catching himself on the wall. “Jesus,” he muttered under his breath. He scrubbed a hand over his eyes, thinking for a few horrible seconds that he was going to either throw up or start sobbing. Alice’s hand on his back grounded him somewhat. “I need to see her, Tanya. Where is she?”

Tanya stepped to his side and touched his arm. “She’s talking with the police right now, but Edward...You have to understand. She’s not thinking very clearly right now.”

Edward’s gut twisted. “What?”

Tanya sighed, her expression pitying. “She doesn’t want to see you right now. She specifically asked me to keep you away. In fact, she got really upset when she heard I called you.”

All the breath left Edward’s body. “What?” he asked again, the word ragged this time.

“I don’t know. Who knows what’s going on in her head right now. I’m sure she doesn’t really mean it, but I don’t want to upset her. When the police are done, I promise I’ll talk to her again, and we’ll go from there, okay?”

Alice tugged Edward, managing to lead him to a chair before he collapsed. He folded forward, his head in his hands, hair gripped in his fists.

Nothing made sense. He needed answers.

“Tanya,” he said, his voice raw with too many emotions. “Where is he?”

Tanya didn’t need to ask who he was talking about. “Here, actually,” she said, her tone angry again. “Bella got him pretty good.”

Edward stood up. Whatever Bella had done to James, he was going to make it worse by at least double. By then, Jasper had joined them, so he shouldn’t have been surprised when his brother-in-law grabbed him by the arm before he could take off.

“Don’t try it, Edward. There’s a cop outside his room too,” Tanya said. “Don’t think I haven’t thought of it myself.”

“I’m going to kill him,” Edward muttered under his breath, but he let Jasper and Alice sit him back down again. “I’m going to fucking kill him.”

His words were angry, but even as he growled them, his voice cracked. He hung his head, scared and heartbroken and unable to grasp the idea that anyone would hurt his beautiful, vivacious Bella. Why? Why would anyone do this?

And why didn’t she want to see him? He knew she had to be scared. Why wasn’t it him she wanted most? More than anything, he wanted his arms around her, to be able to see and feel her whole up against him. He wanted to be her comfort.

He wanted, needed, to do something.

There was nothing he could do but wait.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I know. I’m sorry.   
> Uh. I love you?


	14. Fallen Angel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I felt bad about the little cliffie, so here’s an update for ya. :) Hope everyone had a great weekend.

“Hey. Wake up.”

Edward startled awake, struggling to orient himself. It took him a few seconds to remember why he was sleeping upright and why Tanya was shaking him gently. He looked to the right, finding his twin, looking as sleep deprived as he felt, also looking confused but concerned.

Remembering, Edward sat up straight. Right. He was sleeping in an uncomfortable hospital waiting room because he refused to leave when visiting hours were over. Just because Bella didn’t want to see him didn’t mean he was going to leave her. “What’s happening?” he asked, his voice raspy with sleep and anxiety. “How’s Bella?”

Tanya sat on his left side. “She’s better. She seems to be thinking clearer now that she’s had a little bit of sleep.” She offered him a small smile. “She said she’d see you.”

Edward didn’t miss Tanya’s choice of words. Not that she wanted to see him, but that she would. Regardless, he was relieved. He knew it was going to kill him to see her battered, but he also needed to see with his own eyes that she was whole.

Alice squeezed his hand. “Go on. And tell her we love her too.”

Needing no further prompting, Edward followed Tanya down the hall.

“Look, I know I don’t have to tell you this, but I’m going to anyway,” Tanya said as they walked. “Just be patient with her and gentle. She’s not herself right now.”

His throat too tight to speak, Edward nodded. He wondered if Tanya intended to follow him into the room. Was Bella scared to be alone with him? The thought made him want to vomit. But Tanya stopped outside the door. She touched his shoulder briefly before she walked back down the hallway toward the waiting room.

Edward took a deep breath and entered.

He had no idea what he expected. The end was anti-climactic. Bella was sitting up, looking out the window at the breaking dawn. When she didn’t turn to look at him, Edward called her name quietly.

She turned to him, and  Edward’s stomach churned.

Seeing as he’d had ample time to get himself worked up, he’d imagined a much more gruesome scene than what greeted him. Not that it was much comfort. The bruises on her neck alone made Edward want to punch something--someone in particular. Not for the first time, he cursed the fact he knew James was close. He wanted that man as far away from Bella as humanly possible and preferably missing his cock. Beyond that, Edward could see other bruises--finger marks on her arms from where James had restrained her. Her leg was wrapped--sprained during the struggle. He knew there had to be worse bruises beneath her paper-thin hospital gown, but that was the limit of what he could see.

What had him scared and sickened was the look in her eyes. There was something unsettling about the way she looked at him--a look devoid of tenderness, affection, and love. It was a look of terrible calm, an eerie quiet that masked whatever else she had to be feeling, thinking.

Swallowing down a lump of bile, Edward sat in the chair by her bedside. He took her hand, moving with exaggerated slowness. Bella didn’t pull away. That offered him some relief, but the way she watched his hand, impassively, as if she were watching a line of ants troop by, disturbed him. “Hey, angel,” he said, kissing the back of her hand with a light brush of his lips.

She looked at him for five long seconds before she spoke. “I’m sorry I couldn’t see you before.” She took her hand from his. Edward couldn’t tell if she didn’t want him touching her or if she simply needed her hands as she began to wring them. “Tanya said you didn’t leave.”

“Of course I didn’t. I won’t.” He reached up, intending to brush a strand of hair away from her face, but dropped his hand quickly back to his lap when she flinched. “I wouldn’t leave you, Bella.”

She studied him as though she were looking for answers on his face. The problem was, he didn’t know the questions. He couldn’t guess what was going on in her head.

“I know what you’re thinking,” she said, the words coming out in a jumble.

Edward was careful to keep his face blank. He leaned forward in the chair, engaged but not touching her or crowding her personal space. “What am I thinking?”

She focused on some point in front of her, not looking at him. “You’re wondering if he found out. If that’s why he did this.”

“We don’t have to talk about this, Bella. Doesn’t your throat hurt?”

“But that’s what you’re thinking, isn’t it?” Something sparked in her eyes. Tanya had told him that she hadn’t cried. She’d been paranoid, angry, and out-of-it in turns, but she hadn’t cried. It was anger that lit her eyes then. “You have to be wondering.”

“Bella--”

“It’s only natural. That’s what you were scared about, right? You told me. It’s just reality. Because I make myself one of the nameless bitches you’re imagining degrading when you jack off. You’re wondering if you were right to worry.”

Edward winced. He took a deep breath and chose his words as carefully as he could. “It doesn’t matter.”

“It’s what you’re thinking.”

“I’m thinking a lot of things. Yes, of course I’m wondering, but it doesn’t matter. You know it doesn’t matter. There’s nothing you did to deserve this, regardless--”

“You’re wrong anyway,” she said. The sharp rise and fall of her chest told him what the even tone of her words didn’t--she was upset. Controlled, but upset. “He doesn’t know about the website. I’m sure he doesn’t.” Her tone turned bitter. “He would have said.”

“Whatever he said to you, it was bullshit. Nothing you did--”

“He said he did it for you.”

Every cell in Edward’s body turned to ice. He replayed Bella’s words over in his head once, twice, three times before he decided he had to have heard wrong. “What?” he asked, the word cold and ragged.

Bella was still staring forward. She’d picked up the edge of her blankets and was twisting it between her fingers roughly. “When he started to…” She shuddered, swallowed hard. “When he started to touch me, and he wouldn’t stop, I reminded him that you existed. You know, because it’s not enough that I told him to cut it out. I thought maybe he’d respect the prior claim of another man.”

“Bella,” Edward said, but she wasn’t nearly done.

“So he said since my boyfriend obviously wasn’t man enough to make me forget about women, he was going to do you a favor.”

“Bella.” Edward’s voice was raw with rage and horror. “You can’t have thought I’d want this. You can’t have thought I’d even think about it. It never would have crossed my mind at all.”

She squeezed her hands into fists so tight that her knuckles went white. “I know that,” she said, her voice a whisper. She raised a hand to rub at her neck. Her voice was taking on a scratchy quality. Edward couldn’t imagine it felt good to talk right then. “Do you know how stupid I am right now? I was scared of you, and I was really angry you weren’t in here and both of those things are just so stupid.”

“Don’t do that.” He reached for her again and was glad when she let him take her hand again. “Whatever you’re feeling isn’t stupid.”

“No.” She breathed in through her nose, her voice timorous and smaller than Edward had ever heard. She was staring down, refusing to meet his eyes. “But I am stupid.”

“You’re not.”

“I am. Oh god, you have no idea how stupid I am.” She was clutching at his hand spasmodically now. “How many times have I told people, r-rapists aren’t strangers in a dark alley? But you know, I’ve always been ready for that. Because of what I do, I’ve always been ready. I know self-defense. I carry a knife when I’m out.” Her breath was coming in sharp, quick spikes as she continued to babble. “But when he… When he… I didn’t understand. I was so confused, I froze. It’s not a surprise. It shouldn’t have been a surprise. I just…”

Finally, she looked up at him, and the expression written all over her face shattered him. Her eyes were wide and glassy with tears. “‘Reblogging a fucking tumblr post and living it are two different things,’” she said, and it took him a minute to realize she was quoting him. “It wasn’t supposed to happen to me.”

Edward couldn't hold himself back anymore. He couldn't do anything he really wanted. What he wanted was to turn back time or at the very least promise he would tear James’s arms from his body. He wanted to erase the enormity of this hurt from her skin and her psyche. Since he was powerless to do any of that, he perched on the edge of her hospital bed and gathered her carefully into his arms. He couldn't hold her as tightly as he wanted; he knew most of her injuries were out of sight. Still, he could rock her and whisper in her ear that she was safe and he loved her.

He held her tucked against his chest as she finally let go and cried.

~0~

It took Edward a few days to sort out exactly what had happened.

That day at the restaurant, Bella and Tanya had been giggling together about how cute the college girls were. James, stewing for days about the fact he hadn’t been chosen for the manager position despite the fact he’d been there longer than Mary and worked just as hard, had overheard them. He stayed working late--the restaurant closed at three. Having run into roommate trouble a few weeks previous, James had been couch hopping amongst his friends. The place he was at then was a ways from campus and the restaurant.

Bella offered James a ride home. She stopped at her place, since it was on the way, to get a few things so she could head directly to Los Angeles and Edward after she dropped James off. She offered him something to drink, because she considered it a polite thing to do, and he had taken it as her coming on to him. That was the only excuse he’d needed. When she rebuffed him, he turned violent.

Pinned beneath him while he ripped her clothes and pawed at her, their struggle had stopped when Bella got her hands around a heavy bookend. She’d bashed James over the head with it. He spent a few days in an induced coma while the swelling around his brain went down.  As far as Edward was concerned, it was the least of what he deserved.

A few days after James woke up and told his side of the story, Edward sat next to Bella across from D.A. They’d both known, though neither were saying, that they weren’t going to like what the man had to say.

“I’m going to get straight the point. We’re not going to pursue sexual assault and battery charges.”

Though Edward had half been expecting something like that, his fury kicked in full throttle at the actual words. He jumped to his feet. “Why the hell not? Her clothes are in shreds. There are bruises on her thighs. It’s an open and shut case.”

“Edward,” Bella said. The word sounded as she often had the last few days--quiet and defeated.

It took a herculean effort, but Edward sat down again. Needing to do something, he took Bella’s hand in both of his and squeezed it.

The D.A., who had remained impassive during Edward’s tantrum, spoke again. “I have years of experience in this, son. You have to see the facts as a jury would see them.” He looked to Bella, his tone impassive as he began to list factors. “According to Mr. Hunter, you and your friends are very open about your sexual preferences, proclivities, and deviance. And I can guarantee you, in a randomly selected jury, many will see bisexuality as a kink rather than a sexual orientation.”

Bella, who still hadn’t looked up, tightened her hold on Edward’s hand.

“You passed Mr. Hunter up for a promotion in favor of a pretty young woman despite the fact James was the more senior and had, at your own admission, put in a lot of work.”

“So did Mary,” Bella said.

“I’m simply laying out what a jury will see. You like women. A pretty young woman got the position Mr. Hunter wanted and worked for,” the D.A. said. “This is a fact. You then took him to your house rather than take him home as he wanted--this is the part of the statement he made.”

“Jesus Christ,” Edward muttered under his breath.

“According to Mr. Hunter’s statement, at that point you made advances.”

That finally drew a reaction from Bella. “I what? I didn’t…”

“You offered him a drink, and sat down next to him on the couch.”

“I offered him a soda, and I sat down for five seconds to gather some notebooks and things that were on my coffee table.”

The D.A. raised his hands in a placating motion. “I’m telling you what a jury may see given all the other factors involved. Any defense will paint you, Ms. Swan, as sexually free, despite the fact you have a boyfriend. In fact, that you are so open about your sexuality and sex in general will seem all the worse because you have a boyfriend. Now, I’m very glad you were upfront with me about your website. You’re correct--it would appear that Mr. Hunter has no idea the site exists at this time. However, if we push for a trial, I can guarantee the existence of your website will become known, and if the jury needed any other excuse to let Mr. Hunter off scot free, that’s more than enough. See Mr. Hunter as a jury would. He’s twenty years old, a full-time student who works very hard at his education and with you at your place of business. He has no priors where you have an arrest on file, Ms. Swan.”

“For a peaceful protest when I was twenty.”

“For a cause that won’t win you points with the jury. Many still equate feminism with man-hating, and they assume bisexuals can’t be faithful.”

By then Bella was clutching Edward’s hand to the point of pain. Edward didn’t care. It helped keep him grounded when all he really wanted to do was throttle the man in front of him before he went after James. “So what? He gets off without a fight?”

“No.” The D.A. leaned forward and folded his hands on top of the table. “There’s no getting around the fact he hurt you very badly, Ms. Swan. That’s undeniable. What we’re going to do is offer to take the more severe counts of sexual assault and battery off the table if he’ll plead guilty to simple assault and battery, which he would be convicted of regardless.”

“That’s a misdemeanor,” Edward said. The whole conversation left a foul taste in his mouth.

The D.A. gave them both a sympathetic expression. “We’re going to request the maximum sentence which is a few months jail time. It’s more justice than a lot of people get in these situations.”

Neither Edward nor Bella spoke at that. They both knew the D.A. was right. Many women in Bella’s position or worse, who gave the jury much less ammunition, would never see any kind of justice served.

Beside him, Bella swallowed hard. “I guess it’s lucky for me that he beat the shit out of me when he tried to rape me,” she said, her tone flat.

~0~

Since she’d gotten out of the hospital, Bella had been staying with Edward in LA. The restaurant had opened again after a few days closure, but Bella hadn’t been back yet.

She was different. It wasn’t just that she was quieter and more subdued. There was something different about the way she carried herself. The Bella Edward knew took the world on with a ferocity of spirit. This new Bella struggled to figure out who she wanted to be in this world.

Her leg healed, her bruises faded. Outwardly, she didn’t look like anyone’s victim.

Edward could only be thankful Bella didn’t push him away. He wondered often if he was doing the right things, saying the right things. Sometimes all he could do was hold her while she sat in silence, her thoughts too tangled to put into words yet. But she let him hold her and rock her. When he kissed her, the action always soft and not leading, she kissed him back.

He waited, and little by little, she opened up.

He came home one evening to find her on the couch, staring off into space with her computer off to the side. Edward said nothing but he sat beside her. When he was sure he was reading her body language right, he pulled her backward into his arms, so she was cradled against his chest. Her tense posture relaxed, and she sighed, melting back against him. She found his hands and twined their fingers together.

“Tanya called,” she said after a few minutes. “Do you remember Victoria?”

“Victoria. She was in the first wave you hired. She couldn’t stick around after all the delays.”

Bella nodded. “Except she told Tanya today the real reason she didn’t stick around was because of James.”

Edward pressed his tongue hard against the roof of his mouth so Bella wouldn’t feel his body go rigid. “What did he do?”

“They went on two dates, and then she got too creeped out to see him again. She tried to let him down gently, but he wouldn’t leave her alone. When she made herself perfectly clear, he started to harass her.”

“Fucking prick.”

Her breath was unsteady, and it took her a few seconds to gather her thoughts. “I thought he was like any other idiotic, twenty-year-old kid. I knew he didn’t know how to take a hint. I knew he thought every woman who even smiled at him was flirting with him. I should have known. I should have seen, and I should have protected Victoria. I should have protected all of them. I would have. I should have known.”

“Hey. Hey, shh.” He wrapped his arms tighter around her, pressing his lips to her cheek. “You couldn’t have known.”

He told himself the same thing on a daily basis--that he couldn’t have known James would go this far. Someday, he might even believe it.

Bella turned her head, burying her face against his neck as she tried to steady her breathing. “It’s like...I have these two different voices in my head. There’s the person I want to be, who knows all the statistics, all the things we turn a blind eye to. We’re conditioned to hate our bodies, women especially. We’re conditioned to be ashamed. I worked my ass off to un-condition myself from those poisonous things.” She took a shuddering breath. “Now there’s this voice in my head who keeps on wondering--what if they’re right? What if it was my fault? What if I shouldn’t have been so unashamed of my body? What if it’s intrinsically wrong to be vocal about the fact I enjoy sex?”

“Bella that’s--”

“It’s ridiculous. I know it. I hear what it sounds like out loud, but it’s what I feel.” She reached forward, grabbing her laptop and lifting it so he could see. “Anyway. I guess you get your wish.”

Edward exhaled in a gust as he saw what she was on the screen. “Oh, Bella. I didn’t want this. Not like this.”

She said nothing--just kept her head turned toward him, her breath hot on his neck.

On the front page of Bella’s website was a message to her subscribers explaining that the site would be shut down, all dues from the last month returned.

“It’s okay,” she said. “It’s not a part of me. It was a way to make money. I just always thought it would end like it began: on my own terms. I hate that he got this. Teaching myself to love my body was an accomplishment I was proud of, and now…” Her voice shook. “I can’t stand looking in the mirror right now.”

“That will get better,” Edward said, believing he was right. Bella would get her confidence back. Maybe it would be different, but this conversation alone proved that she was fighting for it.

She turned in his arms, snuggling up against him. “I know.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Many thanks to Barburella, myonlyheroin, and the fabulous Capricorn75.  
> Probably one chapter left, I should think. :)


	15. Hello, Angel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Hello, babettes. Welp. It’s that time again. Let’s see how our kids are doing.

**~Nine Months Later~**

 

“Are you ready, Miss Swan?”

 

Edward squeezed Bella’s hand, and she turned to look at him. They had a silent conversation. She had nothing to prove, and if she wanted, he would lead her out of here, to hell with what anyone else thought.

 

Bella smiled and squeezed his hand back. Her grip was strong. Sure. He could see trepidation pulling at the corners of her eyes, but it was minute at best. She had this.

 

She let go of his hand and followed the professor to the front of the classroom. There, she shrugged off her robe--the only thing she’d been wearing--and sat on the stool, front and center of the room.

 

Edward went to stand in an unobtrusive corner of the room, watching as the gathered artists-in-training looked at her. Some of them tilted their head this way and that. Others set right to sketching, glancing up as they marred the pure white canvas with the first vague lines.

 

There were thirty or so students in the room. Edward wondered how each of them saw Bella. He knew the point of the class, the point of Bella sitting there as still as she could, was for the students to study the shape of the human body. Still, they would capture something in the way she held herself or the look on her face.

 

Would they even be able to glimpse the things Edward saw?

 

The only outward sign of her nervousness was the slight rise and fall of her shoulders. They were just the slightest bit stooped. When her eyes wandered and found him, Edward smiled. He made a motion between his breasts and then tilted his head at her, mouthing the words “nice rack.”  Her lips quirked up, and the tense set of her posure eased.

 

It had been a long, long road here.

 

Edward let his eyes roam the curves and swells of her body, remembering with terrible clarity what her skin looked like littered with bruises.

 

Shortly after she’d shut down her site, she’d told him what it felt like to be naked in front of the doctors.

 

_“They took pictures of me. For evidence,” she said, eyes blank and voice flat. “I kept thinking it was like some twisted photoshoot. How well do you think that video would sell?"_

_He didn't know what to say to that, but she didn’t seem to want an answer. That was how a lot of her healing went. She just needed someone to listen while she tried to wrap her head around what had happened to her._

_“Do you know the officer asked me those questions?”_

_“What questions?” Edward asked, sure he didn’t want to know but also sure she needed to tell him._

_“They asked me what I was wearing.” At that, Bella’s face became animated again. Her features scrunched up in incredulity, though she was still staring straight forward. “They asked me that, and I thought, okay. Okay. Valid question, right? Because my clothes were ripped into shreds in a bag the nurse handed them. I wasn’t wearing that fucking hospital gown to make a fashion statement._

_“But then they asked if we’d been drinking.” She waved her hands as though at a loss. “I know it happens. I’ve raged at the idea that it happens. Some asshole won’t take no for an answer, and they’re trying to figure out what I did to make him think he could have me. Poor guy. He never stood a chance against resisting my wiles; they just have to figure out how.”_

_She closed her eyes, gripping Edward’s hands tightly as though he was the only thing tethering her to earth. “I’m so angry. I’ve been spreading awareness, trying to make people realize these things happen for ten years. Now it’s my story. It was maddening and infuriating when it was all the nameless, faceless women. Now it’s me. They did everything they could to figure out how it was my fault, and that was before anyone knew that I used my own body to make money. How dare I, right? I wasn’t ashamed of my body. I wasn’t ashamed of anything. How fucking dare I? What else should I expect when I’m a woman? Men can stare at me and catcall me and think it’s a compliment when they tell me I have legs for days and an ass that won’t quit, but I charged them for their fantasies so god knows, I don’t deserve justice. I don’t make it a secret that I enjoy sex, and that I’ve previously enjoyed sex with women as well as men. Damn, that makes me at least three times the whore. What, do I expect other men won’t take that as an open invitation to my pussy? I invited a guy--my employee--into my house and sat down beside him for a minute. God damn. You can’t really blame a guy for thinking you’re offering up sex when you send mixed signals like that.”_

_She was trembling by then, and Edward couldn’t do a damn thing for her except wrap her up in his arms, letting her cling to him. “Oh, god,” she whispered near his ear. “I should be exempt from this part.”_

_“What part?” he asked, rubbing her back._

_“I’ve spent so many years deconstructing all the bullshit that goes into our culturization to make us hate our bodies, be ashamed, blame ourselves for a man’s lack of control. After all, you can’t blame a guy. Boys will be boys. They can’t help it. They teach us that from the time we’re little. Little boys pull girls’ pigtails when they have a crush. They can’t concentrate in school if your bra strap is showing.” She ducked her head, tucking herself under his chin. “And now I go out of the house every day, and I wonder if my clothes are too tight, or I’m showing too much...something. I clapped Benjamin on the arm today for a job well done, and I started obsessing over whether or not he thought that touch meant something. Does he think I’m flirting with him?”_

_“You don’t have to be afraid of Benjamin, angel.”_

_“How do you know?” she asked, anger seeping back into her tone. “It’s more likely to be someone you know, someone you trust. I knew that, and I was still surprised. I missed signs. I wasn’t vigilant enough. What else am I missing, huh? Because if it happens again, it’s still going to be my fault.”_

_As quickly as it had come, Bella’s anger drained away. She let go of Edward, scooting to the far side of the couch and wrapping her arms around herself. “I’m fucking terrified of my own skin. I walk down the street in this body, and I’m wondering how many guys I pass only need an excuse. I look at every guy I know--fucking Alistair, who I know doesn’t see anyone that way, let alone me--and I wonder if he’s only waiting for the right signal._

_“But then there’s that voice in my head too that says, hey. Not all men. You can’t hate all men for the actions of a few. That old standby that guys love to fall back on. Heavens no. I’m more likely to be assaulted again by someone I know, but to be suspicious isn’t fair. That’s on me too. I don’t want to be a bitch, right? So I go into the back of the restaurant alone when Benjamin calls me, and I let Alistair hug me, and last week, I had a drink with an old friend from college. I smile at all my guy friends, and I try not to wonder if they’ve ever slept with a woman they honestly think wanted it when she didn’t. Most rapists have no fucking clue they’re rapists. How many of them do I know?”_

_Bella pulled her legs up on the couch and rocked. “God, I fucking hate my skin. I hate it. I’m so tired.”_

 

It was a small comfort when they found out James, after serving a month and a half of jail time, had been kicked out of school. Bella had a strong network of friends that mostly protected her from the verbal backlash of his friends. It was barely justice, but it would have to be enough.

 

Throughout everything, Bella had been determined to move on. There were still days when a male friend of hers would say the wrong thing, look at her the wrong way, touch her in a way that would set off her paranoia. There were still nights that she woke up from nightmares of being too dazed to get away, prone and helpless on the floor as James kicked her again and again. Now, nine months past the attack, Bella had mostly good days.

 

She hadn’t ever pushed Edward away. Far from it; she’d let him see every weak moment, let him hold her and comfort her. She had so much more strength than he could have imagined possible, but she leaned on him when it was too much to bear.

 

They learned to cope together. Once, as they sat together one quiet evening, she reblogged a Tumblr post--on her private Tumblr--that she knew he would see.

 

I’m not looking for someone to slay all my demons. I want someone who will hold my hand while I fight my own battles.

 

With those words and her tender look when she knew he’d seen it, Edward knew they would both be okay.

 

On the stool at the center of the room, Bella had lapsed into a thoughtful, but comfortable, expression. Edward wondered what she was thinking. He was used to the thought by now. Bella had spent so many months deep in thought, trying to force her rational mind--the person she wanted to be--to overwrite her wounded psyche.

 

Teaching herself to love her body, when all of society wanted her to hate it, had been difficult. Reteaching herself to love her body after James tried to own it, own her, was an often torturous task.

 

It wasn’t easy for Edward either. It was hell to watch her go through it--all the more frustrating because he had even less idea than she did how to navigate these paths. They had some hard times, because when Bella displaced her anger it was often on him. Of course it was. He was a safe target, and while that was maddening and often hurtful, Edward tried his best to remind himself that it meant her trust in him ran deep. She almost always realized what she was doing, and the few times he had to call her out, she was able to step out of the moment to examine her behavior. She apologized. They deconstructed what was happening and why. They always ended up on the same page, stronger together than ever.

 

The first time after the attack Bella initiated sex, Edward was a little startled to find she hadn’t shaved anywhere. He knew the way she was watching him, studying his reaction, was a challenge. She was waiting for him to reject her, tongue already poised for the battle that would follow.

 

It was strange, but only because it was different. Edward took his time, letting his hands get reaquainted with her skin. He understood she was trying to make her body a comfortable place to live in again. Right then, it meant that she needed to be appreciated unadulterated--as nature intended before someone somewhere had decided this mild form of self-mutilation was a requirement of feminine beauty. Edward couldn’t say it turned him on, but it didn’t leave him limp, either.

 

No, he wanted his Bella. He didn’t give a good god damn about the packaging.

 

They made love that night slow and easy. He touched her with tenderness and whispered sweet things in her ear and told her over and over again how beautiful she was.

 

Bella did start shaving again. Not because it made her more desirable or because it was what she thought she should do. She did it because she liked the way clothes felt against her skin. Her clothes, her skin, her hair--everything she did was to be comfortable with herself.

 

This was the final test.

 

Edward had told her over and over again she had nothing to prove, but time and again she did. It was the latest hurdle she’d been determined to overcome--to make that final connection between liking how she looked, clothed or not, and not giving a flying fuck if anyone else wanted to judge her for it. Slowly, she had worked her way back into sleeveless shirts, then skirts, then short skirts, and then midriff-baring shirts.

 

Now this--the last fuck you she needed to prove to herself James hadn’t destroyed her confidence. He hadn’t made her someone who hated her body.

 

When the class was over, Edward took her out to lunch. She was smiling and light--so beautiful.

 

“That, my friend, was an example of acceptable nudity,” she said, laughing about it. “Tell someone you posed nude, and they’ll look at you like you’re the scum of the earth. Tell them you posed nude for the sake of art, and people call you brave. And why? What’s the difference? I’m actually right in front of them, technically touchable.” She shuddered. “I got paid much better to do the other thing, but I still get paid here. Semantics, man. It’ll drive you nuts.”

 

It was something he’d wondered himself--why he wasn’t jealous watching the art students scratch away as they stared at her. “Maybe it feels wrong because someone got an orgasm out of it,” he said, being cheeky. “People like to judge where other people are getting their orgasms.”

 

Bella hummed around a bite of her food. “Are you planning on coming with me again next week?”

 

“That depends on you. I’ll be here if you need me to.”

 

“I’ll be fine.” She grinned and winked at him. “In that case, I can tell you at least two of the guys in the front row were sporting wood.”

 

Edward paused with the fork halfway to his lips. “Oh, I’m definitely coming back next week.”

**~0~**

The day of Bella’s thirtieth birthday, they shut down the restaurant for a private party. There was drinking, dancing, presents, and all the people Bella loved the most.

 

Bella and Tanya both gave a gleeful squeak when someone put ‘Holla Back, Girl’ on the loudspeaker. Edward was surprised when he suddenly had a lap full of Bella on his hands. She wrapped her arms around his neck and leaned in close to him, breathing the sweet scent of the fruity cocktail she’d been sipping.

 

“Edward? Best boyfriend in all the world?” she asked, murmuring against his lips.

 

“Uh. Speaking?” Edward walked his fingers up her spine. He had no idea what she could possibly want, but it was pretty damn likely she was going to get it.

 

“Can I dance with Tanya?”

 

He laughed.

 

At his right side, Alistair clapped his shoulder. “You won’t regret it. Trust me, I was there when they came up with this act.”

 

Edward laughed again, already drunk off her infectious happiness and how free she looked tonight. “Yeah, angel.”

 

She gave another happy squeak and kissed him quickly. Then she let Tanya take her by the hand and lead her out to dance.

 

To Edward’s utter delight, they had a whole routine that they were just drunk enough do in front of the whole crowd. It was hilarious and dangerously sexy. The whole place was whooping and hollering.

 

“You should have seen them practicing this, back when we were all in college,” Alistair said in his ear.

 

Edward’s smile fell just a little bit.

 

“Oh, hell.  You know, this whole being asexual thing can be a pain in the ass. People think we don’t exist, you know.” Alistair laughed. “But I think it’d probably be more of a pain in the ass to think about sex--who’s having it, who had it twelve years ago, who’s having it now--all the damn time.” He nudged Edward in the side. “I wish you’d been there to see it, mate. You’d see why they didn’t work as a couple. They’re much better as friends. Very goofy friends.”

 

Edward watched Bella and Tanya finish with some little hand-slapping, shimmying game--the kind ten-year-old girls perfected. As the song came to an end they clasped hands, laughing.

 

“Oh, my god,” Tanya said as they came back to the table. “I didn’t think I’d remember all the moves.”

 

Alistair moved to the opposite side of the table from Edward and opened his arms, letting Tanya settle on his lap. “You two are the biggest dorks.”

 

Bella sat beside Edward, leaning into him as he put his arm around her. “You never told me you were a choreographer.”

 

She kissed the underside of his chin. “You should see us do that boots with the fur song.”

 

“Oh, something to look forward to.”

 

Off to their right, Jasper cleared his throat and Alice smiled. “Lots of things to look forward to tonight, I think,” Alice said, tilting her head and giving Edward a look.

 

Edward narrowed his eyes at his sister warningly.

 

“Hell yes, there are things to look forward to.” She straightened up and yelled out at the crowd in general. “Hey. What kind of friends are you guys? I have no drink. The birthday girl has no drink.”

 

“Hold on a second.” Edward did his best to ignore the fact his heart was drumming so loud between his ears, it actually drowned out the music. He put his hand to her cheek and turned her head to him. “How drunk are you right now?”

 

She quirked an eyebrow. “You going to cut me off already, Cullen? On my birthday?” she asked in a tone that suggested he was seconds away from being in trouble.

 

“No,” he said, fighting a smile. “I’m trying to gauge if you can make sound decisions.”

 

She rolled her eyes, but her smile was easier. “Don’t worry, stud.” She leaned in and brushed the tip of her nose along his cheek in a path to his ear. “I’m telling you now, I give my full and coherent consent for you to ravish me later when I’m drunk off my ass and my inhibitions are lowered.”

 

Edward shivered. He was distracted momentarily from his mission by an intense need to kiss her. Threading his fingers in her hair, he put his lips to hers, lapping the bittersweet scent she’d breathed on him earlier directly from her tongue.

 

Jasper whistled loud enough to startle them. “Sorry, man,” he said to Edward. “Alice is about to burst out of her skin if you don’t do it soon.”

 

“What are you talking about?” Bella asked. She looked at Edward. “What is he talking about?”

 

Edward took a deep breath. He stood, pulling her up and to the center of the room with him. Someone cut the music off. Edward took another shaky breath, looked into her befuddled but trusting eyes, and he dropped to one knee in front of her.

 

Little cries of surprise and pleasure went up among the gathered crowd. Bella gasped and put a hand to her mouth. Her eyes, as she looked at him, were bright, adoring, and excited.

 

“Bella, angel. This has been a wild ride with you.” He pressed the box he’d brought out from his pocket into her palm. He closed his hands around hers. “I loved you when you were a shy high school girl. I loved you when you were driving me out of my mind. I love you now, and I’ll love you forever. Isabella Swan, will you marry me?”

 

“Yes,” she said around a giddy laugh. “Yes, yes!” She tugged at his hands and he stood. She flung her arms around his neck and jumped. Edward caught her, laughing in surprise at her fervor as she wrapped her legs around his waist.

 

“You crazy asshole,” she said by his ear as their friends cheered and clapped. She kissed him and kissed him and kissed him. “You won’t get tired of me and my social justice high horse all the time?”

 

He kissed her back. “Me? No. I’m a masochist.”

 

“I guess you’re lucky that I am too.” Bella giggled, giddy, and kissed him one more time before she put her feet on the ground. She opened her hands and with trembling fingers, opened the box.

 

They were going to have a beautiful life.

**~The End~**

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Wow! So. That was an interesting experience for me. So many thanks to Moflo for the challenge. Thanks to myonlyheroin, songster, Capricorn75, Elenor and gosh, all of you who have offered up such kind words and a wealth of food for thought.
> 
>  
> 
> **One down, a billion to go. On a personal note, my new novel, Finding Purgatory, will be coming out soon. Here’s the summary:**
> 
>  
> 
> __  
> **Bang!  
> **  
>  In one short moment, Ani Novak’s life is turned upside down. Her beautiful family is destroyed and she is left completely alone. With an unnamed desire, she seeks out the little sister she had walked away from when she was nineteen.  
> Tori Kane is barely eighteen, jaded, and reluctantly in need of her sister’s help. While Ani is in the position to financially support her sister, the one thing Tori really needs money can’t buy and Ani no longer knows how to give—trust.  
> Neither of them expected paradise, but they want more than the hell their lives have become. There has to be a middle ground between heaven and hell where they can just be.  
> 


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